At least that’s what he told me on that special day a dozen years ago when he signed the marriage certificate: “Honey, I’m a brain surgeon.”
Maybe those were not the precise words he uttered, maybe he actually said, “Money? I’m not a brain surgeon.” My worst fears were confirmed yesterday evening at approximately 5:02 PM.
The Husband waltzed in the door a few minutes before five. I casually asked him if he could dump out the giant bucket that has been under our kitchen sink since the drain broke three days ago and the plumber cannot come until Friday. The bucket is very large, very full, and very heavy.
The Husband, being strong, kind, and accommodating, said, “Sure, Sweetie, no problem.” Then, while still wearing his nice work clothes and tie, he proceeded to take the bucket and dump it right back in the exact sink that was having the leaking problem. The sink with no bucket (currently) under it to catch the excess water.
In his defense, not all the water came splashing down on the area directly under the sink. No. Some of it came splashing down on the extra dishtowels stored nearby and some even managed to drench our back-up supply of paper bags. The floor itself was a major victim of the pouring incident, and The Husband’s dress shoes may or may not have been negatively impacted by the deluge.
The Husband learned years ago after our toddler son Tall started going around saying SHIT SHIT SHIT to not swear in front of our children anymore. The Husband knew, in the back of his brain surgeon mind, that swearing was called for in this case, but Rated-G swearing, not HBO-type swearing.
“GOD BLESS AMERICA!” he bellowed as the flood began while our kids blissfully watched cartoons in the next room, far-fetched cartoons about hapless coyotes accidentally jumping off of cliffs or electrocuting themselves, “WHAT THE HEAVENS IS GOING ON???”
I stood there and laughed. What else could I do? I finally handed him a few damp dishtowels, then said helpfully,
“Oh, Sweetheart. I can’t believe you made the same mistake two days in a row.”
MOV
Oh. My. I love this. I'm going to make my husband read this one. He needs to know that I'm not the only one who laughs when her husband does something ... not quite smart. Did I already say I loved this? Because I LOVED this.
ReplyDelete(Apparently, I yelled out "BARBARA STREISAND!" and "YOUR SHIRT IS SO UGLY!" when I was in the throes of hard labour. I started out G-rated.)
Oh, Skwishee -- you crack me up! BARBARA STREISAND! Awesomely hilarious!
Deletethanks, skwishee! and barbara streisand is a new one for me.......
DeleteOh my husband is going to be so happy to hear that he is in good company in the world where wives blog about their husbands' helpful escapades! Surfs up!
ReplyDeleteBut whose ears were you protecting in labor anyways?
surfs up, love that!
Delete"God Bless America" is one of my favorite "swear" sayings, too! That and "flippity, flippin', flip"! Or possibly "Dagnabbit" or "poopenanny." Ok, you get the idea. I have to tell you, I audibly said, "OH NO!" when I read this. That is so dang hilarious! Sorry about the plumbing issue, though. Been there.
ReplyDeleteplumbing is all fixed now (by a professional), thank goodness!
DeleteThat was good. :-)
ReplyDeleteMy dad STILL uses both the words "fudge" and "sugar" around us "kids". :-)
Pearl
ha! thanks for reading this and commenting, Pearl. Welcome to my blog. :)
Deletelol...nothing like hearing your wife say when in another room, "ah sh..., afterwhich she calls out my name and no this isn't Irish foreplay. This is an instant notification that she screwed something up really,really bad and needs me now to fix it. Two days ago, I finally sat down with some tea to watch some mind numbing TV show and I hear her call. I see her on the kitchen chair, trying to remove a bulb from the ceiling fan. The bulb is like hanging from a thread....I'm like WTFFFFFF, don't touch it! Her response..why?
ReplyDeleteyikes!
DeleteI actually literally laughed out loud twice at this post. Funny. Especially "Money? I'm not a brain surgeon" Bahaha!
ReplyDeletethank you!
DeleteSo funny but hey - not a brain surgeon? Where was he going every day for the last dozen years?
ReplyDeleteWe swear like f*****g mad at home - but it's usually with a smile and a giggle.I didn't until I married him and we moved where no one can hear us. Our kids swear like f*****g mad at home but never around others. Someone once told me that if you yell 'Jesus Christ!' when you need him that it isn't swearing as long as you say 'Halleluiah!' quickly afterwards.
maybe I owe a few extra halleluiahs, in that case.........
DeleteI love this! I absolutely burst out laughing...actually just giggled again! GREAT story! Also love the shit, shit,shit. They can't help it!
ReplyDeletethanks, Gee! and thanks for reading my blog. Hope you have time to peruse some of the archives........
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