I went over
there and gawked at New Target. Where
have you been all my life, you in your pristine red and white Targety goodness
and splendor with your lovely double circle logo? The counters were unsullied. The lamp supply was endless. The staff was sincerely happy. It was exactly like my normal Target, but with
free kittens and mint-chip sundaes and glitter.
I should
have been tipped off right when I walked in and the girl handed me a map. A map!
To Target! What a Virgo thing to
do: I am in love.
I studied
the map and realized that something in my DNA already knew where everything
was. It was as if I had drawn the map
myself.
At this point,
you might expect that I woke up from a dream, but it was actually real
life.
I figured
out a way to buy less, because my wallet likes to spend $300 every time I am
within a three mile radius of Target:
don’t get a cart. Or basket. Or take a list. Instead, just wander aimlessly.
I meandered up
and down the rows, looking at Christmas items that I don’t need, all the while
whispering, I love you, New Target.
I only
bought one lamp this time.
MOV 
