MOVarazzi

Monday, June 4, 2012

787. Muse Calls


“Oh, MOV, you aren’t going to believe this, but—”

“You were fired.” 

“Yes!  How did you know?” 
“I suspected.  But what’s the reason?  Lack of pilot’s license?  Criminal record?  Grand Theft Auto?  DUI?” 

“No, no, none of those things.  And I do have my pilot’s license.  I used to fly for Independence Air, didn’t I tell you that?” 
Muse was full of surprises.  “No, no, I never knew that, actually.”  I was impressed, but I didn’t want her to know I was.  Her ego was big enough to fit in a small plane, or a big plane. 


“I think I’m going to take them to court.  It was unconstitutional of them to fire me.” 


“Delta is allowed to fire you for a having a jail record.” 


“That’s not it, MOV.  I lost my job because of Facebook.” 
“What?  Are you kidding me?  What happened?” 

“They called me into the office after a flight and asked me to take some things off my Facebook page.  I refused.” 


“Like what?  What things?” 


“Well, just a few pictures of me partying, and maybe the chandelier photo where I may or may not be wearing undergarments.” 

“You were swinging from a chandelier naked?  What are you, Britney Spears?”   

“No, no, nothing like that.  It’s just, well, the photographer told me we were going to do a few artistic shots, so I wanted to be accommodating …”


“Artistic?  Artistic?  Oh, Muse, that’s the oldest line in the book!  But, okay, who cares about that, what did the Delta people say when you told them you’d take the questionable photos off your page?” 


“No, you don’t understand—I didn’t say that.  I said I was leaving them up, and if it mattered that much, they could fire me.” 

“They called your bluff.” 


“I wasn’t bluffing.” 

“So you would rather not have a job, a good job with good benefits, so you can have your Facebook page?” 


“No, it was the principle of it.  But anyway, I got rid of my Facebook.  Too time consuming.” 

“Muse, back up.  You stood by your principles that you deserved to keep your Facebook page, and then you got fired, and then you quit Facebook anyway?” 


“Yes.” 

“Why?” 


“I told you, it’s a time suck.  I had too many friends to keep track of.  And everyone was all, Hey Muse, hey, be my friend! And I’m all, Hey I don’t even know who you are! And then it turns out I met them at some party or they’re friends with some of my friends, or whatever.  Ugh.  I’d had enough.”

“Wait—how many friends exactly did you have?”


“Oh, I dunno, like 17, 368?  Something like that.  Oh, no, did I say 17,000?  Gah, I’m so dyslexic.  I mean 71,000.  That’s kind of average, though, right?” 

(I wasn’t on Facebook, but most people I knew did not have friends into the four or five figures.) 

“Muse, I think most normal people might have between 100 and 300 friends.  700 would be really high.” 

“Oh, well, good, they can have some of mine!  I don’t need them anymore!” 


I couldn’t think of anything to say.  I just waited for her to fill in the silence, it would happen soon enough. 


“So guess what, my phone is ringing like crazy!  I had to change my number!” 

“What now?” 


“Were you not listening?  Everyone is freaking out that I am off Facebook.  They’re all, Hey Muse, are you dead?  What happened?  Did I make you quit Facebook?  Everyone takes things so personally.” 


“Is it liberating, not being on it?” 


“It is.  I don’t miss it.  Except …”

“What?  What do you miss?” 


She sighed.  “Well, every once in a while, Prince William would post on my wall.  That was nice.” 

“But, Muse, he’s married!” 


“This is before they were engaged.  Remember, he and Kate were broken up for a while?  Broken up, back together, on a break, blah blah.  He kept changing his status.  We hooked up a couple of times.” 

The thought of Muse almost becoming Princess Muse was too much to bear. 


“You?  William?” 


“Mmmmm.  Yes.  And polo is not his only skill set, if you know what I mean.”  Muse giggled, then stopped abruptly. 

“I gotta go, MOV.  It was great talking to you.” 


“Wait—where are you going?” 

“I have a lunch date with my lawyer in half an hour.  He’s going to try to get my job back for me.  And right after that, I have a meeting with a movie producer.  I’m going to pitch my story.” 


“Oh, Muse.  Good luck with that.” 

“I don’t need luck, MOV.  I am luck.” 



MOV

32 comments:

  1. My muse doesn't do anything nearly as interesting as hanging from chandeliers. *sigh ":)

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    1. I can loan you my Muse. Or my chandelier. Whichever.

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  2. I enjoy reading your blog. It breaks the monotony of the day. I hope someone adds a chuckle to your day as you have to mine.

    http://debbieschatcorner.blogspot.com/

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    1. Thank you, Debbie! So sweet of you to say. :)

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  3. Hilarious. I'd like to swing from a chandelier, but I'm afraid I'd pull the whole thing down with only the fat from my ass.

    Love,
    Lola

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  4. Awesome! Hilarious post (as usual!). Can't wait to see what happens next!

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    1. Thanks, Dana! I have some ideas in mind. Stay tuned......

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  5. Hey, maybe Muse will have to pay you millions of dollars for the rights to use you in her movie! You are one of her closest friends and best clients, after all.

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  6. Princess Muse! I love it. Although, she'd have to stop the chandelier move. I'm always amazed how you come up with all Muse's crazy stuff.

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    1. Gina, wish I could take credit, but Muse comes up with her own stuff.

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  7. THIS WAS PERFECT I NEEDED SOME GOOD READING YOU GIRL ARE A GREAT MEDICINE...:}

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    1. Thank you! Read my archives if you have time! :)

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  8. I love Muse, but I love you more.

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    1. Oh, Mike, right back at ya. ;)

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  9. This scares me because it's real life

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    1. It scares me because now the electrician has to come back and fix my ceiling again.

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  10. This story just gets better and better! Maybe you should write a TV script? Hmmm...Muse on TV.

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    1. hmmmmmm. I should have Muse get me an agent?

      (I did write a movie script in Hollywood once a million years ago, never got made *sigh* although I did intern for a well-known producer.....)

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  11. This is so funny! I think you need a Muse summary page though. Some of us came late to the party!

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    1. Oh, I think you are right. I need to send out a techie alert so someone can help me figure out how to do that at the top of the page.

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  12. Oh Muse, I'm interested to see what she get's herself into next...I'm sure her story is full of scandal.

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    1. She is surrounded by scandal, eh?

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  13. You and your muse are hysterical. Really, she is quite brilliant. Facebook is a time suck.

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    1. thank you, Cheryl! Wait til you see her next move. The story is bubbling in my brain.

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  14. I was just thinking the time thing the other day. Sometimes I feel like a really tired hamster. Facebook, Twitter, blog, Facebook, Twitter, blog,...FB...

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  15. Wow! Your muse has so many adventures. My muse is a rock.

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    Replies
    1. My Muse does love her some adventure, eh?

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When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)