MOVarazzi

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

938. N Is for Not Blond Enough

As a small child, I used to be blond.  When I became a teenager, I attempted to help genetics along with lemon juice or Sun-In, a popular (and possibly now illegal) chemical spray to help the sun bleach out my by-then-mousy locks. 

In college, I was firmly committed to the blondness strategy that would come to rule the next decade of my life.  Go to the hairdresser, get professional highlights, pay crazy amounts of money.  This ritual happened several times a year, whenever my roots became so brown that I couldn’t accept it any longer. 
When you live in California and you go to the hairdresser as often as I did, you end up looking pretty darned blond.  I am not talking Marilyn-Monroe-peroxide-bleach-blond, but at least in the family of Cameron Diaz or Reese Witherspoon. 

Then I moved to the East Coast.  Suddenly, the hairdressers I went to could not understand the Blondness Language I was speaking.      
“I want all-over heavy blond highlights.  Here, like this photo of Gwyneth Paltrow.” 

“So, MOV, you’re saying you want me to weave some darker brown strands throughout to add some dimension and tone down the excessive bleachiness?”
This ugly pattern has continued for the past eight years:  Find a new hairdresser, make an appointment, beg for blond, walk out with Julia Roberts’ dark blond hair instead of the Charlize Theron tresses I was born to have. 

*Sigh.* 
It happened again today with a new hairdresser.  The result is that my roots are no longer gray, but neither am I the blond bombshell I was hoping for.  I wait for The Husband to get home from work so I can show him my new highlights.  He walks in the door, takes one look at me and says,

“Oh, so I see you cancelled your hair appointment.” 
Yeah.  That is his reaction.  I get indignant and show him how there are no more gray hairs on top, but he does not really notice either way. 

At night, when I put Short to bed, he leans in to hug me.  He studies my face for a minute and then declares,
“Mommy, you know what would make you prettier?  If your hair was blond.”

Yep.  I know. 

MOV 

27 comments:

  1. LOL! Just be grateful you can do blonde! I have the double whammie of dark brown hair and sallow skin. No blonde for me unfortunately, I'd never be able to pull it off even if I could get my hair to cooperate.

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    1. I bravely tried red once, and it looked really really great.

      For one day. They the fading began. Oh, bad.

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  2. Here's the deal: I was platinum blonde (naturally) until I was about 25. Then I was just blonde. Now (at 53), I am dark blonde. No gray. No gray anywhere. So folks are always asking me who I go to for my hair color. Is it wrong to answer "God"?

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    1. is this the part where I stop speaking to you?

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    2. (*stewing in jealousy*)

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  3. I do not believe in "being too blond", I am so blond now that the grey roots barely show when I go every 4 weeks for my touch up and highlights.

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    1. see? I need to do every 4 weeks. I think that is the key.

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  4. Oh man! Kids are so honest. I'm too financially challenged to have a hairdresser color my hair so I do it myself, including the highlights. Then, I can only blame myself if my hair looks crazy. ha! As a small child I was blonde, then my hair turned brown, then auburn and now it can be whatever I want it to be! Take that, hair!

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    1. ha! "financially challenged"-- I love that phrase!

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  5. I have been blond all my life. Now it is gray but not the gray/gray, the blondish gray. I used to make it blonder but trying to match the not gray did not work. Still, you will never convince me that my hair is any other color than blond and it's what my drivers license will say forever.

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  6. I was blonde as a small child then gradually went darker and was mousey by the time I hit my teens. Rebelled at 17 and went properly blonde with a home lightening kit and have been blonde ever since. If it comes out a bit too light when I do my roots I just put a wash-in wash-out shampoo colour on it to tone it down a bit. Best thing about being blonde, if I want a temporary change I can be any colour I want to be!

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    1. ........ and I am off to the drug store to buy a home coloring kit.

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  7. I'm stuck on blonds, I'm ashamed to admit. I think they are like pennies from heaven.

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  8. Hee hee, I love your stories. I used sun in years ago and it got me addicted to highlights. You can still get it! I looked the other day. I went to the hairdresser in the US the other day, my first visit since leaving the UK, I asked for caramel/honey highlights, I got ash highlights which look grey! I'm not old enough for grey hair...I've been sitting in the sun as much as possible to try and get my highlights the right colour. I've never been completely blonde but like a mixture, it brightens you up!

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    1. thank you for your kind words! it is super-gratifying when people tell me they "love my stories." :)

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  9. Somehow the blond bombshell hair doesn't really go with my senior citizen wrinkled face!

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    1. ha! you can do whatever you want now, you have earned it!

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  10. I'd like to say 'keep looking, your ideal hairdresser is out there somewhere' but sadly I fear hairdressers have their own agendas and that to get the perfect blonde you'll have to travel way back over to California. On the plus side, I'm sure your highlights offer a lovely depth to your blonde-no-grey hair.

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    1. *sniff* It is true......... I will have to find someone in California.

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  11. Seriously the kiddo gets major points for opting to use the word "prettier"!!! It's like somebody saying: "did you get skinnier?"

    First time visited here. I came over from Young Goodman Brown. Wicked cute stuff you've got here!

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    1. thanks! and thanks to Youngman Brown for the shout-out. He is like that really awesome nephew I never had.......

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  12. Ooh that's frustrating! I guess a trip is in order every couple of months:P

    I have a similar problem, hair dressers always want to cut all my hair off. Not one of them understands the term-one inch only!-grumble grumble

    Aww well, when you do find a good hairdresser who listens to you, you'll be super super happy:)

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    1. that is true about the one inch thing, isn't it? I think their instructors give them a different type of "ruler" in hair-cutting school, where one normal inch equals five haircutting inches. Sort of like "I once caught a fish thhhiiiiisssssssssss big."

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  13. Like you I was super blonde as a kid. As I aged, my hair went from blonde to dirty blonde to mud brown. I've embraced the color though. Sort of. If embracing the new color means I'm totally going red. Or reddish brown. Or maybe I'll just let the grey take over!!

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    1. I have accidentally let the grey take over, and it isn't pretty!

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When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)