Like everyone else on the planet, I got up early and watched the Royal Wedding in action. I loved every second of it: the pomp, the circumstance, the majesty, the dress, the music. I especially loved the sweet and happy look on Kate’s face as she said her formal vows to William. Then I dared to look closer. I froze my TiVo and stared intently at her sparkly blue eyes and that huge Colgate grin. That wasn’t the look of love. That was the look of a woman who never has to do laundry again.
Oh, sure, she’s got her hunky prince. She’s got designers falling all over themselves left and right to create couture dresses just for her. She’s got staff at and her beck and call to do whatever she needs—run out to Rite Aid for cough medicine at two in the morning—but the most impressive thing is, she can say goodbye to the spin cycle and dryer lint for the rest of her life.
She won’t miss fluffing out her wrinkled t-shirt wondering if she should try to “get one more day’s use out of it,” like I do. She won’t miss saying to William, “Hey! Stop leaving your socks inside out, they’ll never get clean that way!”
Sweaters that have to be hand-washed? Won’t miss. Bras that can’t go in the dryer? Won’t miss. Sundress that needs the delicate cycle? Won’t miss.
I can see her on the plane to her honeymoon efficiently writing out her thank you notes to her wedding guests, but then pausing a moment to write a special note to a significant person that was not actually invited, but will become an intimate member of her circle: I’m talking of course about Lady Laundress.
“Dearest Lady Laundress,
I know I have not yet officially met you, as I have been so busy with planning my wedding and all. I just wanted to say thank you in advance as I know we will be seeing a lot of each other over the next several years, and I really really appreciate that you will wash all my clothes, like, forever. That will save me tons of time, time I could spend better by visiting people in hospitals and fundraising for orphanages and the like. (And shopping. I’m not going to lie: I do like to shop and I might potentially spend some of my new found free time doing that, too, so thank you.)
What I am trying to say is: thank you. A lot. Thank you! Best eternal thanks and gratitude to you! And here is 1000 pound advance bonus to put us on immediate good terms.
Thank you very, very much!
Girlfriend knows how good she’s got it.