MOVarazzi

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

969. What My Days Look Like

She maneuvered a sharp metal object mere millimeters from my eyes.  I tried desperately not to flinch while silently begging Please don’t stab me.  I would have begged out loud, but she had both her hands in my mouth. 

Now she was rambling on about her son playing lacrosse.  “He’s really good,” she said, “he might qualify for a scholarship.” 
She scraped the edge of my tooth and I tried to move my tongue out of the way.   
“Do your sons play sports?” she inquired. 

Why do they always do this?  How am I supposed to answer with the little round mirror jammed inside my cheek and that silver gougey-thing bobbing about?   
“Uhhr-hrr,” I grunted. 

“They do?  That’s great.  Which sport?” 
I closed my eyes tight and pretended that I was a narcoleptic.  It’s not that I didn’t want to say “regional soccer,” it’s just that I would most likely swallow the suction tube if I attempted to answer.  Also, she kept spinning that steel pick around like she was in a dental baton twirling competition. 

Just then, Dr. Beyond Gorgeous walked in the room.  He is so dreamy.  Think George Clooney’s unknown and much better-looking younger brother.  Mmmmmmmmm. 
“How are you, MOV?” 

He grinned wide, like an ad for toothpaste.  His teeth glistened like the light of 32 flawless diamonds on a snowy peak at high noon.  I was temporarily blinded.  He waited for Kathy to finish, and then he started examining my mouth. 
“Okay, then, try to lay off the sugar.  I notice a few areas that could develop into cavities if we’re not careful.” 

I liked how he said “We,” like we were a team.  Team Anti-Decay.  Kathy winked at me, as if to say, And you will make my job a lot easier too if I don’t have to scrape so much. 
I made a quick stop on the way home.  As I purchased my treat, I thought, Well, at least Kathy gets to keep her job this way. 


 
MOV
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trifecta writing challenge:  333 words, key word is "light"; I wrote this piece a few days ago and have made minor modifications to fit the challenge

25 comments:

  1. Brilliant post! Very well written and so much fun to read. I can relate to the suction and open mouth thing, as I had to go to the dentist today too, but I was not smart enough to reward myself afterwards...That doughnut sure does look good.

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  2. Why, oh why must they talk to us when we cannot coherently answer?!?!

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  3. I've got a wedding next weekend! You can't be showin' me no stinkin' awesome donut!!

    Meh.

    I'll wear a tent.

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  4. Exactly! Keep the economy going by buying donuts (supporting a business) and keeping the dental hygienist busy (providing a job). Way to go, MOV!

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  5. I couldn't read your first sentence without thinking of the scene in "Marathon Man" when Lawrence Olivier is asking Dustin Hoffman "Is it safe?" I thought you were going to turn it into some torture/horror film.

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  6. Haha! Perfect reward after the dentist ;)

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  7. I have the humming dentist, during longer procedures he AND the assistant start singing along at the chorus. Lucky I don't bite him when he fucks up the words.

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  8. oh my ..that laugh when you can't breathe.
    great!

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  9. Ha! I feel the same. You can pull the sugar from my cold, dead, cavity-ridden mouth.

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  10. I always figure the best time to eat sugar is right after going to the dentist. My teeth are practically begging for it! This piece made me laugh, smile and relate completely-thank you!

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  11. Love. My sister is a dental hygienist, so she cleans my teeth ... fortunately, it's impossible to ever get her to shut up, so I don't have to worry about doing any talking.

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  12. It is better if they talk to get my mind off what is happening. The funny thing is I have known my hygienist since she was a baby so I am completely comfortable talking with her.

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  13. I love your stories. And coincidentally I had my teeth cleaned today.

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  14. I think my dentist should pay me the going rate of a shrink.
    Funny post, MOV!

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  15. So funny! I laughed out loud. However, I don't think there is anyone on earth who's better looking than George. That part seemed unrealistic. (Ha!)

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  16. Still laughing! Regional Soccer! Team Anti-Decay! This was really well written, and I think it is much more difficult to write humour than it is to write drama.
    Well done!

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  17. This was funny! Why DO they always chat. it's a little sadistic.

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  18. The "we" bit was a great insight! great piece =)

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  19. Thanks to all who wrote comments, and thanks to all who voted for me! I came in 2nd place (tie) for this week's trifecta writing competition. YAY!!!!

    xxo
    MOV

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  20. Ha! My dentist looks more like someone's mom (which I really like in a dentist--very comforting), but she's smart enough not to tell me what to eat. She just tells me to improve my brushing and flossing, and use the little rubber gizmo back where I can't reach, and. . .

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  21. That was such a pleasant piece. Loved it and love ur dry wit.
    Congrats on ur win .
    From another mother of brothers.

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  22. enjoyed reading ..
    I like how you wrote ..about what you wrote....
    I didn't shudder thinking of the dentist at all !!

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  23. Your stories always make me laugh, thanks for today's chuckle.

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When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)