MOVarazzi

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

926. B Is for Blog to Book (and Book Excerpt)

I have been writing my blog for almost three years.  Last year, I contacted another blogger, Marianne Walsh at We Band of Mothers, and asked her if she wanted to write a book with me based on our blogs.  She did, and the result is the 280-page Epic Mom:  Failing Every Day a Little Bit More Than You (available on Amazon).  I am very proud of our new book (makes a great Mother’s Day present!), and have decided to run a short excerpt for you here:      

"Why I Love My New Job"
I started my new top-secret job recently.  I can’t tell you exactly what it is, but I am at liberty to reveal that I work in a medical facility.  I noticed on my very first day that pretty much all the medical-type people are wearing scrubs, and even though my particular job would not typically be classified as “medicalish,” I decided to take a chance and ask my supervisor if it would be okay if I wore scrubs, too. 

My supervisor thought about my request for an appropriate amount of time (two seconds, possibly three) then said decisively, “I don’t care one way or another.” 
That means I get to wear scrubs! 

Have you ever worn scrubs?  They’re like pajamas! 
I immediately went out and bought a couple of sets.  I was ultra-worried that the uniform people at the Uniform Selling Place would ask for my non-existent medicalish ID badge before letting me walk into the store and try on anything.  Nope.  I thought the clerk would say, “Ma’am?  I need a notarized letter from your boss and a copy of your last three paychecks verifying that you do, indeed, work in a medical kind of place.”  She didn’t.  Instead, she said, “We take Visa, Mastercard, American Express, personal checks with a valid driver’s license, and layaway.” 

The Husband was irritated when I got home from the Uniform Selling Place. 
He took one look at the bulging shopping bag and said, “Oh, God, what sort of scheme is it this time?” 

“I told you, I was picking up my new uniform.” 
“Uniform?  Ha!  Uniform makes it sound like that’s what they wanted you to wear.  You casually mention to your supervisor that you want to wear scrubs and they say whatever, and next thing you know—more random clothes clogging up your closet.” 

“These are not random clothes.  These are my scrubs.”  I said the word scrubs like one might say diamond tiara if one were, say, Princess Kate Middleton. 
Sure enough, the other parents at the bus-stop noticed my officially officialish medicalia attire right away. 

“Halloween is not for a few more weeks, right?” I heard one bus-stop mom whisper to another. 
“This is not a costume,” I corrected.  (Working in the medical building doing important non-medical things had apparently enhanced my hearing.)  “I work in a medical facility.” 

I could tell by her face she was waiting for me to elaborate.  She wanted me to say something like, “I am secretly a podiatrist,” or “I perform open-heart surgery on my days off from the high-end kitchen store,” or “I am studying to be a manicurist at a fancy day spa.” 
Instead, I gave her an enigmatic smile, a smile that said, Hon, you can fill in the blanks for yourself. 

A new level of respect surrounded me at the bus-stop, a level that reverberated, “MOV is obviously super-duper-magruper smart, because she works at some sort of medical kind of office, and she wears scrubs!” 
I braced myself for the questions that I knew would follow, questions like, “MOV, Tyler’s had a nasty cough for over a week, do you think it’s bronchitis?” or “Could you give me a second opinion on this suspicious mole on my ankle?” or “Does this mean you won’t be driving the soccer carpool on Thursday afternoons anymore?” 

Even though I was armed with answers to those questions (yes, no, yes), they knew better than to use up all their questions the very first time they saw me in uniform.  They decided to pace themselves and save most (okay:  all) of their questions for another day.
I spent the better part of 20 minutes lovingly ironing my precious scrubs this evening so they would be spectacularly medically beauteous for tomorrow morning.  I imagined this was precisely George Clooney's evening routine when he was starring in ER.  

“You know you can just toss those in the dryer on high and all the wrinkles will come out on their own?” inquired The Husband helpfully right when I was finishing up.  “I thought that is why you bought them:  the minimal care required.” 
The Husband does know me well.  I like things with minimal care required, things like invisible dogs and second homes that don’t exist but The Husband and I talk about as if they do (“Oh, sorry, I’d love to help out on that school volunteer project fundraiser, but we’ll actually be at our second home in Portugal that week.”)  But he forgot one crucial detail:  Looking smart trumps minimal care. 

