MOVarazzi

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

975. I Wonder Where My Wonder Went

I’m not dead.  I am, however, buried alive in boxes. 

Packing is a mindless task—a robot could do it.  Put stuff in, pad well, tape closed.  Repeat.  While my hands wrestle the cardboard, my brain hijacks a plane to childhood. 

My childhood full of wonder.  I wonder what it will be like to grow up?  I wonder what it will be like to drive a car?  I wonder what it would be like to go to Paris?  I wonder what it would be like to stay up late?  I wonder what it would be like to get married/ have kids/ buy a house/ fill in the blanks ___________? 
There is no more wonder, because all those things have happened. 

I am Bill Murray in Groudhog Day:  get up, make breakfast, kids to school, do laundry, run errands, pick the kids up, drive them to sports, eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed.  Same as yesterday.  Same as tomorrow, and tomorrow’s tomorrow. 
There is no room for wonder while filling up the empty gas tank or buying paper towels at Target. 

And yet …
My life’s brimming with possibilities:  we’re moving into an apartment because we’re renovating.  We are making this tiny house into our dream home.  The possibilities are about room designs, furniture, tile choices. 

Yet, still no wonder.  I had those decisions mapped out the day we bought the house.  Wonder disappears when it is replaced by MUST.  I must have an island, I must have a walk-in-closet, I must have floor-to-ceiling windows.  Wonder sneaks in and MUST chases it away.  MUST detests this naïf companion.


 I rush around to fill these boxes, fill them with china, clothes, photo albums.  My children absorb this frenzied energy.   

We take a break.  We have a new origami book:  Short studies it, wants to attempt a paper frog.  He folds the green square carefully.  He whispers,   


“Mommy, origami is not a fast thing.  Origami is a calm and peaceful thing.”


 

My wonder has returned.  

MOV
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trifecta writing challenge/ required word: "companion"/ exactly 333 words

33 comments:

  1. That is such a beautiful write. Life gets monotonous once we grow up from our childhood. But we may find our "wonders" again. Lovely! :-)
    -HA

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    1. thank you. your words mean a lot!

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  2. Excellent! I love the way you write. I got so caught up in it!

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    1. that is so sweet of you to say! you made my day. I need to dust off these computer keys and get back to writing more. :)

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  3. Brilliant! (as always) Best of luck with the renovation! I'm glad you're putting your amazing skills to good use.

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    1. aww, thanks, couse! I appreciate you stopping by to read my latest story. and maybe there will be MORE renovation stories??

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  4. Short has Origami figured out, I see. I love this line I wonder what it would be like to stay up late? Now I'm thinking back to when I was a child... a long time ago...

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    1. I know, right? Kids can be so insightful.

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  5. Perfect post because I've been "wondering" where you've been. :) Glad to hear things are good. Creating your dream home sounds amazing. Stressful, but amazing.

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    1. Oh Christian! I have been wondering if you were wondering about me. Aha, there is a future blog post for you-- the infinite loop. Discuss. And then I will discuss you discussing it. Or I will at least wonder about it.

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  6. Kids are amazing. What would we do without them to remind us what an incredible world we live in?

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    1. I wish I could be as observant as my kids ("Mommy, that us the 5th day in a row that you have worn that sweater..."). Maybe they might be a little TOO observant!

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  7. Funny that we both wrote about wonder, but looking at it from opposite sides (child vs. adult.) I had to chuckle at the beginning because for the most part, the wonder of daily life is gone. I like how the child's comment brought it back, though (even if it is only temporary.)

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    1. Thanks, Janna! See, brilliant minds think alike...

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  8. Ah! That sense of wonder, thank you for the reminder me.

    You are such an amazing writer that you draw the read in with one simple sentence.....I'm not dead, then take us along for this wonderful ride.

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    1. Chills. Your comment gave me chills. As a writer, I absolutely LIVE for a comment like yours! Thank you, you made my day.

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  9. A great post, and good luck with the renovation.

    As a child I would often wonder what it would be like to stay up late - now as an adult I do stay up late and often wonder what it would be like to go to bed early!

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  10. You've captured the simplicity of wonder (yes, that line about staying up late - 45 years later and I still remember wondering that!) and the mindless simplicity of monotony. Lovely.
    And the kid's killer line <3

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  11. My life feels like Ground Hog day. More of the same day after day. I miss wondering. (we are downsizing from family home to condo in the city tis spring). A lot of work ahead but the wonder will return! Love the calm ending!!!

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    1. Good luck with the move, Gina! Start packing and decluttering now-- it takes so much longer than you think it will.

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  12. This is awesome work. You have a voice all your own in your writing. A fun and unique style. Better yet you asked questions: where does the cycle of consuming lead, what is existence? People seem to claim existentialism pieces are cliche anymore, but that can't be any further from the truth because they always change depending on the voice. You hit your stride near the end, 9th paragraph was especially good in my opinion. Loved the line: "Wonder disappears when it is replaced by MUST." Nice work. Enjoyed the read.

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    1. Thanks! And thanks for stopping by to read. You always do an amazing job if reading and commenting on everyone's entry for trifecta. I really appreciate it.

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  14. I love how it feels as if wonder is completely gone forever, and yet how quickly it reappears in the voice of the child. Beautiful.

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  15. I love how evil Must barges in and ruins everything. I know that feeling well. Perfect, lovely ending.

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  16. Clever use of "companion." I really enjoyed how you compare the adult "you" with the child "you". This is thought provoking.

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  17. I've moved enough times to fully appreciate your first sentence! And I too have filled in those same blanks, and at times lost my sense of wonder, only to have it restored by my own dear daughter.

    Please do dust off those keys-because I will be waiting to read what comes from the tapping of them. And in the meantime, all the best with your sweet little dream home:)

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  18. Nice. Even more relevant than usual as we enter the holidsys with all uts musts replacing wonder

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  19. Kids. No wonder(pun intended) we keep having them. They make the world new again.

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  20. Origami can be very meditative.

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  21. Very strange that we took similar hiatuses. Let's get creative again :)

    Oh, and origami is the bees knees.

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When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)