Wednesday, February 12, 2014

984. Floppy Beach Hat

I bought a floppy beach hat today.  It is 22 degrees out.
My purchase is partially wishful thinking that the weather will tropicate overnight. 
But even if it did—what then?  I am not a floppy beach hat girl.  I wish I was.  I so want to be her.  I imagine myself languorously drifting into the local market, embellished with the floppy beach hat. 
People I don’t know would whisper about me behind my back:  “She is wearing a floppy beach hat.  Therefore, her life must be perfect in that casual not-trying-too-hard kind of way.” 
I want people to think I am not trying too hard. 
But I am actually trying really hard. 
I own a black coat with a fake fur collar.  For floppy beach hat girl.  I also have a pair of 5-inch stilettos acquired on trip to New Zealand two decades ago. 
I have worn the shoes exactly once.    
Floppy beach hat girl would wear those shoes to go see the dentist. 
You know she would. 
Floppy beach hat girl is fearless.  She wears what she wants, when she wants.  She doesn’t agonize before leaving the house if she is dressed appropriately and then ultimately put on jeans and a Target t-shirt (again) just so she can look like a suburban soccer mom.  No.  Floppy beach hat girl will wear bracelets made of rubber bands (bestowed upon her by her 7-year-old) with an evening gown to go to her husband’s work party.  She dresses for herself, not caring what others think one way or another. 
I take a cue from floppy beach hat girl.  I put on black corduroy pants, a pink sweater, and a crazy wood necklace shaped like arrows that I bought at a second-hand store in LA.  I lace up chunky leather boots.  I look in the mirror and smile. 
As we are about to leave, my snarky 4th grader groans, “You’re not wearing that, are you, Mom?” 
I zip back to my closet and change.  Jeans and a sweatshirt.  No necklace.       
Floppy beach hat girl will have to wait another day. 


  1. Most 4th grade boys do have impeccable taste when it comes to accessorizing...hee hee hee...Having a 13 year old girl, I am afraid to leave the house at all!

  2. In my mind, you're always Floppy Beach Hat Girl, MOV, fourth graders be darned with the Curse of Inconvenient Things for even suggesting otherwise!

  3. Floppy Beach Hat Girl would have smiled, thanked the urchin for the reminder and put on the hat.

    Nola Rice

  4. No picture of floppy beach hat? Just as well you put it away. In my experience, preparing for good weather just curses you to suffer bad weather for another couple of months. This is why I never wear sunglasses. That and the fact I usually sit on and break them before they make it to my face.

  5. I don't know why but the first thing that came to my mind after reading this was:

    Do not taunt floppy beach hat girl.

  6. My sister wore a ginormous floppy beach hat when we went to run a triathlon. She took it off before the race, but still. I wish it were floppy beach hat season here. Unfortunately we got another 5 inches of snow instead. No way could I wear 5-inch stilettos. I would fall and break my coworker. :/



When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)