Friday, February 28, 2014

987. How I Lost Lots of Weight Fast and You Can Too

The past few days I have been surrounded by admirers telling me how skinny I look and how my clothes seem like they are just hanging on me.  I love this sort of thing, especially since I have not actually lost and a single ounce.  People ask me my secret and then I ramble on and on about how it was a lot of dieting and hard work at the gym.
I am lying.    
My secret is that I went to Macy’s and bought clothes three sizes too big.  The clothes literally swallow me up.  I look like Kate Moss, but without the scowl. 
I walk around the house and my new jeans slide down my hips a little.  So I reach for the chocolate cake. 
I figure I earned it. 


  1. This is right. Clothes talk louder when they're right! :)

    1. My clothes are always right. They take after me. ;)

  2. That's cheating. You're totally cheating. Also, you are a genius.

  3. I also think that mu-mus and house dresses may be underrated!

  4. That's a way better idea than taking up running again.


  5. Oh, that's really dangerous! What if they start to fit?

  6. That *just* might work!! I think I'll do it!

    But I also fear the day when the clothes are no longer 3 sizes too big. :|

  7. Genius! You have got an amazing sense of humor!

  8. Well played my friend. I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am an Extra Large, and no longer Regular Large. But you know what they say,
    Extra Large is the new Regular Large.

    They really don't say that, I'm just getting fat. Aaaaaand now I'm going to go to Denny's.

  9. I am considering wearing my husband's stuff, even bigger then those weenie, hipster boyfriend jeans.

  10. Best diet plan ever. I am off to Macy's.


When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)