Sunday, May 26, 2013

966. An Open Letter to My Mailman

Dear Mailman Postal Delivery Carrier,

Was it the heavy catalogs?  I need to know.  I am writing you on behalf of myself and my husband because we are flummoxed puzzled frustrated irritated annoyed wondering why you have repeatedly delivered our mail to the dead person living next door who used to reside next door.  I have met the new owner, and although she has fabulous renovation plans for the house, she and her family will not be moving in for at least 6 months.  She alone has the key to the place, no one else has the key.  This means that when you drop my mail through the mail-slot in the actual door and deposit the mail (my mail!) directly onto her entry way floor, I cannot always reach the mail (my mail!  did I mention?) with my hand or even a stick with gum on the end of it (believe me, I have tried), and so I am forced to call the new owner and sometimes it might take days to get ahold of her.     
Please can you maybe possibly buy some glasses and try to read the actual address and attempt to deliver the mail to the correct address so that my American Express bill does not sit over there for weeks next to my Netflix movie, mocking me?  I like to get my mail in a timely manner, as do most human beings, and possibly even dead people.

I am very appreciative of all your hard work and I am sure that your job is stressful what with the yappy dogs and all, but there is no need to take it out on me.  I would still like to get my mail.    
Thank you in advance for your attention in this matter. 

Best Regards,
P.S. There is no friggin way I am baking you cookies at Christmas time this year, just so we’re clear. 


  1. Ha ha ha! Shame he can't read (this).

  2. Hehehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The dead person...!!

    1. pretty sad when the dead person gets more mail than I do...

  3. What in the world?! Does your postal carrier have trouble with house numbers? That is just weird. Maybe you could try a vacuum hose to suck the mail closer to the slot so you can grab it?

    1. ooooooooh, I totally like the vacuum idea! I will have to try it.

  4. We had an idiot mail carrier once. He was constantly giving us our mail along with two of our neighbors. We eventually had to put up a sign next to our mail box saying the other people didn't live here. I guess that's better than having your mail put into a locked empty house though.


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