Monday, November 25, 2013

976. That Plucky Writer

I have written three books.  Really, they have written themselves, I just sort of vomited up all the words. 

I take the books off the shelf now and marvel at them, thinking, I did this!  This thing in my hands did not exist before me! 
I imagine it’s exactly like the person who built the Duomo felt.  Well, people.  It was probably a lot of people.  And they most likely died during that time, since it took 140 years to complete.

So, to clarify, I don’t feel dead. 

What I meant, was, it’s a big accomplishment.  Not to brag, though.  I don't have a t-shirt with “I’m an Author!” printed on the front.  (Although, to my darling husband if you are reading this:  potential Christmas present?) 

It’s not like I’m rich and famous or anything.  I don’t have a cleaning lady, and Oprah still won’t return my calls.  But, FYI, I would take rich over famous any day of the week.  Think about it:  if you are famous, you are hounded relentlessly.  If you are rich but no one knows who you are, you can just go about your business, buying jets or 2nd houses in Belize (or 25th houses in Belize) and no one cares. 
Writing does not make you rich.  I found that out.  What it does make you is neurotic.  I carry a little notebook around and pluck it out of my pocket to jot down quick notes.  Actually, since I bought my new iPhone, I dictate to SIRI.  SIRI sometimes misspells things or misinterprets things, and I am left to decipher later:  What the hell does “Thistle turns green” mean??  Why was that important? 

SIRI is helpful with directions, though.  I use her as my GPS.  She never says in a snotty tone, “Recalibrating,” when I miss my turn.  She calmly gives me a new route. 
And then I say, “Read me my last note, SIRI,” and she says, “You are bitch and famous, or you will be moon.”    

trifecta writing challenge/ 333 words/ required word is "pluck"

**Shameless self-promotion:  You can buy the books I wrote here, and here, and here, and they make great Christmas or Hanukkah presents!!


  1. Hahaha, love reading this. Cracking ending! Thanks for sharing and don't forget to come back and vote!

  2. MOV,

    I love the stream-of-consciousness, conversational tone and the hilarious honesty. I read this twice because I enjoyed it that much. I am, however, a little bummed to find out writing doesn't make you rich. :)

    BTW, the picture caption literally--yes, literally--made me lol.

  3. This is wonderful, and so are you and your books! I think it is incredible that you have vomited up three books. Not every one can do that! Bravo. Bra. Vo!

  4. "You will be moon." Yes, whatever that is, I think I wish to be that. ;-) Wonderful, as always.

  5. Haha stupid Siri....and I just adore that you vomited upyour books. I feel the same when I write, but I've always called it diarrhea from my brain. Ha!

  6. Making Open Varieties (I'm sorry if that's pathetic compared to previous efforts), you need to make sure you get that t-shirt. And then one for the rest of us. Preferably one for each, because I don't particularly like smelly t-shirts myself, and I assume that would be the case if your minions were all shoved into the same one. No offense, minions who are sensitive to any odors issues I might have just introduced into your heads...

  7. Hilarious.. particularly the ending. I enjoyed this.

  8. This is hilarious and fun to read.

  9. SIRI is all about keeping us humble, lest our feet leave the ground. This was funny!

  10. I loved this post! It sums up how I feel! And I think I may have to buy myself that shirt!

  11. SIRI is just jealous. Great idea for a tee though.

  12. So funny. And true. I too have a writer's notebook full of baffling, what-was-I-going-for-there? phrases, so I could relate. I also love the Siri angle, especially her parting punch line.

  13. I have always felt that Belize would be a better place for a 22nd or 23rd house. Definitely not 25th.


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