MOVarazzi

Thursday, June 2, 2011

429. That Super-Helpful Flight Attendant

Airlines always pre-board passengers with special needs, such as wheelchair-bound, deaf, elderly, unaccompanied minors, or those traveling with seeing-eye dogs. During our pre-flight briefing in the crew office, flight attendants are given a detailed list of “specials” so we can anticipate the best way to accommodate these passengers. Typically, the crew member who is the “greeter” is the one who assists the special passengers to their seats and gives them a modified briefing before general boarding.

On this particular day, my friend Linda was the greeter. (I was in the galley setting up so I was not the designated one taking the specials to their seats.)  Since we had a lot of specials, and she was already busy briefing three unaccompanied minors, she called me up to help her.

There was a very tall, well-dressed elderly gentleman in a wheelchair. I approached him, introduced myself, and asked if there was any way he could walk at all, maybe just a little bit, so I could guide him to his seat.

“Of course I can!” he replied gruffly. Then he proceeded to stand up.

Obviously, he was fine. Why was he on Linda’s list of specials? He clearly did not need assistance.

But, I was a professional, and Linda had given this passenger to me for a reason. I would smile and help him even if it seemed like he was okay on his own.

“Sir, let me carry your small tote bag for you. Here, let me see what seat number on your ticket. Okay, 32 A. Fantastic! A window seat! I love window seats. All right. Your seat is all the way in the back. Let’s go.”

I took hold of his arm gently, and steered him in front of me in the aisle toward his seat. I was looking at the back of his very tall head.

Now, this specific aircraft was a 757, which is a narrow body (only one aisle). There were TV screens attached to the ceiling all the way from the front of the plane to the back. Due to the age of this plane, the bulky TV screens were permanently affixed in their positions and were not actually designed to retract. In order to clear the TV screens if you were very even of normal height, you would have to duck.

Which this passenger did not.

Oops! Poor guy. He was not paying attention. Probably he was just so excited to be traveling.

“Sir, are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he mumbled.

“Good,” I started, “because there is another …”

How could this guy’s family even let him travel alone? He was not bright enough to even avoid a giant TV screen staring him in the face.

This happened three more times.




Now I more fully understood the whole saying about not judging a book by its cover. Here was this guy who appeared totally normal, can walk easily, and I had been judging him. I had no idea about his mental ability (or lack thereof), and now I knew the real reason he needed assistance:  he was mentally challenged.

I finally got him situated and showed him how his seatbelt worked and pointed out the nearest emergency exits for him to use.

“See? You are right by the back galley. The door is right back there. Also, here is the flight attendant call-light if you would like some help with anything.”


He didn’t seem very appreciative. I walked back up to the front of the plane and let Linda know I’d finished getting the so-called “wheelchair” passenger into his seat.

“Thank you for helping me with him,” Linda said, “he seemed really nice.”

Before I had a chance to tell her about all the TV screens, the gate agent walked up.

“Are you ladies ready to board the rest of the passengers now?” he asked.

“Sure,” I replied. 

Just then, the flight attendant call-light went off.  Linda turned to me, then pointed toward seat 32 A at the very back of the plane.

“MOV, I think that’s your passenger calling, the nice gentleman you just helped?” she said, “You know ... the blind one.”

MOV

23 comments:

  1. BWAHAHAHA this was a good one. I literally laughed out loud throughout the whole thing. Poor guy!!

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  2. Oh, I didn't see that one coming. (no pun intended)

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  3. Oh what a bad, bad, hilarious joke. so well written and so comically drawn! high dive, MOV!

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  4. Kathy, Le'Ann, and Megan,

    Glad I could make you laugh! Wait 'til you see the story I have brewing for tomorrow's blog.

    best,
    MOV

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  5. All I kept saying as I realized his "special need" was "Oh no, oh no, oh no..." I would have been so mortified! But it was a funny story, particularly the pictures of the poor guy bumping his head on the TVs lol.

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  6. i do have one critique, MOV. your boobs are a little high and lop-sided in that last picture. not that i know what your boobs look like, but when i imagine what they would look like, it's not like that, and it's not around your neck. not that i am imagining what your boobs look like. or your neck.

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  7. oh, Megan, you goofy girl! the navy blue thing on my neck is supposed to be the stereotypical flight attendant scarf, and the black skinny bent things are my arms and elbows, and the little round things are my hands. It is hard to draw on the computer!! If you want to critique anything, go back and look at my feet (and the blind passenger's feet in the last pic).

    I almost forgot to draw the passenger's carry-on tote in the last pic, so I had to go back and add that too.

    =O

    best,
    MOV

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  8. Oh. My. Word. This story had me crying on the couch, laughing so hard. I sent the link to my husband. I love this.

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  9. I'm a very recent fan of your's, but I must say, if you're any funnier than this I might cough my lungs up. I seriously just laughed out loud so hard, to the point of tears. If I was in public reading this, I'd fear other people would think I was insane. Count me in as a new regular!! -B

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  10. Thanks, Becky! Thanks, B! I have quite a few flight attendant stories to unearth, so I just might dust a few off and post them in the near future. :) Always ecstatic to have new readers!!!

    best,
    MOV

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  11. Count me among the new regulars...always enjoy a good laugh out loud, spit tea all over the screen blog post...I'm sure you have some good stories to share with us about air travel from the flight crew's perspective. Oye!

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  12. Thanks, Joan! Welcome to my blog. I always love a little bit of tea spit on the computer screen. Keep reading, and keep laughing! :)

    Best,
    MOV

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  13. Thanks for reading, Greener Pastures. :) I clicked on your blog, and it looks great. Based on your recent house-hunting adventures, I think you would like this post I wrote about buying/ moving, etc:
    http://mothersofbrothersblog.blogspot.com/2011/05/404-we-live-there-and-there-and-there.html

    best,
    MOV

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  14. OH MY F-------- THIS IS ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS I'VE EVER READ.

    You just let a blind guy keep smashing his head. And he said nothing?

    OHHHHHHHHHHHhh mahhhh goooohhhhh peeing my pants :)

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  15. The true comedic factor here is we always judge a book by its cover, even though we all profess otherwise! haha Great story!

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  16. Oh my GOD! Hahahahahaha! All in a day's work? :)

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  17. I was about to say it was like my friend Joe that smashed his head on the way up and down our stairs, EVERY TIME he went on them. Then I found out that your passenger was blind, and it blew everything out of the water. I guess Joe was just simple.

    http://www.changethetopic.com

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  18. This needs to be a movie. Or a page in the How To Be A Flight Attendant manual. Loved it :)

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  19. Haha you got me with the last line. I bet you would never run out of stories to tell of your flight days.

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  20. I laughed so hard I peed my pants. You need a disclaimer at the top of this post: Put on your big girl depends.

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