MOVarazzi

Monday, April 1, 2013

925. A Is for Abominable Snowman

The Abominable Snowman lives under my bed.  At least that is what my former 9-year-old self used to think.  Of course, my current 44-year-old self no longer believes in such nonsense.  That is, until The Husband and our young sons go camping without me for two nights. 

At first, I revel in the freedom.  Forty-eight hours of Me Time!  I can eat chocolate ice-cream for dinner.  And breakfast.  I can wear pajamas the whole time and not wash my hair and no one will care.  I can read trashy movie-star magazines or watch back-to-back episodes of House Hunters for three hours straight and no one will stop me.  Yay! 
This is going to be the best 48 hours of my life!    

But then the clock ticks up near 11 pm and I start to feel uncomfortable being So.  Very.  Alone.  All you can hear is me slurping melted Haagen-Dazs, and in the background an animated conversation between those first-time home buyers from Nashville who have recently relocated to Miami and are shocked at the high prices of beachfront condos.  I finally turn off the TV, and my house goes eerily silent, like it is covered in Saran Wrap.  Saran Wrap made from Abominable Snowmen fluff.    
I go from room to room, making sure every door and window are locked and there are no signs of Abominable Snowmen footprints or sheddings.  I barricade the kitchen door with a chair and a big bag of recycling, just in case.  I leave the hall light on, something I never do.  The house glows bluish-white, the exact color of Abominable Snowmen.     

For no absolutely reason at all, I have trouble falling asleep.  Huh.  Weird.    
The Abominable Snowman lurks under my half-empty queen-sized bed, waiting for me.  To keep him company, he has brought along his BFF, Big Foot.  How could I ever have agreed to let The Husband and the boys go camping without me?  What was I thinking? 

Ultimately, I drift into a fitful sleep, but find myself saucer-eyed awake at 5 am, Big Foot’s finest hour.  Of new and immediate concern are the potential UFOs landing on the roof. 
Of course there are no UFOs, what with the age of the roof and all.  No alien in his right mind is going to chance crashing through the decrepit old shingles.  Neither are there any Abominable Snowmen, as my house is much too warm now that I have cranked the thermostat to an Abominable-Snowman-wilting 74 degrees. 

But we all know that heat does not bother Big Foot.  He likes warm.  That is why he has been sighted in summer as well as winter.         
Somehow I manage to make it through the rest of my day, and around dinner time, a miraculous thing happens:  my loving family walks in the door. 

“What are you doing home so early?” I ask, trying to contain my relief and pleasure that they are home so early.  I do not want to disclose my bizarre fear of scary creatures last seen on the Discovery Channel’s Myths and Legends series.  (Really, MOV, what next?  The Loch Ness Monster?  Unicorns? Centaurs?  Gargoyles and Griffins that come to life?)  “I thought you wouldn’t be back until tomorrow.” 
“It started to snow,” says The Husband matter-of-factly with a slight shrug for emphasis, “we didn’t want to get stuck.” 

I nod.  I suppress another smile.  “You made the right choice, Sweetie.”    
“But guess who I saw at the campground!” squeals my younger son, Short, excitedly. 

I wait for him to tell me one of the usual suspects:  raccoon, deer, hawks, or some happy cartoonish woodland creature.   
“I think I saw Big Foot!” he confirms. 

I involuntarily gasp.  Turns out everyone has seen Big Foot at one time or another.        

It’s going to be a long night ….
MOV

54 comments:

  1. Why, this isn't abominable at all!

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  2. Hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa brilliant! I'm so glad someone's as much of a fearty as me! Definitely keeping the bedside lamp on tonight...

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    1. I always want to be alone, but then when I am alone, I'm like, why am I alone?!!?

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  3. Glad I am not the only one who thinks the Abominable Snowman is lurking somewhere near me.... :)

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    1. misery loves company? (unless the company is 8 feet tall and covered in blue fur)

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  4. hmmm...Saran Wrap made from Abominable Snowmen fluff. That would definitely keep out freezer burn - you should market it!!

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    1. ha! was looking for a good description and that is what jumped in my brain.

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  5. I spend quite a lot of time at home alone (it's just me and my mum) and it never gets any less scary. Thank goodness I have my cocker spaniel to protect me!

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    1. smart girl! I don't think my cat would scare away Big Foot.