I just went online and ordered two new accessories to keep them guessing at the bus stop.  I figure I can wear these items every day with my scrubs:  spy glasses and a helmet.    
MOV
Author’s note:  I no longer have the job.  It seems wearing scrubs was the only good thing about it.
 

35 comments:

  1. hahaha - I love scrubs - Greys anatomy and Nurse Jackie seem to have made them a fashion statement - but I wouldn't necessarily sit next to someone that had them on still, on the bus at the end of the day - they carry lots of germs home from some medical facilities - so do shoes.

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    1. Ah, good point! But I actually meant that I wore them to take the kids to the bus in the morning. However, given how comfortable the scrubs were, I am truly surprised at my self-control not to wear my scrubs 24/7. I actually got rid of them, but now you are making me miss them.

      *sniff*

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  2. There's nothing like a uniform to make you feel official.

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  3. Now that's a cute story, love snappy humor:)

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    1. thanks, Vicki! come back to read more!

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  4. Scrubs do look very comfy. I'm afraid I couldn't wear them to my job, however. I think I'd get some very strange comments. At my youngest son's daycare one teacher used to wear scrubs, or at least the top, to work. It made a lot of sense to me. Kids are messy and you don't really want to ruin any of your "regular" clothes with some of that kind of mess.

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    1. hmmmmmmmm........ maybe all teachers should wear scrubs

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  5. I had to delete my last comment because of a big fat typo. Sorry. Anyway, I was saying we must have read each others' minds, because my post for the letter B is also employment-related. It's only day 2 of the A-Z Challenge and crazy things are already happening...

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    1. loved your post! everyone stop reading here and go over to Haley's post, it is way funnier than mine.

      www.haleyscomic.com

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  6. Love this story - I used to be a non-medically person in a medical place, too, but they wouldn't let me wear scrubs. I got so mad, I quit. Five years later.

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    1. you were smart to quit. five years later.

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  7. Oh goodness! It's one of my dreams to be able to write in a humorous way. So far, it hasn't quite worked out!

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  8. Wonderful, wonderful wonderfulness!!! Superb! And also very funny! Oh, those curious moms at the bus stop...*snicker*

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  9. I've been wearing scrubs as pajamas for a decade. I do not iron them.

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  10. I've never worn scrubs but any job that lets you hang out in pjs all day is a good job in my book!!

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    1. umm, does that mean I could be an official pillow tester? "This pillow is a little bit too squishy, let me try the next one......."

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  11. I am afraid if I bought scrubs, there would not be enough delineation between pjs and clothing to inspire me to ever change my clothes!

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    1. ha! maybe that is the point? be comfy all the time?

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  12. The nice thing about retirement (well, one of many nice things) is that my uniform can be pajamas! Thanks for stopping by to visit my blog. I signed up to follow and am looking forward to reading more of your writing.
    Jann at http://Benchmark 60.blogspot.com

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  13. This has inspired me. I think I'm going to get me a policeman's uniform and start wearing it everywhere I go. I can't see anything going wrong with that.

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    1. OMG, you totally get me.

      bwahahahhahahahahahahahahahah

      everyone stop reading my blog and go read Christian's, it is way funnier than mine:

      http://pointcounterpointpointpoint.blogspot.com/

      go there now! why are you still here?

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  14. Really nice blog MOV. KEEP 'em coming! ;)

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  15. Wearing scrubs is great though. I had a job once where I could wear scrubs, and they are the most comfortable office wear ever!

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    1. mmmmmmmmmm. I agree. Now I want to take a nap.

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  16. I have thought about buying scrubs at times. Unmatching though. They look so comfortable. Enjoyed your post. Got you bookmarked.

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    1. unmatching. I like that. but I would wear light blue bottoms and aqua top, so it looks like the mistake was inadvertent, and then if someone commented, I would totally say, no I meant to do that.

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  17. Hilarious - again - my sides hurt! If your in the mood for some parenting humor, check out "Shopping Cart DareDevils" on my blog - My sister has twin boys - need I say more:)

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  18. I love your book. This one's even funnier the second time.

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When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)