MOVarazzi

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

738. Jumpseat Therapy Starts With "J"


You are a flight attendant.  On the plane, complete strangers wearing identical flight uniforms to yours confess their innermost secrets to you.  This is called:  Jumpseat Therapy. 
It is a strange phenomenon.  You go to briefing, meet five other crew members you’ve never laid eyes on before, and then, based on seniority, choose which duties you will be responsible for on the plane (which also determines where you will sit).  Next thing you know, you are buckled in next to someone who will inevitably share her entire life story with you.   

No topic is off limits.  Your new best friend tells you about her recent divorce, her five miscarriages, her mean former sister-in-law, her impending court date, and her flirty neighbor.  This is during boarding.  By take-off, she has revealed that she was abused as a child and always felt her soul mate was her second cousin. 
You want to participate in the share-fest too, but your life is pretty boring.  So you make stuff up. 

“My boyfriend just got out of jail,” you say competitively, “for tax evasion.” 
She ups the ante.  “My grown son just got his alcoholic girlfriend pregnant, and they’re moving in with me.” 

“My twin sister got fired from her last job,” you throw down the gauntlet, “for seducing her supervisor’s wife.”    
“My youngest daughter is bulimic and in the hospital.  Again.”  

“My neighbor crashed his car.  Into my living room.” 
“My former best friend set my house on fire.  While I was in it.” 

You cannot win, so you give up. 
“I think I just broke my nail?” you squeak. 

She looks at it sympathetically.  “That's a pretty serious injury.  You might have to have a paramedic meet the flight when we land.”
You nod. 

MOV

27 comments:

  1. I had a former colleague who always wanted to "one up" everybody. She claimed to have Howard Gardner (the Justin Beiber of education) on speed dial. At that point, you just walk away. But not off an airplane.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Woah! I get this also - with taxi drivers and people i sit next to on the train. If there is a type of face then clearly i have it. As do you. Clearly.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You must just have a friendly face! Either that, or they're all messing with you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hilarious! My mom and I have a little neon sign on our foreheads that reads "Talk to Me." We've heard a lot of "interesting" things, that's for sure. Of course we've never been strapped to a jumpseat at 30,000 whilst hearing them. You win!

    By the way, I love the photo that you put with this post. Very mod!

    ReplyDelete
  5. So funny! Tales we can tell strangers..or they tell us...on a plane. People you'll never see again you hope! Is today J? I did I for Inventor. Did I miss a day? LOL

    ReplyDelete
  6. My father in law used to have a picture practically identical to your PSA ad. He thought those girls were "real purty." Love a good info. dump in the friendly skies.

    ReplyDelete
  7. WHY do people want to share so much!? I have been in some really heart to heart situations and they still don't share that much. HOLY COW!

    See I would just say my life consists of tv dinners, reruns, and fuzzy slippers. that way maybe they would shut up.

    Well maybe satan worship, pedophilia and furry fests. That might actually do the trick.

    www.sweetydarlin.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  8. That is just too funny! I too have a sticker on my forehead...but never would dream of keeping up the fa sad of who has more going on in their life...while out shopping sometimes I see those who are like this and I strive to go in stealth mode! LOL My kids are like, Mom! what are you doing?! LOL

    On the flip side of it all, I often wonder if one of those moments a woman needs to share, I may be the only contact she could have that day or week...When I think like that I allow myself to be compassionate but keep the conversation on track to provide relief and maybe even rejuvenate some lost joy in her day.

    Great post! And totally true!

    ~ KeL

    www.lifesimage.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  9. On a flight back home many years ago we were assigned seats right in front of the jump seat. We didn't realize what a treat we were in for. Shortly after takeoff, the two flight attendants assigned to the back of the plane (they must have been VERY new) proceeded to have the loudest, longest argument I have ever been witness to in a public place. I don't remember what they were arguing about, but it lasted the entire flight - 1 1/2 hours! Awkward...
    Thanks for stopping by my place earlier - you are much funnier than I, so I shall follow your blog, as well. I am always delighted to read something that will put a smile on my face!
    Dawn

    ReplyDelete
  10. You sold me. Anyone who can make me laugh out loud can convince me to be their blog follower.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ha ha. What is just as funny is being a seat mate on a plane and the things you two will talk about (knowing you'll never see one another again). Best regards to you. Ruby

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great punchline!

    They must do it because they know you can't get away... but there's always the parachute option I suppose!

    ReplyDelete
  13. too funny. i will forevermore look at flight attendants with more curiosity, and perk my ears a bit! :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. You are hilarious! Now I'm forced to follow you back... and probably in a religious zealot way... except for the linen tunics and clunky sandals. And I'll probably show up bearing chocolate. And alcohol.

    Happy AtoZ-ing!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. chocolate and alcohol? now that is my kind of follower.......... welcome to you, Barb Black!!!

      Delete
    2. Barb and MOV, I got sucked in too and am also following back. Go A to Z! Chocolate, alcohol, what can I bring? Fruit or cake for dipping in the chocolate? I'm in!
      A2ZMommy and What’s In Between

      Delete
    3. yes, tracy, cake! bring cake!

      Delete
  15. Too funny! I am so glad you stopped by I am now your newest follower also! I will be back.
    until next time... nel

    ReplyDelete
  16. I. Never realized that passengers aren't the only ones fearing who they might have to endure siTting next to for the flight!

    ReplyDelete
  17. LOL. Okay, that's funny. :) Following you now...

    ReplyDelete
  18. TeeHee! I always make sure to casually mention that I'm a travel correspondent for Newsday when I get on a plane...The service is always splendid! Try it...

    Princess WeeWee

    ReplyDelete
  19. Haha, good stuff. How about I hid a body in the overhead bin once? Too far?

    ReplyDelete
  20. Haha,a great idea for a piece. Loved it

    All the best,
    Jack

    ReplyDelete
  21. Is it bad that I looked at that photo and thought: MMMMM lemonade.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. they do look like the Hot Dog on a Stick girls, don't they?!?

      Delete
  22. Hair Dressers are good example. Mine sure can talk.

    The Write Soil
    1st Writes

    ReplyDelete

When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)