463. Is Target Virgo?

My obsession (bordering on stalking) with Target has been well documented. If the waking hours I’ve spent dancing the aisles in Target were tallied, they would equate to weeks or even entire months. If the sleeping hours spent dreaming about Target were computed, that number would most likely convert to decades.

This morning, I arrived at Target at 7:45 AM, and they were not yet open (they open at 8). This was a gross miscalculation on my part. I had 15 minutes to kill.

Normally, I would spend this extra time re-writing my list over and over and over and over, but today was different. I decided to relax and daydream. That’s when it hit me: Target is Virgo.

• Virgos are famous for being neat, precise, and orderly: so is Target! I have been known to stand in the towel aisle for 10 minutes (maybe longer) and marvel at how every single towel is folded perfectly so, like a spa. And no one thinks it’s rude for me to take a picture here.
• Virgos are bright: so is Target! The lights border on neon, but that just means I can see everything better.
• Virgos would never tolerate a spill: neither would Target! Once, I saw a soda can and a messy chocolate croissant that had spilled in their café area. Within seconds, a red and tan-uniformed employee had swooped in to clean it all up. And they didn’t even charge me for the second soda and croissant.
• Virgos have a penchant for beautiful things: so does Target! Everything is beautiful, from the melamine outdoor dinnerware to the cotton pajamas with flying monkeys to the woven straw hats in rainbow colors—I want one of each!
• Virgos have a fun side: so does Target! Target has more toys than Santa’s workshop, and probably a better retirement plan.
• Virgos are hyper-punctual: so is Target! That one time I was shopping at Target at 9:55 PM, they flickered the lights on and off, and announced politely but firmly, “Your favorite store of the universe will be closing in five minutes, so get the hell out!” (this also exemplifies Target’s playful side).

Oops, I’d love to add to my list, but it’ll have to wait: it’s 7:59, and I see they’re finally unlocking the doors.

MOV
(“Me:  Obsessively Virgo”)

392. Reminder Girl

Although I don't usually wear a red cape, I have a superhero role in life, and that role is: Reminder Girl. I am the one in my immediate family and in my circle of friends who ever-so-slightly nudges people to remember things. Some people might call this “nagging,” I prefer to see it in a more positive light.

Forget when your dentist appointment is? No problem, I remember. Do we have soccer practice on Tuesdays or Thursdays this season? Ask me. When should you turn in your special school project/ taxes/ mail a birthday card/ respond back to a party invitation? I know all this, and more.

When you wake up, I will remind you to write a check for the PTA fundraiser or your son’s school lunches. As you are walking out the door, I will let you know that the forecast is predicting storms, so you need a raincoat. Oh, and take the Netflix movie with you and drop it in the mailbox on your way to work. Did you put your homework in your folder or record your minutes on your reading log? No? That’s okay, I will prompt you.

All this reminding is wearing me out. No one reminds me of anything. I have to do enough reminding for three other people and a cat, plus myself. Self, remember to pick up Tall’s prescription. Self, the deadline for Short’s school registration forms is this week. Self, did you request off from work for the 26th? Better get on it.

My friends all know that when they schedule playdates with my children, they don’t even need to bother writing it on their calendar. Why would they? I will just email them a friendly note the night before:

Subject: Confirm Playdate Tomorrow.
Lisa, Short is so excited to come over and see Dylan tomorrow at 10 AM to play. See you then!

If I am going to the movies with a bunch of girlfriends, they’re all well aware that I will find out which theater, the start time, and coordinate carpooling. They can just sit back and relax, maybe take a quick nap while I figure everything out.

Is this a Virgo thing? Is this a mom thing? Is this a wife thing? What is this thing, this reminder thing, that has consumed my life? I am not being paid for it, although obviously I would make a damn fine office manager or personal assistant to a famous movie star, if only I could parlay this talent into a lucrative job.

That reminds me, I need to work on my resume.

MOV
(“Me: Obsessive Virgo”)