Tuesday, June 29, 2010

23. Pink Lego's

I just had another one of my BRILLIANT ideas. I am very serious here. And Lego, I want my cut.

I am talking about Pink Lego's. Humor me, if you will.

My sons love Lego's. "Love" might be too tame a word. "Adore" is more like it. "Worship at the Altar of All That Is Lego-ness". They build cars and spaceships and buildings and shooters (whatever that is) in their bright primary colors........... and all the time I am thinking about this amazing untapped market that exists Out There. That's right: Girls.

By my rudimentary calculations, Lego Corporation has slashed its target market by 50%. I did take Economics 101 in college, and in the immortal words of my wise professor, "That's just stupid." I mean, come on! Why would you want to LIMIT your market appeal? Diminish your potential target audience? Cut your profits in (now I am not that good at math, but I think this is right) HALF? Think about it. Pink Lego's. As my 3-year-old says, "Easy-peezy lemon squeezy."

Instead of StarWars (registered trademark) little itty bitty Lego people, make some Lego doll people. Lego ponies. Lego Eiffel Tower. Pink Lego houses. Pink Lego cars. PINK! Oh, the novelty of it all! Why has no one thought of this before? (and where is my big fat royalty check for effectively DOUBLING business?)

Mattel does not limit themselves to only Caucasian blonde Barbie (registered trademark). Oh, no. They also have African-American Barbies with dark skin to (presumably) appeal to little girls of this possible demographic. That's right: Mattel is smart! They have decided that more than just one type of person might be interested in purchasing their product, and so, by golly, they are going to attempt to appeal to the masses.

And, Lego, the masses are boys AND girls.

("Must Outsource to Vietnam")

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

7. Alphabet Soup

Absolute authority is what I’ve got
Brandished on me. It’s a heavy weight when you are surrounded by
Chaos, and
Dying to see a movie (any movie, just get me out of the house).
........I remind myself that my children are really just tiny
Fragile on the inside, try to be careful what you put into their brains.
Giggly, is how they sound (except when they’re crying or screaming at each other).
..........They are the pieces that comprise my
Heart now. And yet, I find myself saddened at how
Ineffective my parenting can be sometimes to these human
Jumping beans. I am barely
Keeping my sanity. So many
Lessons to teach (but mostly I am the one learning).
“Mother”—an honor (and yet a curse at times; what happened to MY identity?).
...........The word I use most often is (can you guess?)
Only to be ignored. My
Patience is tested yet again. I find myself in the center of pandemonium.
........With sons, you remain the
(Recluse would be better.
Stranded on a desert island sounds pretty damn good about right now.)
............I determine consequences; outsiders view me as a
.......I don’t care. I have the strength of
Ulysses now. People's words don't affect me; I'm my own worst critic.
......Is there a
Verb for “hysteria”? There should be. And possibly a
Warrant for my arrest (“Yes, m’am, says right here you told the kid to eat lima beans.”)
X-ray my brain, you won’t find much left. Oh, and my
Youth’s gone too. By the way, where did I put my
Zzzzz’s? Let me know if you find them.

("Momentum Over Velocity")

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

1. How TiVo Save My Life

What did we do before TiVo? We sat thru lots of commercials, that's what. We also planned our lives around stupid TV shows (Who Shot JR, anyone? If that doesn't give my age away, I don't know what does). Now, with merely a few clicks of a button, my shows are ready when I want even if that means 2AM.

I'll admit it: TiVo has (somewhat) evolved into my electronic babysitter. This is not something I am particularly proud of. We do attempt to avoid "empty calorie" TV, and instead we try to have the boys watch things like "Between the Lions" and "Electric Company". This works most of the time, buying me a half hour to do something super-indulgent, like, I don't know, take a shower.

My 6-yr-old is now smart enough to know how to program TiVo himself! How does he know this?!? I did not teach him. I grill The Husband who also denies teaching him (we shun teachable moments better left to our schools, and if you don't realize I am joking here, you have found the wrong blog). So, the 6-yr-old (we'll call him Tall, just as my husband and I call him as our secret code so he won't figure out who we are talking about, alas he has figured that out too) decides to tape things like "Sponge Bob Square Pants" and "Phinneus and Ferb", shows that we would rather he not watch. Grrrrrrrr. Delete, delete, delete!

Anyway, guess this is good for an intro into blogging. Stay tuned and check back often for LOTS of this English Lit Major/ frustrated writer wannabe's musings and observations on what it means to be a Mother Of Brothers.

("My Only Viewings")