725. Who Cares About The Movie, Did You See The Couch?

I am not fun to go to the movies with.  It’s not that I am the type of person who spoils the ending, laughs too loud, or talks to the screen saying, “Nooooooo, don’t go in there because you’re going to get killed!”  I am sure that The Husband or any of my beleaguered movie-going companions would much prefer if I were that type of movie destroyer.  No, the real reason that I can’t convince anyone to go to the movies with me now is:  I am obsessed with set design.

Remember the plot of the cute little rom-com with Diane Keaton, Jack Nicholson, and Keanu Reeves?  No?  Me, neither.  But I can tell you all about that glorious kitchen in Diane’s Hampton’s beach house.  Antique white cabinets, soapstone counters, hardwood floors, Viking stove, Sub-Zero refrigerator, and an island that might qualify as a its own continent.  We ordered this movie on Netflix and never got through the first half hour, what with me freezing it, running to the screen then saying to The Husband, “Do you think they got their drawer pulls at Restoration Hardware?  Do you like that pendant light?  Should we get one over our sink, too?” 

Don’t get me started on “The Devil Wears Prada.”  No one really cares about Anne Hathaway’s character’s dumpy apartment, but her boss's multi-million dollar brownstone and classy art collection was swoon-worthy.  I saw the movie when it was released in theaters, then bought it the second it came out on DVD so I could fast-forward to the spot where Anne is sneaking up the stairs at her boss's house and there is a phenomenal painting of a New York City street scene, complete with taxis and blurry lights.  I covet this painting and I have grand schemes of taking an art class and copying it. 

Who has time for that though when you could watch “Mr. Popper’s Penguins”?  Another movie set in New York, another stunning art collection.  Whole chunks of dialogue go undigested in my brain due to me focusing solely on Jim Carey’s oversized oil paintings that any Art History student would tell you are by Wayne Thiebaud (he of “Cakes” fame).  I kept tugging on The Husband’s jacket sleeve, “Sweetie, do you think that is the original painting?  Or just a copy?” 

Or how about “Match Point”s enviable London loft where Jonathan Rhys Meyers lived with his new wife before he started cheating on her with Scarlett Johansson?  It featured a wall of glass and a view of the Thames River that was to die for.  The wife’s character came from a wealthy family, so that explained the high-end art collection and pricey furniture even though the characters were so young.  Being involved in an intriguing love triangle that ends in murder was never so stylish.   

Sure, Pierce Brosnan is hot in “The Thomas Crown Affair,” but you know what’s hotter?  That unbelievably gorgeous retreat Rene Russo stayed at in the Caribbean.  I was ready to pack my bags and renounce my citizenship on the spot.  No set is more enviable than one on the ocean. 

Speaking of living near the beach, who wouldn’t love the set of another fun rom-com but this one starring Alec Baldwin, Meryl Streep, and Steve Martin?  The moment the camera pans to the Santa Barbara sprawling estate where talented restaurateur Meryl lives, I was checking real estate web sites.  The story line was alluring, but not more alluring than that those arched doorways, soaring ceilings, and antique clawfoot tub. 

I check the latest movie listings and notice Julia Roberts is playing the evil witch in the Snow White re-do called “Mirror, Mirror.”  I most likely won’t be going to that movie:  I can't afford a castle. 

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("Movie's Original Vision")