MOVarazzi

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

836. Judgmental Tomatoes

The Husband has a garden, which he tends to with consistency.  It’s raining, he’s out there.  It’s 95 degrees, he’s out there.  First thing in the morning, garden.  Late afternoon, after work?  Yep.  Let’s just say if that garden were a pool, he would be Michael Phelps.  The Husband is the Michael Phelps of the gardening world. 

So it should come as no surprise that we have beautiful vegetables to eat every night.  We have carrots, cucumbers, squash.  And there are lots of tomatoes. 
I have never been a huge fan of tomatoes.  Oh, sure, a small one sliced up in a salad is okay, or perhaps one on a burger.  But it is not like I seek them out. 

The problem with The Husband’s tomatoes (besides the sheer fact that there are so many of them) is the taste.  The Husband is a big believer in “Natural is better.”  This translates into no pesticides. 
I, myself, was pretty much raised on pesticides.  When confronted with a small, juicy, ripe red tomato, I really don’t know how to respond.  I tentatively take a bite or two, you know, to be polite.  But then the flavor punches me in the tongue.  The flavor grips the back of my throat and screams.  What it is screaming is, “This is what a real tomato tastes like!” 
You know where this is going.  The tomato just tastes, well, too tomatoey.  I like my tomatoes to be artificially big, a little bit green, and taste like plastic.  It’s what I am used to.  Pop-Tarts taste normal to me.  Corn dogs seem organic.  I could eat Cool-Whip three meals a day.   

What this all means is one thing:  we have tomatoes sitting out all over our counter, rotting.  The Husband tries to deal with this surplus of tomatoes by canning them.  However, he is only able to use up 150 tomatoes this way, leaving at least another 50 or so for me.  I don’t even want one, let alone 50. 

The Husband will not let me give them away, which is so weird.  He freely gives away peppers and pumpkins and potatoes.  But he is very attached to these tomatoes and he tells me he is going to eat them. 
So they sit on the counter and rot.  I move them from a big plate to a smaller plate as one by one they commit tomato suicide (tomato-cide?)  I feel like they are sitting their, shaking their little tomato heads at me and sighing.  They think I am a bad person, a non-tomato person. 

Here is a picture of how many we have left now. 
 
And then here is a picture of the kind of vegetables I prefer to grow. 



That’s right, brownie bites.  I make them from scratch in a mini-muffin pan.  Then we introduce the brownie bites to their long-lost cousins who live in the refrigerator. 



Hello, Caramel!  How do you do? 

And here comes Mr. Whipped Cream to join us! 



Sorry, tomatoes.  I want to love you, I do.  But my heart belongs to that fifth food group:  junk food.      
MOV

23 comments:

  1. Those tomatoes look awesome to me but I love them and I'd take them off your hands, sprinkle with salt and eat them like an apple. That's not to say I'm not wholeheartedly into your fifth group. I adore caramel on anything but maybe not tomatoes. And brownies....... I had so much un reading this!

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    1. do you put the tomato in the fridge first to get it really cold? or is that sacrilege?

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    2. They are less flavorful if you keep them in the fridge, you know.

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  2. I am your opposite! Ok, not about the brownie bites--that's my favorite food group too. But I didn't like tomatoes at all until I had fresh off the vine tomatoes! I wish my husband was Phelps of the garden, so awesome...

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    1. I have to admit that I am pretty spoiled that way. Now if he could just remember to put the toilet seat down......

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  3. I realize that you (and everyone that ever met me) thinks I am a big weirdo....wait that would be a small person that is weird. ANYWHOSER...I love home grown tomatoes the way other people like cupcakes. It's not that I would turn down a caramel sundae with Mr. Whip Creme making a cameo appearance but if I had to chose between the two...tomatoes might win.

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  4. OH NO! There is nothing in the world BETTER than a garden tomato! And I'm a junk food addict. Please, for the love of all that his holy, dump some salt on those and dig in!! For ME!!

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    1. you don't find them too tomatoey?

      and as an aside, I tried to do it your way and just eat it straight-- bleh. two bites, couldn't do it. sorry.

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  5. I love tomatoes but after seeing this post I believe I could be easily converted to your vegetables!! Bring on the whip cream!

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    1. aha! and this is why I love you.

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  6. LOL! We have so many tomatoes this year! nothing but tomatoes. My theory is that the tomato plants killed off the other veggie plants out of pure jealousy. They're evil >;0/
    Blessings, Joanne

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    1. oooooh, I like that theory. are vampires involved?

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  7. I love tomatoes and growing them, but last year's drought was so disappointing and dangerous that I decided to save aLL my rain water for my orchid and my pineapple plantation. I now have five pineapple plants, and there are now grape vines, but they require a garden hose and city water. I think I wiLL eventuaLLy divert some rain water to the grapes as soon as I get some gutters on the back side of my house. I do like those dark dark muffins. They have mini ones at Jason's deli restaurant.

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    1. where have you BEEN, esbboston??!? have not seen you in the cybercomments for a while. Glad to have you back!

      and I am super-jealous if you have pineapple plants!

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  8. I love tomatoes with sliced buffalo mozzarella, a drizzle of olive oil & some cracked pepper. However, immediately upon reading your post, I went and baked some chocolate muffins with Cocoa Puffs topping to balance out the universe.

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  9. just take those fresh ripe tomatoes and put them in a baggie and throw them in the freezer. Then when the desire for pasta hits you in middle winter use them to make super tasty sauce.

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  10. OK, seriously? I'm with you. I actually like plasticy tomatoes better. And I definitely put them in the fridge because they're less tomatoey. I thought I was the only one!

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  11. MOV, now we know what's wrong with you and where that warped sense of humor comes from. Make pizza sauce. Use lots of basil, we'll convert you yet. And DON'T put ripe tomatoes in the refrigerator, no wonder they taste so bad.

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    1. wha??? cannot put them in the fridge??

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  12. I am decidedly NOT a fan of the plastic, tasteless hot-house tomato at all. Give me the fresh off the vine kind any day. If you can them, they make the best base for chili. One of my favorite summer sandwiches is fresh tomato, mozzarella and basil.

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  13. I love tomatoes. But I also love the fifth food group. Am I cheating on tomatoes when I eat a cookie? Or am I cheating on cookies when I eat a tomato? Everyone, please remember that the tomato is a fruit, not a vegetable.

    Love,
    Janie

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  14. Oh, but the things one can do with tomatoes. Pizza sauce, spaghetti sauce, sauce, sauce, sauce. Grilled tomato sandwich? Yes, please.

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When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)