Wednesday, July 13, 2011

463. Is Target Virgo?

My obsession (bordering on stalking) with Target has been well documented. If the waking hours I’ve spent dancing the aisles in Target were tallied, they would equate to weeks or even entire months. If the sleeping hours spent dreaming about Target were computed, that number would most likely convert to decades.

This morning, I arrived at Target at 7:45 AM, and they were not yet open (they open at 8). This was a gross miscalculation on my part. I had 15 minutes to kill.

Normally, I would spend this extra time re-writing my list over and over and over and over, but today was different. I decided to relax and daydream. That’s when it hit me: Target is Virgo.

  • Virgos are famous for being neat, precise, and orderly: so is Target! I have been known to stand in the towel aisle for 10 minutes (maybe longer) and marvel at how every single towel is folded perfectly so, like a spa. And no one thinks it’s rude for me to take a picture here.
  • Virgos are bright: so is Target! The lights border on neon, but that just means I can see everything better.
  • Virgos would never tolerate a spill: neither would Target! Once, I saw a soda can and a messy chocolate croissant that had spilled in their café area. Within seconds, a red and tan-uniformed employee had swooped in to clean it all up. And they didn’t even charge me for the second soda and croissant.
  • Virgos have a penchant for beautiful things: so does Target! Everything is beautiful, from the melamine outdoor dinnerware to the cotton pajamas with flying monkeys to the woven straw hats in rainbow colors—I want one of each!
  • Virgos have a fun side: so does Target! Target has more toys than Santa’s workshop, and probably a better retirement plan.
  • Virgos are hyper-punctual: so is Target! That one time I was shopping at Target at 9:55 PM, they flickered the lights on and off, and announced politely but firmly, “Your favorite store of the universe will be closing in five minutes, so get the hell out!” (this also exemplifies Target’s playful side).
Oops, I’d love to add to my list, but it’ll have to wait: it’s 7:59, and I see they’re finally unlocking the doors.

(“Me:  Obsessively Virgo”)


  1. I think people are scarred to comment.

  2. Wait, did you mean scared or scarred? and really, why would they be either? and isn't it odd to be typing your own comments?

  3. Well, I don't think people will necessarily know it was me because I can just click the "Anonymous" button.

  4. There. All done. Four comments. That makes it look like what I write is controversial or awe-inspiring, or both. Add smiley face here.

  5. I love your blog and am a new lurker/commenter. Scared? Not really. Some posts/blogs I read inspire immediate responses. Others, well I could sort of contrive a response, but then it would seem well, you know....contrived. Just so you know, I do look forward to checking daily to see what's on your mind.....

  6. I absolutely love Target. The amount of time I spend there/would like to spend there, may make others cringe. More power to you for writing comments on your blog...Honestly, it's the same thing as speaking a thought to yourself, and I do that ALL of the time. Haha! Love this blog...and Target! -B

  7. Hey--thanks for the supportive comment over on my blog--and for following me just because I followed you. That's swell of you.

    I actually found you because I was charmed and amused by your comments on Pie Near Woman, so there's one more thing to love about Rechelle--she led me to the hilarity you're working on over here.

    I'm usually not much of a commenter (previous rambling sentences aside), but I thought I'd save you from having to comment on your own blog more yourself. I've loved and laughed at everything I've read here so far--even comments to yourself.

  8. Anonymous 1, thank you for commenting! And contrived isn't bad (heck, my entire blog is contrived). Glad you check my blog daily-- yikes, pressure to keep writing daily!

    Anonymous 2 (B.-- if that is, in fact, your real name), Glad you love my blog and love Target. Target has saved me from myself many many (did I say MANY) times. I am currently putting all my favorite/ best blog posts in a book form and one entire CHAPTER will be devoted to Target! ha!

    Ellen, first of all, I am really enjoying your blog! (shamelss cyber-promo of fellow cool blogger: Friends, go read Ellen's blog! Click on her name up above in her comment to be magically transported there via the interwebnet). Glad my blog has made you laugh. Read my archives if you have time. :)



When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)