Wednesday, November 23, 2011

585. Why Thanksgiving Is The Bestest Holiday Ever

I woke up this morning and said, Is today the day—is it Thursday yet? Alas, it was not. It was still dumb ol’ Wednesday, mocking me. Ha! said Wednesday, Fooled you again!

Bizarre dialogues with rude and unwanted filler days like Wednesday aside, I wanted to write a special post about Thanksgiving and why it is the premier holiday on the calendar.
  • New Year’s Day is all about hangovers and resolutions. Thanksgiving is all about dressing, pumpkin pie, and football. Point to: Thanksgiving.
  • Valentine’s Day focuses on if you have a love interest. Not Thanksgiving! Thanksgiving focuses on turkey. Point to: Thanksgiving.
  • St. Patrick’s Day is all about hanging out with friends, drinking beer, and wearing something green. Thanksgiving does not have a dress code (and I do not look good in green). I do like to hang out with friends and drink for no good reason though. Point to: Tie.
  • Easter celebrates Jesus, God, and cute bunnies. Thanksgiving celebrates grateful atheists or grateful religious people. Thanksgiving is non-discriminatory. Point to: Thanksgiving!
  • Mother’s Day and Father’s Day highlight the sacrifices parents make, while simultaneously making them work hard on the specific day to put together a brunch or something and entertain the kiddos that are supposedly so grateful for mom and dad. Personally, I would like to have a day off. Conclusion: Mother’s Day sucks. Point to: Thanksgiving.
  • July 4th. It’s all about celebrating our independence with illegal fireworks, hamburgers, and cheap wine. Hmm … Point: Tie.
  • My Birthday. Not a legal holiday in most countries* (*well, any country), yet fun nonetheless. I get to eat cake and choose what flavor. However, the whole USA does not get the day off, so this results in: Tie.
  • Halloween dwells on fake mummies, stale candy, and over-sugared children who won’t go to sleep because they are busy being amped up or throwing up. Point to (clearly): Thanksgiving.
  • Christmas reminds us to spend time with our families and simultaneously guilts us into buying them gobs of gifts and then stressing out because we worry if they’ll like them. Thanksgiving also involves time with loved ones, but no presents are required or expected, and plus you get to eat turkey. Point to: Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving is the day we can sleep in, eat turkey, eat more turkey (did I mention eating turkey?) and not feel bad about it, say what we are thankful for, and play Junior Monopoly with our kids for five hours. As an added bonus, Thanksgiving is paired with a freebie extra day off and lots of football.  It’s my favorite holiday.

Happy Thanksgiving!



  1. Don't forget, um... er...
    I need a blip on Brothers' Day, Aug. 1st.
    -Motaki, Aspiring Falconer

  2. My Thanksgiving was more than a month ago, and it's faded so much from memory that I'd ready to do it again. I'm pretty jealous of this whole Thursday Friday off business. Canadian Thanksgiving falls on a Monday.

    Enjoy your turkey. Have some pie with lots o' whipped cream for me. I'll be eating leftover pot roast and dreaming of yams.

  3. I respect your preference. You put forth valid arguments. Yet I am a Christmas Whore. I'm taking a break from setting up my Christmas village right now (I can't find another power strip). And I've got Bailey's. So pls. forgive my transgressions.

  4. Happy Thanksgiving MOV- it was a beauty here on the east coast! Hope yours was as well!

  5. taki--egads, how did I ever forget Brothers' Day? (and can I hire you as my personal record keeper, you do a far better job than I)

    kay--yes, Americans have their turkey and eat it too by getting that bonus day for shopaholics rolled into the Pilgrim Worship. But you Canadians get to say "eh?" and I am really envious of that. (we Amercians just say "wha ?" and show off how goofy we are)

    marianne--I am thinking I need to do a blog post about Christmas Whores and maybe give you credit. Hmmm.........

    Patty--thank you! Happy Thanksgiving to you too! and I also live on the East Coast, you are right that it was a splendid day weather-wise.

    <* ^^^
    & &

    ok that is supposed to be a turkey, I just made it up

  6. Hire? As in, money?
    Sign me up.
    -Motaki, Aspiring Falconer and Money-Desperate

  7. Because if you HIRED hired me, as in money, I could afford my falconry stuff and everybody'd be happy!
    -Motaki, Aspiring Falconer

  8. hi taki, I wish I could afford to hire you. Alas, I make about $2 per day, and you most likely charge $200/ hour. Alas.



When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)