The Window
Person gets the window, they get all the power, right? Shade up, shade down. View, no view. Blinding sunlight ruining the movie, or
complete darkness combined with a burnt-out reading light when you have a
brand-new book. The Window People are a menace.
And those
damn Aisle People. They jump up and go
to the bathroom anytime. Right after
take-off, right before meal service, during the movie, whenever. They have more power than the Window
People. They practically own the
plane.
This power
goes to their heads. They suddenly think
they have rights to both armrests. Theirs and mine. Isn’t it enough that they have one armrest on
the outside and that they can get up whenever they want? And if the plane crashes, they are getting
out to safety 15 seconds before me? By laws
of adverse possession, they claim the middle armrest.
The Middle
Loser (me) is clearly not a planner. By
the time the Middle Loser got around to buying a ticket, all the good seats
were taken. The Middle Loser deserves to
sit folded over like a broken umbrella for five hours.
I stage a
coup. When Aisle Person gets up to stretch,
I pounce. I adhere my elbow to the
armrest like a very strong magnet.
Now I notice
Aisle Person is holding two full glasses of white wine. He must be an alcoholic. Drinking while flying, stretching his legs,
hogging up armrests. How did this freak get through security? He has absolutely no consideration for—
“Excuse me,
miss? I brought you some wine.”
He hands me a
glass.
“For … me?”
He
nods. “Middle seats suck. You deserve a free glass of wine.”
I smile and thank
him. I accidentally lift my elbow for a
second when I take a sip.
Just long
enough for him to regain access of the armrest.
MOV
*****
trifecta writing challenge/ I shortened and edited a piece I wrote a few days ago/ exactly 333 words/ required word is "freak"
You just plain ole make me laugh. I can't believe the guy bought you a glass of wine. My poor husband hasn't even figured out how to do that without instruction yet...
ReplyDeleteFab post, made me laugh out loud :)
ReplyDeleteSuzanne @ Suzannes Tribe
I am an aisle person and I have never touched the sad middle person armrest. I flew next to Heidi once, braids-dirndl-whole nine yards on an very healthy 25 year old and she was glued to that armrest as if this were Olympic competition.
ReplyDeleteFun post. Felt guilty? I probably would.
ReplyDeleteOh, man -- isn't it so wonderful, in times like these, that the other person can't hear what we've been thinking!? At least then the shame is a private, interior burning sensation. :P
ReplyDeleteHilarious commentary, as always! I hope the wine loosened up both your elbows:O
ReplyDeleteHahaha!! You nailed the middle seat. I wish I had such a nice seat mate on my last flight.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness! I love this! If only all seat-sharers were as considerate. ;-)
ReplyDeleteEven though I have to pee all the time (WTMI, but whatever) I have to have a seat where I can see out the window, or my claustrophobia gets the better of me. It ain't pretty!
ReplyDeleteHilarious. What a lovely commentary on judging books by their covers.
ReplyDeletelol. I guess I'm lucky I rarely ever, ever, have a chance to get on a plane.
ReplyDeleteYet again alcohol makes someone do inexplicable things. A well told cautionary tale.
ReplyDeleteMiddle seat does suck. I got a good laugh. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteneat little piece :-)
ReplyDeleteOMG, this is my life. Except nobody has ever bought me a wine. I always travel with my kids, so I take the loser seat and give them the good ones. They're little enough to squeeze by without incident. There is NOTHING worse than having to ask the person next to you 10,000 times if you can scoot past. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteWell he was nice, but still a little bit of a jerk for stealing the armrest haha :D Such great humor in this one!
ReplyDeleteI will admit , i have been on the loser seat many times , was grinning reading this .Nice :)
ReplyDeleteHilarious! At least he bought you wine (even if it may have been just to get your elbow off the arm rest for a moment :))
ReplyDeleteMy worst flight was in the middle seat- my husband on the aisle...and the window person was ill. She used her air sick bag and asked for mine. Oh, I let hubby know that he owed me big time!
Ha! You can't let up on that armrest for even a second!
ReplyDeleteI have spent a lot of long flights in the middle seat. It is never fun.
I'm just about to fly a long fight... I shiver when I read this :-) but brilliantly funny...
ReplyDeleteAll my years of flying no one ever bought me a glass of wine. But then... I was usually the aisle person. I'm a power tripper that way. LOL
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious! :D And so true; I know - I'm always the Middle Loser!!
ReplyDeleteI always try to get the aisle seat ... not because I have to pee often or that I want to get off the plane fast (cuz hubby won't let me). I just like to stretch my feet out once in a while.
ReplyDelete*HAHAHAHA* This is FANTASTIC! Like roll in the aisle funny, assuming Aisle Person lets me out...
ReplyDeleteI loved every bit of this, most especially the wine.
ReplyDeleteThat was so fun-ny. I annoy sometimes by trying to make friends when I'm stuck in the middle. :) The last time it happened, I was rewarded with a very magical moment, though. Thanks for bringing me laughter today and a great memory. Here it is, if you're at all interested: http://humantriumphant.wordpress.com/2012/09/25/happy-out-of-ohare/
ReplyDeleteHa, Ha, funny! middle seat does suck! great perspective
ReplyDeletefunny! great perspective from the middle.
ReplyDeleteAgain, thanks to all who wrote! You made my day. :)
ReplyDeletexxo
MOV