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  6. I completely sympathise, I'm pretty sure the boogeyman is in my wardrobe. Of course, he's probably trying on my shoes, but still...

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    1. way to keep him busy with the shoes, Kellie..... (who knew the boogeyman was a cross-dresser?)

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  7. Aliens are able to beam you through the roof anyway.

    Besides, the Abominable Snowman will scare them off.

    (One of the A-Z minions just checking in!)

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    1. oh yikes, I forgot about that!

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  8. Big Foot is too big to live under your bed but I bet you wouldn't like my alligator either. As an adult, I am quite positive that there is no alligator under the bed but should my finger or toe accidentally slip off the side if the bed, I instantly wake up and pull them back to safety.

    It's so nice to know that I am not alone.

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    1. ha! but doesn't Big Foot shrink to fit when necessary? it is part of his super powers.

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  9. Hahahah some childhood fears never really leave us!

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  10. Cute. Important to know this about Big Foot - he is giant in size but can slip behind a tree unnoticed until you spot him sneaking a peek back at you with a wink and a smile.

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  11. He didn't see Big Foot. He saw the Abominable Snowman, who will be getting a better agent in the future. He made it snow, thank you very much. But he also DOES underneath your bed. So you'll just have to learn to live with him.

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    1. it is very dusty under my bed, the least he could do is clean while he's there.......

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  12. Have you ever read the children's book "I Need My Monster" by Amanda Noll? I'd like to say that you should but it might send you into a terrified frenzy. Our boys really enjoy it. And, I have to know, does your abominable snowman look like the one from "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer"? If so, you know what to do -- pull out his teeth! :-)

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    1. pull out his teeth? I like this strategy!

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  13. Now he looks spooky. You need to get the MONSTER HIGH figure of his daughter Abbey Bominable. You can get an ice bed for her pjama figure. I am sorry I know all that but I do.

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  14. Brilliant! Sometimes things we were frightened of as a child do return...spooky.
    Enjoy the challenge!

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  15. Maybe he was after the Haagen-Dazs...

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  16. I'm the same way when my husband goes out of town. I leave our bathroom light on and still wake up at every tiny noise. In my case, however, it's not Big Foot I fear. It's those faceless, nameless bad guys that chase me in my nightmares.

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    1. glad to know I am not the only one who feels this way (*off to buy a Doberman*)

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  17. HA! I am terrified of big foots or skunk apes as they are called here in Florida! And I go camping all the time. This is why I am so glad I don't have cable anymore and won't doze off watching Alien Hunters or Finding Bigfoot!

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    1. cable is the root of all nightmares

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  18. Hi, Loved it. I am scared of snakes under my bed. :)

    Mary Hill
    Mary-andering Creatively

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    1. note to self: add new fear of snakes to the list

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  19. That was a great post, and thanks for the follow!

    Cheers,

    W.

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  20. That was an excellent post. I really enjoyed it, laughing all the wat through. I still get really nervous when I am alone ay night. I hear every noise, I never hear any if those when everybody is home. Maybe their snoring drowns out the noise.

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    1. thanks! and snoring does drown out a lot of other (Big Foot) noises........

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  21. Sounds like you made the right choice by staying home, since apparently Big Foot was on the camping trip. Nothing like desperately needing to leave the tent for a bathroom run in the middle of the night with Big Foot lurking nearby...

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    1. yikes! I guess I would hold it in until morning???

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  22. Wonderful! Totally get the three hours of House Hunters. My guilty pleasure. Funny post...looking forward to reading more.

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    1. thanks! yeah, I talk a lot about House Hunters.

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  23. When my husband is away, his side of the bed contains my cell phone, the house phone, the ipad, a book and the tv remote. I figure that covers any middle of the night issues!

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  24. Love the full circle! Good job with A :)

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  25. Hilarious! That's especially funny considering hubby is addicted to the "Finding Bigfoot" show *shakes fist at Animal Planet*

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  26. A weekend in the house alone? I can't imagine. I do understand the fear when in the house without your husband, though. I hate when he goes out of town. I get no sleep. I don't think of the abominable, though. Freddy Kruger comes after me.
    Good luck with a to z!

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    1. oh, Freddy........ maybe he is a nice guy under all that make-up

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  27. Great post. You have a wonderful sense of humor.

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    1. thanks, Pamela! come back to read more!

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