Potato legs kinda freak me out.
Top Reasons Potato Legs Freak Me Out:
- Potatoes are, last I checked, food. Foods should just sit on your plate and wait to be eaten, they should not still be growing.
- I am afraid that if I accidentally forget a potato in the kitchen for too long, it will sprout (in addition to the legs) potato arms and come after me in the middle of the night zombie-style and try to strangle me with its skinny but surprisingly strong potato arms.
- If I was hungry before, I am instantaneously not hungry after glancing at potato legs. Did I say instantaneously? I meant sooner than that.
- My mom made the mistake one time of forgetting about a potato and then it sprouted not just potato legs, but a centipede-like army of potato feet complete with shoes. It was not a pretty sight.
I don’t believe him. The fierce potato legs and The Husband are obviously in cahoots. They have been most likely plotting and planning to take over the world while I pretend to sleep.
I’m not having it anymore. The next time The Husband and I go to the grocery store together, while he is momentarily distracted by free taco samples from the cute Trader Joe’s Sample Girl, I stealthily remove the faux-innocent bag of potatoes (still hiding its multiple legs deep inside, like a dangerous resting octopus mimicking a roly-poly bug) and replace it with a fat bag of frozen tater tots.
I like tater tots. They remind me of something with no legs whatsoever. They remind me of pillows. Yes, pillows of fluffy burnt goodness, that I can douse in ketchup.
Ketchup, on the other hand, reminds me of blood …
MOV
Ha! They're like alien pods, waiting to burrow inside your brain.
ReplyDeleteStephanie, I knew you of all people would understand!
DeletePlus, they come up out of the ground in the first place, and if you cut them in half and plant them, they still come back! I think you're onto something.
ReplyDeleteYou're totally spookin' me out, Ron. Food should taste yummy, then be done. None of this "reincarnated as a new food" phenomenon.
Deleteps-- think pizza, the ideal food
DeleteSome of the most horrible moments of my life include pulling a potato from the bag and freaking out when I noticed all the hairy, dangling legs. Absolute horror. On the plus side, I was always so grossed out, I lost a pound or two. Great post!
ReplyDeleteI *knew* we were kindred spirits...........
DeleteMy father was famous for spending 1000 dollars to harvest 75 dollars worth of produce. I remember the potato year. My brother grousing "this is the stupidest ever, plant a potato and get a potato".
ReplyDeleteTake your little leg cut outs and plant them in the garden. You have science class and you have buried the legs only to come back as zombie potato people.
nola, see above message to ron. you are freakin' me out. Whose side are you on anyway? or as my sons would say, "Who would win: MOV or Potato?"
DeleteI guess the answer is obvious: Potato.
I was the zombie killer (like Stephanie) today as I ate a baked potato with broccoli and cheese on it for lunch. You're welcome. :-)
ReplyDeleteI can rest easier now, thanks to helpful individuals like yourself. Where shall I sent the bouquet of (fake*) flowers as a thank you?
Delete*they are fake flowers so there will be no danger of potential reincarnation (get it? carnation? ha ha ha, I crack myself up sometimes........)
I don't like my food to resemble body parts, especially humans. The only reason we don't eat humans is because they taste lousy and we don't look good sitting on a plate.
ReplyDeleteI do like ketchup. Lots of ketchup.
You know what looks good sitting on a plate? A nice stack of Girl Scout Cookies. Mmmmmmm.
DeleteI hate those things!
ReplyDeleteI always thought of them as potato cancer... but legs? LEGS?
You've just opened a door I was trying to keep closed.
Nightmares, they are a-coming.
oh-oh, potato cancer?!? that might be worse!
DeleteI don't understand why sometimes they quietly grow legs to wander off to become zombies, and other times they rot with the loud stench of 100 corpses...ewwww! How can such an unassuming veggie work up such a smell?!
ReplyDeleteoh, it is an either/or proposition? I never knew.......
DeleteMaybe it was just too frightening to consider both at once...but usually if I find a rotten one, it is legless!
ReplyDelete