Monday, March 11, 2013

915. The Day I Moved Into Target (Part II)

Please read Part I if you have not done so already.  Part II will make more sense then. 

“Do you need me to call Security?” offered Richard protectively.  “Is this man bothering you?” 

This man was my husband, and he was bothering me by following me to Target when I was trying to escape him and the kids. 
“Richard, it’s okay,” I replied.  “I know him.”   

Richard hovered around anyway, eavesdropping and pretending to dust something.  Instead of being annoyed, I was oddly comforted.     
“MOV, I can see why you like this place,” said The Husband.  “It’s much cleaner than our house.” 

How could I be insulted when that is exactly why I liked Target, too? 
“Sweetie, whaddya say you take the boys to look at the Lego displays, and then I will meet you back home in a few weeks?” 

“Weeks?!  Did you say weeks, MOV?” 
He knew I wasn’t kidding around.  Target was my happy place, the place that made my heart rhythm smooth out somewhere between stroke victim and coma.  I normally wanted to come here for a few hours, but I could hardly see the harm a slight upgrade in time might cause.  In fact, after I returned home from some serious “Me” time, I might be able to tolerate my family for up to a whole year.

“Mom, we miss you!  No one is at home to boss us around when you’re not there,” said Short. 
Tall, always thinking, whispered to his brother, “Maybe that is a good thing?”

They looked at each other, then were overcome by a cascade of giggles, building on each other like bubbles, expanding and popping. 
“We’re free!  We’re free!” cried the older one. 

“We’re trees!  We’re trees!” copied the younger one, making me realize I really need to get his hearing checked.
A small crowd of Target employees was gathering to see what the commotion was near the furniture aisle.  You’d think they had never had any customers move in before. 

“You are all ruining this for me,” I hissed through clenched teeth, “go home and I will come back eventually!” 
The Husband leaned into to give me a quick kiss, but I turned away.  Then he reached into his pocket and pulled out what I thought might be a love note. 

It wasn’t.  It was something better. 
“Here, MOV,” he said as he handed me a coupon for $2 off agen Daz ice-cream.  “You might need this.” 

And just like that, I fell back in love with him. 


  1. I see the appeal of having everything you need plus having people with red shirts go around picking up after you...still it's been done at the Walmart for years and they end up getting movies made about it. Natalie Portman's Novalee character even had her baby there. Are you planning adding to your family at the Target? It may get you a movie deal.

  2. Before you get your movie deal, someone has to write a great, funny book about you living in Target. Novalee is a character in "Where The Heart Is."


    1. not sure if there is too much plot potential there. "MOV moves into Target and...... relaxes. Next she......... shops". Yawn. Only my true core audience would wanna see it (not even sure if I would wanna see it).


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