At least that’s what he told me on that special day a dozen years ago when he signed the marriage certificate: “Honey, I’m a brain surgeon.”
Maybe those were not the precise words he uttered, maybe he actually said, “Money? I’m not a brain surgeon.” My worst fears were confirmed yesterday evening at approximately 5:02 PM.
The Husband waltzed in the door a few minutes before five. I casually asked him if he could dump out the giant bucket that has been under our kitchen sink since the drain broke three days ago and the plumber cannot come until Friday. The bucket is very large, very full, and very heavy.
The Husband, being strong, kind, and accommodating, said, “Sure, Sweetie, no problem.” Then, while still wearing his nice work clothes and tie, he proceeded to take the bucket and dump it right back in the exact sink that was having the leaking problem. The sink with no bucket (currently) under it to catch the excess water.
In his defense, not all the water came splashing down on the area directly under the sink. No. Some of it came splashing down on the extra dishtowels stored nearby and some even managed to drench our back-up supply of paper bags. The floor itself was a major victim of the pouring incident, and The Husband’s dress shoes may or may not have been negatively impacted by the deluge.
The Husband learned years ago after our toddler son Tall started going around saying SHIT SHIT SHIT to not swear in front of our children anymore. The Husband knew, in the back of his brain surgeon mind, that swearing was called for in this case, but Rated-G swearing, not HBO-type swearing.
“GOD BLESS AMERICA!” he bellowed as the flood began while our kids blissfully watched cartoons in the next room, far-fetched cartoons about hapless coyotes accidentally jumping off of cliffs or electrocuting themselves, “WHAT THE HEAVENS IS GOING ON???”
I stood there and laughed. What else could I do? I finally handed him a few damp dishtowels, then said helpfully,
“Oh, Sweetheart. I can’t believe you made the same mistake two days in a row.”