763. The Perfectionista

Queen Virgo sees people struggle every day to be more organized and get things right. 

She tries hard to educate them, but frankly, she’s tired.  Here are some differences she’s noted: 

The Rest of the World:   Eats over the sink if company will be coming over
Queen Virgo:  Eats over the sink always

World:  Sharpens pencils if/ when they need it
QV:  Sharpens pencils daily

World: Makes mistakes
QV:  Points out other people’s mistakes

World:  Writes illegibly
QV:   Types neatly on the computer, then spellchecks, grammar-checks, proofreads, cross-references, and edits.  Twice. 
     
World:  Forgets grocery list at home
QV:  Forgets grocery list at home, but has back-up laminated grocery list and dry erase marker in the glove compartment

World:  Likes to watch TV
QV:  Likes to imagine better dialogue she could write for so-called “reality” shows

World:  Sees “deadline” as a helpful suggestion, not an absolute
QV:  Sees the word “dead” in deadline (take it for what you will)

World:  Shrugs and walks out of a room if it is too messy 
QV:  Starts shaking, breaking out in cold sweat if a room is too messy; then spends next three hours fixing it (later wonders why she is not invited back to her friends’ houses for dinner)    

World: Wonders how Virgos can stand themselves
QV:   Wonders how anyone can stand to NOT be Virgo  

As you can see, being a Virgo (a.k.a. “Perfectionista”) is hard work.  Queen Virgo is going to take the rest of the day off.  If you need her, you can find her alphabetizing her wine collection.  Again. 

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("Me--Original Virgo")

745. "Queen Virgo Hires The Grammar Police" Starts With "Q"

Queen Virgo went pale.  She had read an awkward sentence about “a man running down the street chasing a cat, when unfortunately his scarf got caught on a tree branch.”  WHOSE scarf got caught in the tree branch?  From the sentence structure, it seems like it must’ve been the cat’s scarf.  Since when do cats wear scarves?  Queen Virgo shuddered.

Queen Virgo got out her red pen, the one with fresh ink.  She crossed out the entire sentence, and wrote in its place:  “A cat was being pursued by a man; unfortunately, his scarf got tangled in a tree branch and slowed him down.”      

The red ink did not wash off the computer screen later. 

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