Friday, April 26, 2013

949. W Is for Washing Machine Funeral

It was premature to even plan the funeral until my dear friend had actually died, but I knew she was getting close.  She had already lived a solid decade longer than anyone could have predicted, even with her present “condition,” which had symptoms of loud banging and clanking, along with excessive speeds at awkward intervals.  I had looked it up online and found out she had “Spinning Disorder” which was not curable.  Her life span would be less than one month at this point, and that was a generous estimate.    

The Husband was clearly on her side, and would have none of it when I brought up the subject of her imminent demise and (more happily) her replacement. 
“How can you even talk about Washing Machine like that?  I thought you loved Washing Machine,” he started, making me question my intimacy level with not only Washing Machine, but also with The Husband.  “I think we can get another few years out of her, and besides, I think she can hear us talking about her.” 

Now this was quite the reversal.  I was usually the one who ascribed personality traits and sometimes even names to inanimate objects, not The Husband.  Normally, he was pragmatic. 
“Sweetie,” I countered, “let’s be realistic.  Washing Machine was here when we bought the house almost four years ago, and she had already served her 20-year tour of duty for the previous owner.  Twenty-four in ‘appliance years’ is like 110 in people years.  She is beyond elderly, she’s ... ancient.”

The Husband adopted a peculiar look, a look of horror, mixed with disgust, with a dash of determination thrown in.  I had seen this same look before, right after my car engine died three years ago and had to be replaced.  The Husband was exhibiting classic signs of denial. 
“MOV, Washing Machine is not dead yet, and I refuse to acknowledge the possibility.” 

“Look, Sweetie, we just got our tax refund—$700!  And that is exactly what a decent quality washer costs.  Let’s go to Sears, scope out a few, and make a decision.”
The Husband shook his head forlornly.    

“No.  No.  I refuse.” 
He disappeared to the basement, and came back a few minutes later as if nothing had happened. 

“We’re going to Sears,” he said, getting his jacket. 
I tried to suppress my smug attitude and a devious smile, but I knew I had won. 

“MOV, Washing Machine is fine,” he clarified.  “Now Dryer won’t start.” 


  1. HA HA HA! We had this happen to us as well. However, neither of us felt particularly loyal to the previous appliances. They, too, were ancient and came with the house. I'd even had the washer fixed at least twice. When it kept making the clothes have rusty streaks on them I was OVER it. Then the dryer would take hours, I mean hours, to dry clothes. Too much hassle with small children who must have their clothing washed multiple times per day.

  2. Lol. We recently had to get a new washing machine, too, and went with a used one to save money. I miss my old front loader :(

  3. I have been know to ascribe personality traits to inanimate objects and the first time I had to replace a washing machine, I cried. That was a very long time ago and my "new" machine is pushing twenty years. Now I wonder why I was not sad when the furnace had to be replaced. I guess it's because I was not physically connected with it.

  4. LOL. I just bought my first ever matching washer and dryer (after 13+ years of marriage). They're so awesome I think we could climb inside and fly to the moon! Not only that, I only have to run the dryer ONCE. Yay! Oh, it feels so good, eh?

  5. My sister and her husband just got a washer that also dries. And I don't know if it's night or day out anymore...

  6. Ha-ha-ha, your Husband reminds me of my Better Half. Enjoy the new washer!

  7. Obviously you need to just put Washing Machine out of her misery and put her to rest once and for all by shooting her with a rifle.

  8. Uh-oh, sometimes one can't bear to be without a mate....

  9. Lol! Funny. I inherited my no bells and whistles Maytag and she was 13 and that was 18 years ago. So far, she's been great. She's moved twice and across country once. She's washed tons of kid clothes and everything else. Dryer, on the other hand, only made it to 2002 before needing to be replaced. I'm NOT looking forward to getting another washer but so far there's been on indication of the need. Whew!

  10. This made me laugh. It's so funny, mostly because I went through the same thing about two years ago. Sadly, the new appliances don't last as long as the old ones do.


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