My house is too dirty to be cleaned.It was a thought that was simultaneously horrifying and liberating.
The bathroom was an embarrassment. Layers of grime coated all surfaces, much like the bathroom in a trendy nightclub, or abandoned gas station. I wondered if I could get someone else to clean the bathroom instead of me, someone like The Husband, or the six-year-old, or perhaps the cat.Speaking of cat, her litter box was ready to revolt as well.
I shook my head and walked out, without even bothering to brush my teeth (which is why I had gone in the bathroom in the first place). Looks like I was going to have my own Death Breath Super Power today.I walked into the kitchen, which was no better. The tile floor, for example, looked like it might not have been cleaned this week, or ever. The stove was covered in so many grease marks that I started to wonder if The Husband had secretly replaced our white stove with a Dalmatian model. At least the sink was clean, I hoped, but I could not really tell for sure since the teetering stack of dirty dishes was blocking my view.
The living room appeared as it had been hit by an angry tornado of school papers. There were PTA fliers, old homework, field trip permission forms, and basketball sign-up sheets (from two seasons ago). These cozied up to newspaper articles that The Husband “might want to reread, so don’t throw those away,” random Lego pieces, and old candy wrappers that Short was “definitely going to use for something, I’m not sure what, but I need to keep them.”I did what I always did when confronted with a great amount of work: complained to The Husband about it.
After listening to my diatribe, he nodded and said, “Why don’t you just call a cleaning lady? We have had one a few times before. We can afford it.”It was not a matter of money, did he not see that? I shook my head sadly and said,
“I can’t hire a cleaning lady. Our house is too dirty. I would be embarrassed.”“MOV, come on! I’m sure she has seen a lot worse than our house. Just make the call.”
In the end, my pride got the better of me, and I cleaned the house myself. I used the money I saved to invest in some extra equipment that will help me the next time such a crisis arises: wine.MOV