502. Starbucks Is The Best

I never set out to write ads or turn my blog into a money-making venture, so it came as somewhat of a surprise when Howard Schultz, the CEO of Starbucks, contacted me yesterday and asked me to write a blog-ad (“blad”) about Starbucks coffee.

“Is this MOV?” he asked into the phone.

“Yes.”

“This is Mr. Schultz, and I hear you like Starbucks, and that you write a blog.  How would you like to do both at the same time?”

I had tried many, many times to drink Starbucks and write simultaneously, and it mostly just resulted in me knocking over my coffee and my keyboard shorting out.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Schultz, but I think you have the wrong person. I never do ads. It is against my religion, against my aesthetic, and against my readers’ positive perception of me as ad-free.”

“I will pay you one million dollars, plus a month’s worth of free coffee.”

“I was just thinking how I should revise my aesthetic. When do you need the blog posted by?”

(Lucky for me that Mr. Schultz doesn’t know I would’ve done it just for the free coffee.)

MOV