Wednesday, July 20, 2011

468. Wicked Twins

The Husband surprised me with second row seats for Wicked for my 36th birthday next month! (And by “surprised,” I mean I purchased the tickets online myself and announced to him that that’s what I wanted. And by “36th” birthday, I mean 43rd.) I have been dying to see it ever since it first came out on Broadway in 2003. I am vaguely familiar with the premise: a spin on the iconic Wizard of Oz—but from the Wicked Witch’s point of view.

Everyone wants to be perfect Glinda, but at my core, I know I am a little bit Wicked. Let’s pretend Glinda and Wicked are both moms. Indulge me in a little “Compare and Contrast:”

Glinda: President of the PTA
Wicked: What’s PTA?

Glinda: Makes kids’ lunches from organic ingredients, preferably from her own garden.
Wicked: Makes kids’ lunches … sometime before dinner.

Glinda: Does all laundry the same day it gets dirty, which includes folding it and putting it away, and possibly ironing.
Wicked: Does all laundry the same year it gets dirty, which includes threatening her husband and kids that they will have to do their own laundry, and possibly crying.

Glinda: Schedules activities to entertain and enrich her kids over summer break.
Wicked: Schedules her kids’ activities to coincide with the Top Chef marathon so she can get caught up on episodes she missed.

Glinda: Favorite subject when she was in school: Advanced Nuclear Physics.
Wicked: Favorite subject when she was in school: Lunch.

Glinda: Vacations in the Caribbean, yearly.
Wicked: Dreams of vacation in the Caribbean, daily.

Glinda: House looks like the Pottery Barn catalog.
Wicked: Likes to look at the Pottery Barn catalog.

Glinda: Puts time and effort into her appearance.
Wicked: Would like to put more time into sleeping.

Glinda: Caught up on all correspondence, thank you notes, and bills.
Wicked: Still looking for stamps.

Glinda: When acquaintances approach her at the grocery store, greets them with a trademark hug and friendly conversation.
Wicked: When acquaintances approach her at the grocery store, ducks down the wine aisle to avoid them.

Glinda: Favorite saying: “For hope is but the dream of those that wake.”
Wicked: Favorite saying: “TGIF.”

Glinda: Patience of a saint, preschool teacher, and a seasonal Disneyland employee, all rolled into one.
Wicked: Patience of a two-year-old, a feral dog, and a DMV worker, all fighting at once.

Glinda: Prefers Neiman Marcus and Saks.
Wicked: Does not prefer Target and the Goodwill, but goes there anyway.

Glinda: Refuses to play silly mom-competition games because, well, she’ll win.
Wicked: Refuses to play silly mom-competition games because, well, she’ll lose.

Glinda: Never whines. Ever.
Wicked: Drinks wine. A lot.

Glinda: First one to be invited to a party.
Wicked: Last one to leave.

(“Mom’s Our Villain”)


  1. I love Wicked! Elphaba is my favorite character. I couldn't wrap my mind around her being a bad mom. She fights for Animal rights!

  2. maybe I will have to revise this after seeing Wicked? I meant that the Wicked mom is the relaxed and fun mom, letting go of the perfectionism that we all strive for (and the "ideal" appearance/ impression to the outside world), and that many of us (myself included) realize we can no longer realistically attain once we become parents. In lowering our previous (unattainable/ ridiculous) standards, we actually become a better version of ourselves, a more approachable version (even if I AM hiding in the wine aisle!).


  3. You should be writing for a living.....

  4. maybe elphaba just had a bad mommy day (month? year?) and it stuck!

    but along the lines of what you're saying, I've had serious interest in authentic living and parenting - i choose to do things because they work for me in my situation (hiding in the wine aisle) and intentionally avoid things that are part of the "good mommmy" expectation. sometimes i have to be a little wicked to stay true to my values, but in the end i'm the one who has to judge myself, and the judgement from other mommies is both irrelevant and a little sad.

  5. megan, you sum it up exactly! thank you-


  6. and to Anonymous 2, thank you for your support. I would like to write for a living. :)


  7. Glinda would NEVER do housework - you HIRE people to do that if you are a Glinda. Glinda would also never take care of her children - she would HIRE someone to do that for her. Not that Elphaba would either - she cant really see herself being a mother - but she has good reason to believe that.

    If you have time, I would suggest reading the Wicked novel by Gregory Maguire before you go see the musical version. Its a lengthy read, and sometimes tedious, but the story is awesome!

    I loved the musical till the very end - its so different than the book - and I am a bit of a book purist - its one thing to change/alter events, but to completely change how the book ends. Nah...cant go for that at all. The music however is AMAZING and very well done.

  8. hi Jennie,

    I started the book but just could NOT get into it, it was very literary! I guess my taste in writing drifts to empty-calorie land? and you are so right about Glinda hiring someone! (maybe Glinda is really the smart one? although if I won the lottery, I would hire a maid and cook, but no nanny. I would spend all the extra time with my kids)

    Very much looking forward to the musical! the last show I saw was "Street Car Named Desire" with none other than the magnificent Cate Blanchett-- her performance took my breath away!


  9. This post= hilarious
    I'll be interested to see if you stick with your descriptors after you meet the characters in the play.
    I made myself read the book but couldn't make myself like it. The musical is sensational. I've seen it four times. I may or may not be obsessed.

  10. I am so jealous, have wanted to see that forever. Loved the book but as said above very rarely does the book and the play or movie match up.

    You actually are more like Elphalba (sp) as she was the real person and Glinda was the Paris Hilton character.

  11. You are going to love it. Saw it in NY a few years ago and both of us thought it was the best show ever. Have a great time.

  12. ellen-- you qualify as obsessed. thank you for not giving away plot details!

    nola-- I think I want to be glinda, but am really elphaba, and I finally accept that. I can breathe a big sigh of relief and let out my tummy that I had been holding in for the last hour in a vain attempt to make it look flat.

    pugsx4-- I am super excited to go see it. I like being so close to the front so I can hear the actors feet on the stage. very cool (and you know that The Husband got us 2nd row seats, did I already mention that?)



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