“Oh,
Sweetie, chill. It’s a blog. It’s not like I’m in the courtroom, taking an
oath for perjury or anything.”
“Against
perjury.”
“Yeah,
whatever. Anyway, how interesting would
that be? ‘The Husband loves Opera’?
Come on. Boring. Predictable.”
“Predictable? Making me prefer a football game over Opera is
predictable. You’re just reinforcing a
stereotype about men. I want you to
write a new blog and correct the old blog.”
“No.”
“’No’? What do you mean, ‘No’?”
“Just what I
said: No.”
“MOV, I mean
it: stop telling lies about me! When people meet me, they are going to think
I am so one-dimensional!”
“Who? Who exactly are you meeting?”
“You know,
like, your fans.”
“How are you
planning to meet my fans? I’ve never even met my fans.”
“You told me
some guy asked for your autograph outside the bookstore one time?”
“Oh,
that guy? Well, I sorta told you he asked for
my autograph, but he actually asked me for a dollar to buy some coffee.”
“Where can
you buy coffee for a dollar? I think
even 7-11 charges a buck fifty.”
“That’s
beside the point. The point is, he was
homeless, he asked for money, and so I embellished the interaction a little bit
and told you later that he asked for my autograph.”
“See? There’s that lying thing again. You tell lies on your blog, and then you tell
me lies about people asking for your autograph.
If you needed something interesting to write about, why not tell about
how cute Short looked for the Alice in
Wonderland ballet all dressed up in his little suit jacket and how proud he
was and kept saying he looked like me when I am going to work and you could
also write about how Tall tore off his uncomfortable dressy clothes layer by
layer starting in the car before we even got there? Now that
is funny.”
“How is that
funny? And who is writing this
blog? If you want to write your kooky
stories, you are welcome to start your own
blog.”
“Maybe I
will. I’ll call it ‘The Real Truth, Nothing But the Truth’ and
I’ll have a lot of readers, readers who don’t want to be lied to for the sake
of entertainment or a cheap laugh.”
“You know
what, Sweetie? You are so overreacting. Blogs are made of letters and words and
stories, some true, some inflated, some squishy. I reserve the right to inject my stories with
the occasional white lie, and pepper them strategically with black and blue lies,
too.”
“What is a
black and blue lie? Like a bruise?”
“The point
is, it’s fiction. Some of it is memoir,
and some of it is make-believe-oir. My
readers can tell the difference.”
“I don’t
like it, MOV. I don’t want to lied to,
manipulated. I only like truth.” He picked up his dog-eared People magazine, and exited the room.
MOV
p.s. thank you to Haley for the idea for this (blog from husband's point of view)
Oh that's interesting. I like the phrase "black and blue lie".
ReplyDeletethanks! I was trying to think of the opposite of a white lie.
DeleteMake-believe-oir---I like it: reimagined history and selective memory together! :-)
ReplyDeleteexactly!!
DeleteTruth doesn't translate nearly as well as lies...or should we call it "slightly less that truthful". (the word LIE seems a bit harsh)
ReplyDeleteI am sure I would read your husband's blog but frankly we all know that a blog that says "the truth and only the truth" is going to bomb. People love fabrication...if he doubts that, he could just ask the people at People.
yeah, had to throw that bit of irony in about him reading People. He makes fun of me for buying US or LifeStyle or any of those celebrity magazines, but then he fishes them out of the recycle bin when I am done.......
DeleteI would love to see more husband blogs! There's got to be some out there somewhere.. Now I'm on the hunt.. This post was so funny and has now turned me into a stalker. Thanks.. ;)
ReplyDeleteI am sure they must exist. I do know one "collective" blog that my cyber friend Youngman Brown is a part of called "DudeWrite" (just google it and it will come up). It is guys writing, but not necessarily husbands and dads. Hmmm. I know I have seen some good ones. ALso, this one:
Deletehttp://www.incomingbytes.blogspot.com/
Another guy, but not just talkiing about family stuff necessarily. Hmmm. Readers? let me know your faves!
HA! So very true! Bloggers are writers (even if they are putting out a photo blog comprised solely of photos of ferns and snails! And writers embellish. Writers describe and paint pictures with words pulled from our sometimes occasionally fuzzy memories. Did the homeless guy really ask for an autograph. Doesn't matter. In your mind he could have and that's the point!
ReplyDeleteAlso I'll throw a big "Heck Yeah!" to M.M. MiMi up above and say the men and daddy bloggers need more love and support!
Yes, a little embellishment can go a long way. Even basic descriptions. Instead of "It was bright," I prefer "shined like triple flash photography of sunlight and cubic zirconias on snow at high noon." Is it a lie? Not necessarily.
DeleteOh no... the Husband Uprising has spread to MOV's blog too!
ReplyDeleteSee? all your fault.
DeleteLOL :) When I say something I've blogged or am going to blog, hubby will sometimes offer a suggestion. I listen to it (but of course rarely use it :) but have told him he could start his own blog if he wanted to :)
ReplyDeletebetty
The Husband says he never reads my blog. But then he will surprise me later by asking why I wrote about a particular thing. Maybe he DOES read it from time to time?
DeleteBut sometimes the "truth" is just not funny or entertaining. Right? Now, I'm not saying that "journalists" need to be making up stories or adding white, blue or black lies. Not at all. But, for this arena, your stories are perfect, even if they aren't completely, utterly, every word truth. The Husband may take some convincing.
ReplyDeletethank you!!! :)
DeleteDon't listen to your one dimensional husband. Stretching the truth or flat out making stuff up for the sake of entertainment is what people want. Plus people know that not everything they read is 100% true. So please don't take the advice of someone that just sits around all day watching football, hates the opera, and wants to molest your fans.
ReplyDeleteDamn straight, Christian!!
DeleteFor the record, I have never lied a single time on my blog.
ReplyDeleteI am 27 years old, weigh 130 pounds, and I work out 5 days a week.
(I never said anything about not lying on YOUR blog).
Funny post. Our husbands should hang.
I am also 27 years old, weigh 130 pounds, and work out 5 days a week. That is why we get along so well.
DeleteI'd totally read his blog.
ReplyDeleteI will let him know! If you see a new blog out there with the name of
Deletehusbandsofmothersofbrothersblog
it might be his.
(kidding-- that is not really a blog name)
xxo
MOV