Friday, December 17, 2010

259. Why I Can Never Twitter

Oh, so many reasons. Where do I begin? First of all, I don’t have a special device for twitting like a blueberry or iPanda or anything like that. Second, and most importantly, I am not a movie star/ nor Hollywood wannabe who actually has a life others would want to monitor every 15 minutes. My life might be, uh, a bit of a snoozer for the uninitiated.

Just for kicks, let’s compare and contrast Tori Spelling’s Typical Day a la twitter with MOV’s Typical Day. (Go ahead and guess which one sounds like more fun.)

Tori: 6:45 AM ___________________ (still sleeping)
MOV: running around like a crazy person trying to get breakfast/ laundry/ kids up/ kids dressed/ homework done/ everyone out the door in time for school bus.

Tori: 9 AM Hi Guys! Just roled out of bed, decided not to sleep in today after all. Meeting persnel traner/ yoga instructer in a few couple minutes. First, a big cup of herbal tea (from Paris!).
MOV: just polished off 3rd double espresso after doing 8th load of laundry—already behind. None of the socks are in the right pairs. = (   

Tori: 11 AM Now I’m at Fred Segal trying on skinny jeens—they’re all too big! LOL. My hubby tells me I should get some custim-made, looks like he’s right.
MOV: Crying tears of desperation as I remove fat jeans from dryer and realize they have shrunk from extra-hot setting. I do not have time to go to Target to buy more.

Tori: 2 PM Geting ready to meet up with my agent, she will let me know if we’re on target for my newest book’s sales! (last 2 were on NY Timz Best Seller List!)
MOV: Scrambling to finish buying groceries and running errands before kids get home. Dawns on me that Tall left his homework about New York on the dining room table. Again.

Tori: 4 PM Tragidy struck. Evening part-time nany. Called in sick. Not realy sure I believe her her. This sucks becuz wer’e supposed to go to Gala Red Carpet event tonite in a few hours.
MOV: Kids just got off the bus. I have a little time with them to play and do a snack (hey! who spilled something red on the carpet?) before I have to zip out the door to my part-time job at the high-end kitchen store.

Tori: 6 PM Hubby’s mom saves the day. Coming over to babysitter. Thank God. I'll show her what we have in the kitchen to make for the kids’ dinner later.
MOV: Late for work again.

Tori: 9:30 PM The evening is just getting started and we have been doing vodka shots! So much fun!
MOV: We are open late for holiday hours; I’m not having fun—feel like I’ve been shot.

Tori: 11 PM Yikes! Just realised forgot to reschecule my manicure apptmt with Misty for tomorow!
MOV: Yikes! Just realized I have to get up and do all this over again tomorrow!

Okay, other than the fact that Tori has atrocious spelling and grammar (really, Tori? Your book is on the New York Times Best Seller List and you can’t be bothered to spell “Times” correctly?), I’d say she’s leading the more glamorous life today. So she can twit all she want, and I will just keep my thoughts where they belong: to myself.

P.S. Of note: I looked up “twit” in the dictionary and it's defined as “a reproach or taunt”. Sounds about right.

(“My Only Victory”)


  1. hmmm....are you sure you're only using 140 characters

  2. i think i need on of those iPandas... then maybe my mama life will be worth tweetling about!


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