MOVarazzi

Friday, June 22, 2012

801. Hair Scare

While I slept peacefully, my hair had an emergency meeting just after midnight last night. 

“Hey, Roots!” shouted Split Ends like a drill sergeant.  “We need you!  You know how she prefers blond?  I don’t like it.  We gotta let people know her age.  GRAY!  Gray is what we’re after.”       
Roots agreed.  “And what about Frizz?  Frizz, you make her look like a sad, deformed chicken.” 

Frizz guffawed.  “I’m glad you noticed.  Hey, she was talking about doing some family photos this week.  This is the time for us to give her a scruffy look.”   
“How about breakage?” said Follicle.  “I think that would be upsetting.  Or some of us could just fall out all together?” 

The rest of the group nodded and cheered.  Bangs spoke up for the first time:  “She’s never liked me anyway … how about I do that sticking-up-thing, you know, out to the side?  Even after she tries gel or hairspray.” 
“Genius.” 

“Brilliant.” 
“Bloody perfect.”  Random Curl always used British phrases with her phony accent.

I woke up, still oblivious to their clandestine meeting and their recent mutiny.  I inadvertently glanced in the mirror as I was brushing my teeth;  I choked on my toothpaste.
The second the clock reached 10 AM, I reached for the phone.  I made two calls.  The first, to reschedule the photos, and the next ...       
“Hi, when can you squeeze me in for a cut and highlights?” 
MOV
(“Mistress Of Vision”)

26 comments:

  1. That was me the day before yesterday, took the hairdresser 2 and half hours to make me half way presentable.

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    1. only 2 1/2? you got off easy. I am envious.

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  2. Hehehe, you are so funny! I feel your pain. Boyfriend reached over to me yesterday at dinner time and said "You've got hair horns..." Hair horns???!!!!!!

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  3. I think my hair might have been conferenced in on that meeting since we too have family pics coming up. Grrr...

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    Replies
    1. I have heard there is an epidemic.

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  4. I'm heading to the salon today. Believe me, it's time...

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    Replies
    1. I shoulda gone about 2 weeks ago............

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  5. Make it a pic where everyone wears hats.

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    Replies
    1. Girlfriend, I like the way you think!

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  6. Oh dear. But, you know, that chicken in the photo is really cute.

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    Replies
    1. I do sorta wanna pet the fluffy chicken. would he try to bite me?

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  7. I wish your hair would stop talking to my hair.

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  8. That's exactly why I have a pony tail every day. Oh yeah, bitches? PONY TAIL!!

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    Replies
    1. but what happens when the pny tail rebels?

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  9. Oh, man. It's time for a trim and a wax and color. Thanks for the reminder. My hair doesn't carry on meetings at night. Damn!

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. you are missing all the fun then!

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  10. My hair always looks absolutely awful, but I've grown used to it. I've made it my thing.

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  11. I bet your hairs called in a favor to their other friend...humidity! I so need to go pick out a color, or I am going to go wild with the brown sharpie!

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    Replies
    1. you got it: its evil partner, Humidity!

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  12. It's those hellish days when I resemble Don King when awakening, that I make the emergency call to the salon, and break out a lovely hair clip.

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