The Husband surprised me with second row seats for Wicked for my 36th birthday next month! (And by “surprised,” I mean I purchased the tickets online myself and announced to him that that’s what I wanted. And by “36th” birthday, I mean 43rd.) I have been dying to see it ever since it first came out on Broadway in 2003. I am vaguely familiar with the premise: a spin on the iconic Wizard of Oz—but from the Wicked Witch’s point of view.
Everyone wants to be perfect Glinda, but at my core, I know I am a little bit Wicked. Let’s pretend Glinda and Wicked are both moms. Indulge me in a little “Compare and Contrast:”
Glinda: President of the PTA
Wicked: What’s PTA?
Glinda: Makes kids’ lunches from organic ingredients, preferably from her own garden.
Wicked: Makes kids’ lunches … sometime before dinner.
Glinda: Does all laundry the same day it gets dirty, which includes folding it and putting it away, and possibly ironing.
Wicked: Does all laundry the same year it gets dirty, which includes threatening her husband and kids that they will have to do their own laundry, and possibly crying.
Glinda: Schedules activities to entertain and enrich her kids over summer break.
Wicked: Schedules her kids’ activities to coincide with the Top Chef marathon so she can get caught up on episodes she missed.
Glinda: Favorite subject when she was in school: Advanced Nuclear Physics.
Wicked: Favorite subject when she was in school: Lunch.
Glinda: Vacations in the Caribbean, yearly.
Wicked: Dreams of vacation in the Caribbean, daily.
Glinda: House looks like the Pottery Barn catalog.
Wicked: Likes to look at the Pottery Barn catalog.
Glinda: Puts time and effort into her appearance.
Wicked: Would like to put more time into sleeping.
Glinda: Caught up on all correspondence, thank you notes, and bills.
Wicked: Still looking for stamps.
Glinda: When acquaintances approach her at the grocery store, greets them with a trademark hug and friendly conversation.
Wicked: When acquaintances approach her at the grocery store, ducks down the wine aisle to avoid them.
Glinda: Favorite saying: “For hope is but the dream of those that wake.”
Wicked: Favorite saying: “TGIF.”
Glinda: Patience of a saint, preschool teacher, and a seasonal Disneyland employee, all rolled into one.
Wicked: Patience of a two-year-old, a feral dog, and a DMV worker, all fighting at once.
Glinda: Prefers Neiman Marcus and Saks.
Wicked: Does not prefer Target and the Goodwill, but goes there anyway.
Glinda: Refuses to play silly mom-competition games because, well, she’ll win.
Wicked: Refuses to play silly mom-competition games because, well, she’ll lose.
Glinda: Never whines. Ever.
Wicked: Drinks wine. A lot.
Glinda: First one to be invited to a party.
Wicked: Last one to leave.
(“Mom’s Our Villain”)