Thursday, July 19, 2012

818. What Not To Say

Sometimes the tongue/ teeth/ voice box combo click on faster than the brain neurons controlling content.  I wish my brain would take a quick glance at the potential words first, like opening the oven to check on the cookies before taking them out and eating them when they are completely  undercooked.  Who wants raw mushy cookies, and really, who wants my raw thoughts before they have had a chance to be properly baked? 

Here is just a very small sampling of some things I may or may not have said that were (surprisingly) not well-received by the recipient: 
To my younger son about his art project:  “Oh, I’m sorry, Sweetie … did the teacher not give you enough time to finish?” 

To my boss:  (after convincing her to let me work from home over the summer) “You know, it is really hard to get anything done at home with the kids around.” 
To The Husband:  (after he made dinner) “Please don’t ever make this again.” 

To my best friend:  “You are lucky you have me in your life,” (when I meant to say the reverse).
To my mother-in-law:  “Oh, sorry, we are busy that day,” (before she had a chance to tell me the date). 

To the new dental hygienist:  (before she pokes me with sharp metal instruments) “Do you know what happened to Joannie who used to work here?  I really liked her.  I hope you are as good as her.  Does Joannie work close by now?”     
To my older son’s principal at the end of a meeting about unexcused absences:  “Did I mention we’ll be pulling Tall and Short out of school for a week in November to go to Disney?”    

So you see, I should just keep my mouth shut at times.  Some of the time.  Okay, most of the time. 
Maybe all of the time. 



  1. I won't go into details here, but a word to the wise: Never have an instant message conversation with both your mother and some guy you're having casual dirty sex with at the same time. One might inadvertently tell one's mother what she wants him to do to her.

    The sad thing is, true story.



  2. I love the first one. I often have the following kind of exchange with my 4 yr old:

    ME: "Oooh, that's a cool space ship you drew"
    SON: "That's mommy"

  3. Telling my boss "I do not like to clean up other people's messes" when my job actually was to clean up other people's messes.

  4. The hubby, best friend and MIL made me LOL! I, for one, love to hear this kind of stuff. I tend to word things carefully so I have some admiration here for you getting your "raw" words out there!

  5. You know, maybe you're just too honest for your own good? ;-) I know a really, really sweet guy with NO filter. Sometimes it can be really amusing, sometimes it gets him in trouble. Either way, you know he doesn't mean to hurt anyone. He's just honest.

  6. Go ahead and tell the truth. I always have. All that's happened is I've gotten older and everybody dislikes me as much as they did when I was young. Big whoop.


  7. I am busy that day. Oh, you didn't tell me what day it was? No matter, I'm sure I'll be busy whenever it is. Love it.

  8. You are so funny MOV! The most dangerous was the boss one, ouch. I am guilty of that too. Or sometimes I'm too literal and touchy feely people think I'm mean (because they are always translating negative feedback about objects onto themselves).

  9. MOV,
    Right on. I'm a Scorpio and I have a tendency to be brutally honest (that sting of the Scorpion). Must. Remember. To. Bake. My. Words.

    Thank you for the lesson in common sense and baking.


  10. I have been told more than once to turn on my verbal filter :) I am well known for saying things before I think about the consequences. I totally feel your pain, and frequently say to myself "Did I just say that out loud?"

    1. PS, brand new post, feedback appreciated :)

  11. I tend to enjoy a mushy cookie here and there and you raw is ...well...pretty darn funny but I do get it how the brain can be a trouble maker when it isn't someone who is in the mood for mushy cookies or expecting humor because the oops just kidding isn't very well received in the moments of oops did I just say that! thanks for this humorous reminding how we all have those oops moments :}

  12. This happens to me all the time! Usually at work too when I'm dead serious, but don't think about how it will sound until it's said. Maybe it's getting easier to offend people these days, who knows!

    Great post as usual. Cheers!

  13. TOO funny, MOV, and all of those are typically faux pas, or 'foot in mouth', a.k.a. "oopsies". There is no cure for the stumbletounge when it's hooked to a fumbleBrain. .. hahahhahaha! Everybody does it.

    I once told my wife about her chicken stew dumplings:
    " Dear, never mind, they're pretty tasty, but golf balls aren't as tough as these" when I was, in sympathy, really wanting to say "Dear, never mind, they're pretty tasty, but at least) they're not as tough as golf balls". Ooopsie.... ":))

  14. I've stopped trying long ago. For many years, it seemed like I was born to offend. It isn't as if I wanted to hurt anyone. It's that a little alien had taken control of my body. Mostly, it just stuck to making me say things that would injure others, but every once in a while, it made me trip and fall in front of a crowd.

  15. Oh, I do that all the time. My latest greatest: at a club with my husband's co-workers (please note, I NEVER go to clubs...haven't been in over a decade). One hair-receding co-worker asks jokingly "Where were all of these girls when I wasn't married?". I answer "In elementary school". He stares at me and says "I'm only 25."


  16. Heres some advice that I try to live by (except of course not on my blog unfiltered )

    Listen more than you speak.


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