Monday, October 24, 2011

551. Project Someday

So I have been known to watch a reality show or five. Project Runway currently takes the top spot in my TiVo Queue of Urgency. It got me thinking about other potential ideas for new shows.

Project Nunway: A cross (get it?) between Project Runway and a Church salvation-type show. Instead of making new outfits, they would be making over lives.

Project Funway: Like the above, but about drug-addicts (before they hit rock bottom and quit drugs).

Project Gunnway: I know you think this is going to be about firearms and guns—wrong. This would be EXACTLY like Project Runway, but would give Heidi Klum a break and Tim Gunn would host instead.

Project Segway: A documentary about the inventing of the Segway, specifically focusing on how annoying they are to everyone else not on one, and how superior you feel if you are on one.

Project Sunday: A contest to see which moms can accomplish the most on the supposed one day “off” (this would of course be accompanied by husbands lounging around doing nothing but watch football).

Project Punway: This contest would pit comedians against one another in an attempt to see who is the funniest. Winner would get his own sitcom on ABC.

Project Running Away: A documentary about runaway teens, especially if they are well-dressed.

Project Oneway: A show about a mom who refuses to listen to her (constantly interrupting) children, and instead insists that they do what she says.

Project Sunway: A show about a mom (see above) who flees her life of folding laundry and driving carpool to go to Hawaii and selfishly start over, with nothing but an out-of-style black one-piece swimsuit, some cellulite, and an uncharged cell-phone in her possession. (I know someone who might be interested in starring.)

Project Faraway: A documentary about looking for one’s former self, specifically the size 8 version that one knew so well when one was 23, but one has somehow misplaced in a former elusive decade.

Project Highway: A documentary about building roads. This would be targeted to the demographic of three- and four-year-old boys.

Project Giveaway: A show where they give prizes to deserving blog writers who have never won anything. Prizes could include (but are not limited to) a trip to Hawaii, a gift card for Barnes & Noble, or a permanent live-in nanny.

Project Throwaway: The concept here is following a mom around when her kids are at school and watching how she miraculously makes certain annoying beeping toys, favorite Sponge Bob t-shirts, and three-minute “art” projects disappear into the trash, never to be seen again.

Project No Way: A comedy that stars a defiant seven-year-old who basically disagrees with everything his mom says, even when she is right, which is 99.99% of the time.

Project Halfway: A horror show about a home (possibly mine) that never gets cleaned all the way, but instead looks either messy or really messy, causing the owners to simply close the doors to every room so that people will not know the truth. The owners spend a lot of time sitting in the hall because, you know, it’s clean there.

Feel free to write to your favorite TV producer or friend who does marketing for Bravo. You’re welcome.

("Mother Of Variety")


  1. I think Project Halfway is already happening in my house. Does that mean I'm on TV right now? If so, how long have I been on TV? Is my husband really just an actor? My whole life has been a lie!

  2. Haley, did you ever see the movie "The Truman Show" starring Jim Carrey? exactly like that. (And tell your husband the viewers are really responding to his orange and white polka-dot boxer shorts. Rharrr!)


  3. I'm with you, Haley. I live in a Project Halfway house. No, wait. That didn't sound right. Halfway clean, definitely. (Or is it halfway dirty?) How about Project IReallyNeedAGetaway? Some lovely, caring soul could pay to send busy parents off on a fabulous trip to Tahiti? Hawaii? Italy? The mall?

  4. Project StayAway...A show following former high school football stars who, though in college, continue to return to every high school game, even dating high school girls so they can still go to all the dances. Once they get married and have children, their sports days are relived through their offspring with every facebook status and obnoxious behavior in the bleachers. They will still be walking around the same small town football field with the same small town swagger when they qualify for Medicare. This show will include harsh intervention in which the counselor gets in their faces and yells "MOVE ON ALREADY!!!"


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