MOVarazzi

Saturday, February 9, 2013

902. Public School Is Turning My Kid into a Hoarder

We live in one of the top school districts in the country, which is why we moved here in the first place.  I figure what I save in not paying for a private school education I can spend on race cars* and fancy chocolates.  (*This has not happened yet, but I remain hopeful.)   

But savings has a price.  And that price, my friends, is hoarding. 
The school receives money from the efforts of our hard-working PTA, the financially secure parents contribute and volunteer frequently, plus the teachers and admin workers generously use their own money to buy extra items not covered in the budget.  Much of this money is spent on Smart Boards (computer chalkboards), books, and other supplies. 

But some of the money, apparently, is spent on treats.   
My six-year-old has never met a little plastic doodad he didn’t like.  Tiny globes, pencil erasers, rubber robots; if it is colorful and fits in the palm of your hand, he wants to keep it forever. 

The problem is:  our particular school tends to reward our children with stuff.  Think party favors on steroids.  My son fills out his reading log for a week after reading 20 minutes nightly?  He gets a prize.  He has good behavior in class for a week?  Another prize.  Sits still in Spanish class while the teacher introduces the names for Spanish fruits?  That is a prize-worthy moment. 
We are drowning in these miniature tokens of my child’s myriad first grade achievements.  Is this education or consumerism?   

If I “accidentally” throw away one of these carefully guarded treasures, the sky fills with angry clouds and vibrations of impending thunder and black doom. 
“Noooooooooooooooooo!  Mommy, I can’t find my parachuting ninja!  You know, the special one the librarian gave everyone?  Mine was red.”  Tears, tears, and more tears, which quickly morph into full-blown sobbing. 

I sheepishly go to the trash can when he is not looking and retrieve it.  It was buried underneath a gum wrapper—that’s how small these rewards are. 
I give him back his prize (an item that he had not played with in three months), and I am suddenly the hero—if only for a moment. 

Please don’t think I am a mean person.  If you came over to our house, you would see that we already have plenty of things like these from birthday parties, dentist visits, fast-food outings, and a year of kindergarten at the same school.  We have reached a saturation level of cheap plastic junk.  It is everywhere.  I step on it in the middle of the night.  It lodges in the vacuum (who am I kidding—I am too lazy to vacuum).  The cat bats the stuff around like it is her God-given right. 
I find mini-alligators under pillows, bouncy balls in the tub, and neon green erasers in coat pockets. 

When will it end? 
Oh, yeah, when they are 18 and go off to college.   

And then I will be sad. 
Note to school:  Please send more symbols of childhood home with my son.  We will make room for them.    

MOV

15 comments:

  1. I go through this with my grandson and all of his little treasures that he hasn't played with in eons but the MOMENT it goes missing it's his "favorite" toy! And I, like you, end up digging it out of the trash or quickly dashing to the dollar store to find a replacement! I just wanna' know. If they don't touch it in 3 months, how in the world do they know it's missing the VERY day we toss it??

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    1. I think it is their psychic skills. Either that or the hidden video cameras.

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  2. Miniature Orange Valkyrie, I used to get this kind of stuff at school (although not to this apparent volume!), so I reluctantly admit that it was a curious kind of treasure. Although, indeed, in time it will lose its value. In time, you understand. In the meantime, endure!

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    1. Ah, yes, I probably liked that stuff too when I was 6.

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  3. My kids wanted me to save every single worksheet and art project they did in school. I had to sneak them into the trash and then lie when they wanted to know what happened to the drawing of the kangaroo with a brontosaurus in his pouch.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. janie-- so true! they want to keep all the work sheets and art projects. argh. Some of the art is great, some is ... not so much.

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  4. When my kids were young, we put things like this in a basket that they occasionally would go through and play with; every so often I would declutter the basket; they rarely missed what was no longer there.

    but you are right, when they are 18 you will miss this stuff and these days so treasure them while you can!

    betty

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    1. treasure the treasures. hmmmm. better invest in one of those baskets!

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  5. My oldest is 33, youngest is 8, there's 6 in between. I throw that shit away and don't miss it a bit. "Where's my...?" Is met with a bold face lie. "I don't know," followed by guilt, "If you put your stuff away, you'd know where it is."

    Now artwork, on the other hand, is a whole other basement full of Rubbermaid tubs. Just can't figure out who I'm saving it for. Our school has the kids earn tickets which, at the end of the month, they redeem for a pizza party lunch or an activity.

    But if you must collect, I agree with, "That Corgi's," basket idea. The only caveat is the parachute guy. You have to keep those til they're unfixably tangled. Just trust me on this. And I'm writing a song to honor your post because I've been there, tossed that.

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    1. I like the ticket idea! and where is my song?

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  6. I remember those days with my two oldest, one wanted to keep every paper she ever got even if it only said "PTA meetings at 7:00pm the first Wednesday of every month", the other one wanted to keep all the little "gifts" they received for good behavior, good grades, not talking, etc an ALL of them were his favorite. Being a gifted child he got a lot of that useless junk. Thank God I home schooled the last two! I have only this last semester and the last two graduate from high school and I no longer ever have to deal with anything to do with school again. College doesn't count, the others made it through just fine without my intervention, these two will also.

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    1. wait-- since you home schooled you were off the hook to give them plastic doodads? smart lady.

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  7. As a former teacher, I have to say that giving a tangible reward really, really, irritates me. (I was going to use a stronger word but I'm trying to curb my cussing). When kids are giving a reward for doing the thing they are supposed to do it negates the reason for the action. It becomes more "I'm going to clean my room/do my homework/sit still because I get a toy/money/sticker" and less about "I should ____ because it is my responsibility and it is the right thing to do." Children need to do what they should do not because they get a toy or gift, but because it is the right thing for them to do. No one is going to be handing out stickers and parachute men for doing the dishes when they are in college and beyond.

    Sorry to jump up on a soap box - this is a huge peeve of mine! :)

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    1. You know, Heather, I agree with you. And my (future) de-cluttered house agrees with you. I think as a society we place too much emphasis on material goods. I like placing the importance on "doing the right thing."

      Now, where did I set my diamond tiara??

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  8. I'm very late to the party on this one, but I just loved this post. I have lived this many, many times. And, I also agree with Heather -- we need to do the right thing because it is right, not because someone gave us a prize to do it! We are working on that in our house but I know it will be a struggle to combat the ninja parachute men, gum, stickers, candy, etc. Since when did ethics become a competitive sport?

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When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)