Potato legs kinda freak me out.
Top Reasons Potato Legs Freak Me Out:
- Potatoes are, last I checked, food. Foods should just sit on your plate and wait to be eaten, they should not still be growing.
- I am afraid that if I accidentally forget a potato in the kitchen for too long, it will sprout (in addition to the legs) potato arms and come after me in the middle of the night zombie-style and try to strangle me with its skinny but surprisingly strong potato arms.
- If I was hungry before, I am instantaneously not hungry after glancing at potato legs. Did I say instantaneously? I meant sooner than that.
- My mom made the mistake one time of forgetting about a potato and then it sprouted not just potato legs, but a centipede-like army of potato feet complete with shoes. It was not a pretty sight.
I don’t believe him. The fierce potato legs and The Husband are obviously in cahoots. They have been most likely plotting and planning to take over the world while I pretend to sleep.
I’m not having it anymore. The next time The Husband and I go to the grocery store together, while he is momentarily distracted by free taco samples from the cute Trader Joe’s Sample Girl, I stealthily remove the faux-innocent bag of potatoes (still hiding its multiple legs deep inside, like a dangerous resting octopus mimicking a roly-poly bug) and replace it with a fat bag of frozen tater tots.
I like tater tots. They remind me of something with no legs whatsoever. They remind me of pillows. Yes, pillows of fluffy burnt goodness, that I can douse in ketchup.
Ketchup, on the other hand, reminds me of blood …