I do as I am
told, and now I have a big box of dusty pinecones in my basement. They have been there for three years on the
off chance that I will buy some silver spray paint and get to work.
“MOV, buy that
label maker,” she whispers the next time we are at Target. “You can label the shelves of all your
cabinets and the linen closet especially.
Sheets, pillows, laundry detergent—you know, so your husband will put
things back in the right spot?”
I dutifully
put the label maker into the cart. Later
when I get home, the label maker languishes in a bag near the pinecones.
“She won’t
use you either!” a Pine Cone laughs at Label Maker. Label Maker responds hopefully, “That’s not
true, she did at least get out the instruction book.”
“Don’t throw
those seashells away!” my internal Martha screeches the next week when I am out
in the garage looking for some light bulbs.
I have just picked up a bin of seashells, debating whether to throw them
away or donate them. We had collected them
on a beach vacation five years ago with the intention of buying a glass
lamp and filling it with the shells.
“So the lamp
thing didn’t exactly work out. Who
cares? You could still get a nice mirror at a
thrift store for about ten bucks and glue gun the shells to the perimeter,
and then add some decorative grosgrain ribbon around the trim. It will be easy!”
I
agree. It does sound easy. And I have been meaning to buy a glue gun. And grosgrain ribbon.
“By the way,
not to be bossy or anything, but you should really keep light bulbs in the house,
not the garage. Maybe on a shelf in the
linen closet. Labeled.”
She’s always
there, reminding me that things will be easy or that they should be glue gunned
or spray painted or ribboned or labeled.
“I
know, MOV! Let’s string together popcorn and
dried cranberries!” she bellowed at Christmas.
“Why don’t you needlepoint your own ornaments! And it’s easy to embroider your monogram on
your apron and some small pillows! You
could make hundreds of custom orders and sell them on etsy! Let’s do it!”
I like the
idea of stringing popcorn. I buy the
special string. And who wouldn’t want
their initials monogramed on their apron or a small pillow? Of course I would love to make some extra
money on etsy selling these simple and not at all time-consuming crafts.
This
morning, I accidentally chip a plate as I am washing it. As I hold it up to assess the damage, I
notice a hairline crack spreading across the radius of the plate. It clearly belongs in the trash.
“Nooooo!”
she screams, blocking me from getting to the trash can. “You can break that plate all the way and use
the pieces to make mosaics!”
I sort of
knew she’d say that.
MOV
