This package arrives in the mail yesterday, and it is not from LLBean, Amazon, etsy, Lego.com nor any of the usual suspects.
It is from a blogger.I carefully open it up and am amazed to find this incredible piece of art, very David Hockney-esque (you know, if David Hockney made ocean collages instead of roads and deserts and swimming pools), and I gasp.
Literally, gasp. Someone I have never met (and have not sent money to) mailed me art! WOW!
Now, I must give you a bit of the backstory here. Lillian Connelly (the artist/ blogger extraordinaire in question) recently posted a very kind review of me and my writing on her blog. I sent her a thank you note. Next thing you know--voila! She sends me art!
So I immediately drove over to the Smithsonian and of course they wanted the collage.“Yes, absolutely, we are very interested in it,” said the Director of Acquisitions. “It is phenomenal.”
I didn’t really want to donate or sell it to the Smithsonian, I just wanted validation that it was worth millions.“Millions, without a doubt,” chimed in the Appraiser. “You have a very special piece on your hands.”
I nodded and turned to leave. I was going to frame it and hang it in my dining room, the one place my children are not allowed to kick soccer balls.“Where do you think you are going?” inquired the Supervisor of Security. “You may not leave the building with that piece.” He reached over like he was going to grab it from me.
Right then, the Museum Curator intervened. “Don’t touch the art!” she screeched. “Keep excess fingerprints off of it!”“I am taking it home,” I clarified, “and I promise I will wear gloves at all times.” It was a lie and they knew it.
“I hate to tell you this, Madam MOV, but we had a verbal agreement,” said the Attorney of Museumish Affairs.
Then he pressed a button on his iPhone and a voice that sounded eerily like mine started rambling: "I have a piece of art that you might be interested in. I am considering donating it to you as a tax write-off, or (insert nervous giggle here) if you want to provide me with, say, a year's supply of Target's Ritter Dark Chocolate with Marzipan, that might be what I would consider a fair trade."
The room went silent. Just then, a uniformed guard knocked on the door. He and a helper were struggling to push a large industrial dolly with six wooden crates marked Ritter. "Your chocolate, Madam."
“A deal’s a deal,” declared the Director of Acquisitions, a petite woman who I was liking less by the second. “You have your preferred payment, and now we get the art.”Fast forward to me sitting in my dining room gazing at the mermaid collage.
I had laughed at the Smithsonian, laughed in their faces. (Only six crates of chocolate? That wouldn’t be enough to get me through the week.)
"Museums Of Vision"
P.S. A HUGE thank you to Lillian of It's A Dome Life for the gorgeous collage (and readers, FYI: she does sell them). Lillian, you rock!