Thursday, February 10, 2011

325. Crazy Like A Fox

There comes a point in every relationship when your very future hinges on three little words. In our case, those words were “Fox on armoire!”

The Husband and I were living in California, renting a tiny apartment across from the beach. One night, I was awakened from a deep deep sleep by The Husband turning the lights on full bright, sitting up straight in bed, and yelling at the top of his lungs, “Fox on armoire!”

As you can imagine, this was slightly disconcerting. Would this wild fox try to bite us, or possibly steal one of my favorite sweaters from the armoire?  And what, exactly, did The Husband expect me to do about this situation?  Shouldn't he be trying to protect me from the fox, instead of the other way 'round?

Yes, I had a job where I dealt with random scenarios every day.  I knew what to do if there was a medical emergency, a fire, or if a plane crashed in water.  But, all my years of flight attendant training had not adequately prepared me for this moment. I had never dealt with a wild animal on the loose (sure, I’d dealt with a drunk passenger or five, but to my knowledge, they never had rabies).

I decided the first order of business was to actually see the fox. Even though The Husband was screaming and pointing to the (supposed) location of said fox, I did not see a fox. Since the armoire was at an angle in the corner of the room, it was quite possible that the fox had hidden behind the armoire.

The logical part of my brain started to thaw. “Sweetie, uh, do you think it is maybe a cat, and not a fox?” This was way before we owned our cat, but perhaps an errant neighbor cat had snuck in our (closed, locked) window.

“It! Is! A! Fox!” he insisted, adamant. “Right there!”

I rubbed my eyes, willing myself to see whatever it was that The Husband was seeing.


Now the truth was apparent.  Not only was there no (mistaken identity) cat, there was no fox either. The Husband was having a nightmare, and as far as I could tell, was actually still asleep even though his (round, crazy) eyes were open and he seemed awake.

“You’re having a nightmare,” I soothed, all the while trying to put my own fast-pumping heart back into my chest. “Go back to sleep, Hon.”

“No, MOV, I’m serious! There’s a fox!” Still pointing.

I got out of bed and turned the light off. “I’m going to bed.”

Four hours later, the alarm went off and the Husband bounded out of bed, cheery and rested. “How’d you sleep, MOV?” he asked sweetly.

“Are you kidding?” I responded tersely. “After you woke me up, screaming ‘A fox! A fox! A fox on the armoire!”

“What are you talking about?” he asked. And then, “You sure have a great imagination.”



  1. Bahahahah! Oh man, it's like that time I woke up frantically looking for my broccoli tray, and made my mountain man get out of bed to help me! I was like half awake, but still in my dream. But I was seriously in need of my broccoli tray, and to this day I do not stray from the fact that there was a good reason for needing it, right then, and that it had somehow slipped under the bed...

    um, what is a broccoli tray??

  2. Our middle son talks in his sleep while he sleep walks. My husband tells "stories" that I do as well... nonsensical kinds of things. ME?? never. ;o) He better watch out; there might be FOX in his near future... and I'm not talkin bout my sexy bum, either.


    PS... Thanks for following. It's been a tough week, and your posts make me laugh... out loud... and do you know what that is like~ reading to yourself and laughing while your husband is in the same room? Crazy stares I'm getting.

  3. I once started ranting about snakes in the bed. Craziness, the things your brain will do to you while you're asleep. Just plain craziness.

  4. LOL. My husband does this, too - a lot. He refuses to believe me when I tell him about it, so I just keep it to myself these days. And I laugh.

  5. my worst asleep moment (which really needs its own special entire blog essay) is when I was a flight attendant staying at a hotel, and I half-asleep got up looking for the bathroom in my hotel room, only to wander in my pajamas into (you guessed it) the HALL. By the grace of God, I still had my hand propping the door to the room open -- I think the super-bright hall lights are what woke me all the way -- and I realized where I was and went back into my room. That would've been so much fun, though: going down to the (busy, crowded) front desk in my pajamas with no ID and begging the clerk for my room key!
    thank you everyone for your nice comments! It is great to connect here, and I'm glad I can make you laugh for 5 minutes per day. :)
    ps--Tera, if you are new reading my material, if you have time, go back and read some of my older posts, there are some classics!! I am trying to get it all made into a book.

  6. New reader here - enjoying your blog! My daughter used to sleep walk when she took antihistamines. She ANGRILY sleep walks and talks - or rather yells. She woke me one middle of the night slamming around her bathroom angrily muttering looking for "the beaters" - whatever those are. I gently herded her back to her bed, and in the morning she had zero recollection. Another night she was yelling from her bed, sound asleep once again - "Don't hit me Mommy!" I can assure you-cross my heart-I have never ever hit that child. She is 19 now, and more tolerant of allergy medication. Thank goodness for small favors.

  7. thank you, Jennie, I enjoy hearing these crazy dream/ sleep stories!
    MOV :)

  8. This is so funny! Reminds me of a night not too long ago. My fiance and I snuggled in bed when I awoke in the middle of the night to him making a whimpering/moaning type sound. I knew he was having a nightmare and gently rubbed my fingers over his back to soothe him. With that he grabbed my arm making a LONG and HUGE gouge from my arm pit to my elbow and leapt out of the bed all in the same moment. There he stood in his birthday suit hopping from foot to foot like he was crazed. I started crying, "M you're scaring me, and you hurt my arm." He finally snapped out of it, and I asked what he'd been dreaming about. It was spiders (he's a huge arachniphobe) crawling on his skin. No wonder me touching his back set him off!

  9. ah, so much fun to get injured when you are sleeping...


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