MOVarazzi

Friday, May 31, 2013

968. War of the Elbows

I was scrunched in my middle seat, saying futile prayers to The Gods of Travel that nobody would sit in the aisle seat.   

The Window Person gets the window, they get all the power, right?  Shade up, shade down.  View, no view.  Blinding sunlight ruining the movie, or complete darkness combined with a burnt-out reading light when you have a brand-new book.  The Window People are a menace. 
And those damn Aisle People.  They jump up and go to the bathroom anytime.  Right after take-off, right before meal service, during the movie, whenever.  They have more power than the Window People.  They practically own the plane. 

This power goes to their heads.  They suddenly think they have rights to both armrests.  Theirs and mine.  Isn’t it enough that they have one armrest on the outside and that they can get up whenever they want?  And if the plane crashes, they are getting out to safety 15 seconds before me?  By laws of adverse possession, they claim the middle armrest.      
The Middle Loser (me) is clearly not a planner.  By the time the Middle Loser got around to buying a ticket, all the good seats were taken.  The Middle Loser deserves to sit folded over like a broken umbrella for five hours. 

I stage a coup.  When Aisle Person gets up to stretch, I pounce.  I adhere my elbow to the armrest like a very strong magnet.   
Now I notice Aisle Person is holding two full glasses of white wine.  He must be an alcoholic.  Drinking while flying, stretching his legs, hogging up armrests.  How did this freak get through security?  He has absolutely no consideration for—

“Excuse me, miss?  I brought you some wine.” 
He hands me a glass. 

“For … me?”
He nods.  “Middle seats suck.  You deserve a free glass of wine.” 

I smile and thank him.  I accidentally lift my elbow for a second when I take a sip.    
Just long enough for him to regain access of the armrest. 

MOV
*****


trifecta writing challenge/ I shortened and edited a piece I wrote a few days ago/ exactly 333 words/ required word is "freak"

30 comments:

  1. You just plain ole make me laugh. I can't believe the guy bought you a glass of wine. My poor husband hasn't even figured out how to do that without instruction yet...

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  2. Fab post, made me laugh out loud :)
    Suzanne @ Suzannes Tribe

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  3. I am an aisle person and I have never touched the sad middle person armrest. I flew next to Heidi once, braids-dirndl-whole nine yards on an very healthy 25 year old and she was glued to that armrest as if this were Olympic competition.

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  4. Fun post. Felt guilty? I probably would.

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  5. Oh, man -- isn't it so wonderful, in times like these, that the other person can't hear what we've been thinking!? At least then the shame is a private, interior burning sensation. :P

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  6. Hilarious commentary, as always! I hope the wine loosened up both your elbows:O

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  7. Hahaha!! You nailed the middle seat. I wish I had such a nice seat mate on my last flight.

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  8. Oh my goodness! I love this! If only all seat-sharers were as considerate. ;-)

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  9. Even though I have to pee all the time (WTMI, but whatever) I have to have a seat where I can see out the window, or my claustrophobia gets the better of me. It ain't pretty!

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  10. Hilarious. What a lovely commentary on judging books by their covers.

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  11. lol. I guess I'm lucky I rarely ever, ever, have a chance to get on a plane.

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  12. Yet again alcohol makes someone do inexplicable things. A well told cautionary tale.

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  13. Middle seat does suck. I got a good laugh. Thanks.

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  14. Too funny and so on the nose!! You've written of the Middle seat angst to perfection. :))

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  15. OMG, this is my life. Except nobody has ever bought me a wine. I always travel with my kids, so I take the loser seat and give them the good ones. They're little enough to squeeze by without incident. There is NOTHING worse than having to ask the person next to you 10,000 times if you can scoot past. Ugh.

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  16. Well he was nice, but still a little bit of a jerk for stealing the armrest haha :D Such great humor in this one!

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  17. I will admit , i have been on the loser seat many times , was grinning reading this .Nice :)

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  18. Hilarious! At least he bought you wine (even if it may have been just to get your elbow off the arm rest for a moment :))

    My worst flight was in the middle seat- my husband on the aisle...and the window person was ill. She used her air sick bag and asked for mine. Oh, I let hubby know that he owed me big time!

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  19. Ha! You can't let up on that armrest for even a second!

    I have spent a lot of long flights in the middle seat. It is never fun.

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  20. I'm just about to fly a long fight... I shiver when I read this :-) but brilliantly funny...

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  21. All my years of flying no one ever bought me a glass of wine. But then... I was usually the aisle person. I'm a power tripper that way. LOL

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  22. This is hilarious! :D And so true; I know - I'm always the Middle Loser!!

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  23. I always try to get the aisle seat ... not because I have to pee often or that I want to get off the plane fast (cuz hubby won't let me). I just like to stretch my feet out once in a while.

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  24. *HAHAHAHA* This is FANTASTIC! Like roll in the aisle funny, assuming Aisle Person lets me out...

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  25. I loved every bit of this, most especially the wine.

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  26. That was so fun-ny. I annoy sometimes by trying to make friends when I'm stuck in the middle. :) The last time it happened, I was rewarded with a very magical moment, though. Thanks for bringing me laughter today and a great memory. Here it is, if you're at all interested: http://humantriumphant.wordpress.com/2012/09/25/happy-out-of-ohare/

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  27. Ha, Ha, funny! middle seat does suck! great perspective

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  28. funny! great perspective from the middle.

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  29. Again, thanks to all who wrote! You made my day. :)

    xxo
    MOV

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