MOVarazzi

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

739. Kids Start With "K"



Kids start with a Kiss in the backseat of a Buick, and a few months later, you find out that strange Knot in your stomach actually means you’re Knocked up.  The doctor forbids you from drinking but, oh, how you’d Kill for a beer right now, or a whole Keg:  you’re being Kicked in the Kidneys by what feels like a Kangaroo practicing Kung-fu.         

When the baby arrives, he throws your whole world off Kilter.  He brings no Keys to his behavior, no book of Knowledge for you to flip through—you must always guess.  You wonder how some other parents just Know what to do, because you don’t.  You can’t Keep up.  One thing is for sure:  there is a new King in your castle, and it’s not you. 
Those sexy abs you used to be so proud of?  Kaput.  Impromptu Kayaking trips on the weekend?  No longer.  Any hobby you were Keen on is a distant memory.      

Is this some sort of Karmic payback from terrorizing your own parents for 18 years?  Maybe you should have Kowtowed to them once in a while and treated them with Kindness.   
It seems you spend your whole life in the Kitchen now, cooking meals that will be scoffed at by people under three feet tall, people with a Knack for perpetually skinned Knees, and Ketchup on their faces.       

Finally, unbelievably, your children reach school-age.  Kudos to you for lasting this long.  You meet Kindred spirits at the Kindergarten open house, and when one of them stops to ask you about your Kooky Kids, you smile wide and reply, “Yes, we’ve decided to Keep them.”
MOV

28 comments:

  1. Aww cute :) Shame about the impromptu kayaking trips, though. If I ever have kids, I'll have to give up arseboarding down volcanoes. Sigh... the sacrifices.

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  2. Killer blog. Yes, I had to ask the nurse how to change a diaper when my first one was born. Thank goodness for Kindergarten (and preschool!)

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  3. Cute blog! Following you back...thanks for joining!

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  4. You alphabet people are doing a great job. I would be batty by now. Keep 'em Koming!

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  5. Sweet post! I'm following you back :)

    I like how many K's you managed to fit in here! I'm looking forward to your next post!

    Nikki – inspire nordic

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  6. The K-ids dominate the lives of all kayak-lovers for at least 7 years. After that, get'em their own little kayak and keep it on a tether.........um... as in "Paddle faster, kid, you'll never tow me anywhere with that anemic effort!" ":)

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  7. Klever...clever, sorry, couldn't help myself. Plenty of Ks in the raising kids story. College tuition is like 20-40K per year now at a state school. Let the fun continue.

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  8. Awww so cute! Love the "Kids start with a kiss" line... great little post and so happy that you decided to keep them lol

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  9. I am pretty sure I lost my receipt so I'll have to keep my kids too. Nice K post! (as always)

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  10. beautiful entry for the K post! :) I really love your blog since I first visited.. :)

    This is Jocelle (or Jokel), the one behind 'a thotful spot' @ joknut.wordpress.com

    :)

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  11. As a mom this made me laugh. And what is it about being pregnant that suddenly makes you want a drink, even when you never drink otherwise? I never wanted a margarita as much as when I was pregnant. Then when I could finally imbibe, I had no interest in them. WTF?

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  12. This has to be the cutest post I have ever read :). Great job!

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  13. Keeping kwiet kause my kids are in kollege. Kismet kontinues.
    Karry on.

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  14. Such a cute post! Every time I read one of your posts, I love you just a little bit more.

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  15. Very adorable story. :)

    -Barb the French Bean

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  16. Lol - wow how many K's did you get in there! Great post :)

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  17. I love all the Ks. Great post!

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  18. How talented of a wordsmith are you!

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  19. Fantastic MOV. Anyone counted the K's?

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  20. thanks to all who wrote! love you guys!!!

    xxo
    MOV

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  21. Love it! They start with a Kiss and incite holy Krap. Least round here any way.

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When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)