MOVarazzi

Friday, May 10, 2013

958. My Kids Are Bionic

I never wore glasses.  I can usually hear when a bus is driving up behind me.  I am able to outrun elderly people any day of the week.

Sure, I consider myself gifted.      
But my children?  They’re bionic. 

PROOF:  They tell me when my cell phone rings.  We are in the living room.  I left the phone in the car.   
PROOF:  I go to get a step-stool to retrieve something on top of the refrigerator.  When I return, they have already scaled the refrigerator.  Like Spiderman. 

PROOF:  I sniff the milk to see if it has gone bad.  Short yells out, “Throw it away, Mommy!”  He is upstairs. 
PROOF:  I glance at a timeshare thing that just came in the mail.  My 3rd-grader, Tall, snatches it out of my hands and declares, “You don’t want to do this, Mom.  The fine print says 50K down and then an APR of 21%.  That’s highway robbery.”  Fine print?  Where?  That black squiggly design at the bottom of the postcard, is that what he’s referring to? 

It is humbling to be outdone by your peers, but more so your own children.
I used to watch Lindsay Wagner as the Bionic Woman, with various limbs made out of wires, and artificial eyeballs inserted into her head—eyeballs that could see 500 feet away.  I would watch the 6 Million Dollar Man and scoff at the audacity of those producers to give us such unrealistic garbage to watch.  He can run a mile in 2 minutes?  Yeah, right.

But now I know it was not fiction after all.  Someone in Hollywood was just writing about their kids. 
MOV

18 comments:

  1. wow he's amazing! it's like magic
    nice post
    check out my blog?
    jessillesilv.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My kids are magic. And now I think they are vampires (sucking the energy right out of me.....).

      Delete
  2. Lol. I used to say my mom had bionic hearing when I was a little kid.

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  3. Yes. So true. In fact, last night the youngest was doing some sort of contortion on a table and I was completely amazed. He balanced his belly on the edge of the table then grabbed his feet from behind and looked like he was in some sort of ball. Hard to explain and even harder to accomplish.

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    Replies
    1. Clearly, he is bionic too. Ask him to get a job on a tv show and then he can send u the checks, or at least pay for his own college.

      Delete
  4. Love it. My daughter is bionic too. She knows everything and has a wit and smile that would make you fall down laughing and melt your heart. I prejudice too though. :)

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    Replies
    1. How are kids so smart? And how am I so dumb?

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  5. Kids are better than adults. It's just time we accept that.

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  6. You should see my grandchildren. I think each generation is getting stronger. Even my bionic daughter has trouble keeping up with the superbionic grandchildren.

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    Replies
    1. You just coined a new word: superbionic.

      Delete
  7. Sounds like a new tv show, Bionic Children.

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    Replies
    1. I would watch it. With my glasses on.

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  8. It's why I don't have kids. I don't want to lose my Bionic abilities.

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  9. What's the opposite of bionics? Because that's what I have.

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    Replies
    1. Pro-bionic? Wait-- isn't that a food supplement?

      Delete

When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)