MOVarazzi

Friday, March 1, 2013

910. Bathroom Etiquette

When people ask to use the bathroom, I tell them it is broken and that I just called the plumber and he is on the way. 

It is a lie. 
The truth is, we haven’t cleaned the bathroom since 1997 and I am embarrassed to have anyone who does not have the same last name as me go in there. 

People see through my lies and buy me nice gifts, gifts like industrial-strength Comet or sponges or Windex.  I put them in the Goodwill box, along with my dignity, pride, and former size 6 body. 
I don’t want to clean the bathroom. 

And I don’t want to have guests over. 
Ever. 

I want to live in a hotel, full-time.  A nice, high-end hotel, with really great room service and a jetted tub and a down comforter that makes a “foosh” sound when you plop on top of it.  The hotel could have a view, or a pool, or a view of a pool.  I am not picky. 
Oh, yeah, and really clean bathrooms. 

Unless theirs is broken and the plumber is on the way. 
MOV

16 comments:

  1. Your hotel might also have bed bugs. It seems to be an increasingly common problem.

    You're welcome.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. Ha! another thing I never considered........

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  2. I am all for living in hotels. When my daughter got out of college she moved into an apartment at the Chase Park Plaza in St. Louis. I used to come and stay with her and say it was because I loved seeing her. (not entirely a lie) But how could you not love going down the elevator and having a concierge want to do your bidding, or order room service every night for supper, or work out in the gym and stop at the coffee shop for a latte. It's heaven. All of a sudden I am hating my house.

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    1. mmmmmmmm...... concierge to do my bidding. say no more.

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  3. LOL; I think I'd go with a maid if I could afford one. I don't think our bathroom has been cleaned in a year or so......I'm on strike with cleaning so I think the last time I cleaned anything was Christmas 2011 (I kid you not). (I'm on strike because I work 40 hours a week, hubby works 10-15 hours a week so I think he should be doing more of the cleaning.......)

    But I do like your strategy of saying the bathroom is broken; I'll have to consider that excuse :)

    happy weekend

    betty

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  4. I will share my secret with you. Hire.a.cleaning.woman.

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    1. First, I might need to get a job? I am currently unemployed, which makes The Husband shake his head and say that I should clean the bathroom. But I only get it 25% dirty, so what about the other 75% of the people in our household?
      (this begs the question: when is "old enough" for a small child to windex for me????)

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  5. When I got this post in my email there was an ad for Merry Maids next to it. True Story. I think Google reads your posts.

    My bathroom is held together with soap scum and mineral deposits. Washing anything might result in a catastrophe.

    P.S. I hate the dishes. Hotel rooms don't have kitchens. When are we moving?

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    1. we can totally move in today. I will supply the Girl Scout cookies so we do not have to starve while waiting for room service......

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  6. Clorox wipes do an excellent job of giving the illusion of a clean bathroom! (or so I've heard)

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    1. I will write that down! I have heard you might be an expert......

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  7. How funny, I just wrote a post about chores. So the first thing I thought when I read this was - get the boys to clean the bathroom ;)
    But I also know that is easier said than done.
    I'd take a Marriott or Hilton over cleaning any day.

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    Replies
    1. ha! off to read your post.......

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  8. I am ALL ABOUT the Clorox wipes! I buy them in bulk. (Seriously.)

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When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)