“Muse, get
off the fireplace please,” I said with absolutely no inflection in my voice
whatsoever. “The Husband is still cleaning
your shoe marks off the mantle from last time.”
“MOV, I have
news.” She said news like one might
say skin cancer, which, given her penchant for sunny locales and 32-ounce baby oil, would not really
surprise me.
“Do you have
skin cancer, Muse? If you caught it
early, it’s totally treatable—”
“No. Worse.”
Long
dramatic pause, so typical for Muse.
“MOV, they’re
not making my movie.”
I had known
Muse my entire life. She was nothing if
not inspirational. If she wanted to be
in a movie, or write a movie, or have anything to do with a movie, it would be
a smashing success. Any producer would
be crazy to not make her movie.
“So the
producer I met with is crazy,” she began.
“He told me they already did a Muse movie a few years back with Sharon Stone
and Andie MacDowell.” Muse made a face
like she just stepped in dog poop. Dog
poop from a Great Dane. A Great Dane on steroids.
“Oh, Muse, I’m
sorry. I know your movie would’ve been much
better.”
“Are you
still talking about that?” asked Muse, distracted. “I’m over it.
I have new adventures to plan.”
Muse gave
new meaning to the term ADD. “Good for
you, Muse! Like what?”
“Well, I
popped in on Oakley the other day, and—”
“My
sister? My sister Oakley? Why were you at her house?”
“I was
trying to tell you, quit interrupting.” (I
did not like this side of her: bossy. Unfortunately,
it pretty much was her only side.) “Like
I was saying, Oakley and I are going to bike across country together.”
I found this
difficult to imagine: Muse being
athletic. Once, Muse and I went shopping
together for running shoes.
Needless to
say, she has not competed in any marathons lately.
“Muse, are
you sure this is a good idea?” “MOV! Your sister is a pro bicyclist. It’s what she does. What could possibly go wrong?”
(to be
continued …)
MOV
That's a hilarious picture. Getting ready to run in high heels. Wow.
ReplyDeleteI know! When I saw the pic, I knew I had to use it in a story somehow! :)
DeleteI can hardly wait...I will be investing in running heels if those glutes that Muse has, are a result of running in heels. Who knew?? I seemingly have wasted a lot of time doing lunges and squats.
ReplyDeleteWe will send some high-heeled running shoes right over to you, Cheryl. What size are you?
DeleteI run in high heels, or I don't run at all. So I don't run at all.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janie
ha! are you my twin?
DeleteI can't wait to read what goes wrong! ;)
ReplyDeleteAll of your pictures paint Muse to be a very, very attractive lady.
ReplyDeleteI know. That Muse does not take a bad picture.
Delete"What could possibly go wrong" should be a catch phrase for Muse. Love your blog.
ReplyDeleteHa! I love it!
DeleteAnd thank you for your nice compliment.
Oooh, expanding to the family now. Fascinating! That Muse is such a character. Love these stories!
ReplyDeleteBy the way, someone should mention that she might want to wear a slightly different garment for long-distance bicycle riding.
Oh, she will, I promise........
DeleteIf she plans on riding the bike in that outfit, you're gonna need a crowbar, a 2x4 and 3 people to get that wedgie out.
ReplyDeleteHa! so true.
DeleteHa! Well in fairness, that Sharon Stone movie was really bad.
ReplyDeleteGood point. I agree, that movie was a waste of $7.
DeleteI love that muse. She's stylish. She's good looking. She's saucy. And a little bit crazy. NO wonder you write so well, MOV! ":)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Raymond!
DeleteOakley says, "Ruht, roh!"
ReplyDeleteLock your doors now, Oakley!
DeleteThought Muse might like a pair or two of these. You know... for hiking.
ReplyDeletehttp://just-mum.blogspot.ca/2010/12/words-cannot-describe.html
Oh, thank you for the link to those hilarious "hiking" shoes you posted about! ha! I might have to buy a pair or two for me..........
DeleteI don't like for things "to be continued." Sigh...you and Youngman are killing me.
ReplyDeletebut you promise to come back, right?
DeleteI was thinking about backpacking through America. Maybe I can catch up to her. Unless, she doesn't live in America, in which case, maybe not. I am not a good swimmer.
ReplyDeleteShe does live in America. Maybe you can wear the special shoes that Skwishee (above in comments) recommends?
DeleteSee if you can talk them into riding north instead of west!
ReplyDeleteMuse is not good with directions. I think they went south.
Delete