MOVarazzi

Friday, October 28, 2011

556. The Queen of Punctuality

If you hate people that are always on time, or worse, early, then you can stop reading right now. I am that person.

I didn’t used to be that way. I used to be an on-time-ish person, or a five-minutes-late-ish person, or a who-the-hell-needs-a-watch-and-time-is-a-stupid-concept-anyway person. All that changed on September 21, 1996. United Airlines hired me to be a flight attendant.

In training, they fed us tiny bags of peanuts along with subliminal messages about being punctual (“This is how you fasten a seatbelt. This is how you evacuate a plane. This how you read a clock.”), and the not-so-subliminal messages (“If you are late three times you are FIRED!!!”).

I immediately went out and bought three alarm clocks.

Once clock is for sissies. Two clocks is just about right. But Hyper Virgo Girl needed three. Then she needed extra batteries.

As I would go through security, my suitcase would inevitably trigger all the “Code Red Danger” alarms with the guards (“Ma’am, I need you to open your suitcase, it looks like you might be building a bomb”). As you can imagine, this is not such a good thing for someone dressed up like a flight attendant going to work. So as not to upset the security guards in every airport across America, I started separating my clocks like chatty little second-graders that cannot sit next to one another in math class, one in my tote, one in my suitcase, one in my purse. Even my lipstick and credit cards were concerned with being on time.

I would check into my hotel room on my layover and start spreading my clocks around, like sacrifices on the altars for the Gods of Time. One clock would be right next to my bed. Another would be across the room, maybe on a dresser, so I would be forced to physically get up out of bed to turn it off. The third might be in the bathroom or perhaps next to the door depending on my mood. I was slightly paranoid that one of my lovely clocks would malfunction or that I might sleep through the alarm due to jet lag and time changes.

And that was another thing: time changes. I was constantly changing the time on all three clocks to local time. Daylight savings added another element of fun to the situation. Picture my elation when I discovered a special type of clock with an outer spin dial that changed the time zone for you.

I bought three.

In my decade flying, I never missed a flight. I have some fabulous memories of layovers in Hawaii, Australia, New York, France, and I also have a permanent case of punctuality. 

MOV

10 comments:

  1. Ha! I am always early, I try to be late and I just end up being on time. However I never need an alarm clock, I wake up at the same time everyday (5 a.m.) no matter what time I went to bed the night before. I have been this way my whole life which made me very popular at sleepovers.

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  2. I am a completely punctual person. Lateness makes me absolutely insane. I will leave my house a total wreck before I'll be late for anything. This trait does not mesh well with my friends who must have their house photo-shoot ready before walking out the door, no matter who is waiting for them.
    I was once scolded by my boss for showing up to work too early, even though I wasn't clocking in early; I was just trying to arrive in time to hang up my coat, turn my computer on, get my purse put away, visit the ladies room. You know, actually be
    READY TO WORK at start time. I was told to "please arrive on time....not early."

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  3. Always an early girl. Cannot stand people who are late, makes me insane.

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  4. I'm always early. It's like a curse because the whole world runs late except for me, MOV, and girl in The mountain Town.

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  5. When I moved to NY, I realized on my flight out there that I had forgotten to pack an alarm clock (I still had my condo in Chicago). So I bought one at the airport that automatically sets itself to whatever time zone you're in when you plug it in. One problem: it has the old daylight savings dates in it, so twice a year my husband is either an hour late or an hour early for work. He swears like a madman every time. Yet he still won't get a new clock. ???

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  6. I am in semi-retired-ment mode so sometimes I lose track of which day of the week it is. I am rarely off by more than one.

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  7. I LOVE to be early. LOVE IT! On time is so delightful as well. However, now that I have a husband and 2 boys we are NEVER early for anything and often not even on time. Ack! So annoying. I've had to adjust my tolerance level for such things greatly. It still annoys me but I'm less likely to blow a gasket now.

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  8. couse-- I am the same way, mad at myself for being late, mad at others for being late. I really try to give myself enough time, but when the boys were very small (1 and 3) it was darn near impossible.

    best,
    MOV

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  9. GMT, good to be on time to those mountain-type events (slopes open at 8 AM, right?).

    HW, I LOVE this, the part about your job. LOVE it!

    Nola, kindred spirits.

    Lee, maybe I should rename my blog to the Early-Or-We-Will-Talk-About-You-And-Your-Penchant-For-Lateness-Behind-Your-Back Club. (Nah--too short).

    Marianne, maybe your husband is frugal. Has someone rubbed off on him? (BTW, loved the taffy apple post, yum!).

    esbboston, so wish I had your problem (although I do remember as a child saying, "Is today Tuesday or Friday?" and my mother laughing).

    best,
    MOV

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