MOVarazzi

Friday, August 3, 2012

824. The Moving Olympics

Since watching the Olympics on TV, I have come to realize that I am also a highly trained Olympic athlete.  Although I would prefer to be remembered in the sports Hall of Fame or record books for my impressive skills in synchronized diving or better yet, women’s beach volleyball, it looks like I cannot deny my one true area of expertise:  Moving. 

The Husband and I have owned three houses in less than ten years.  And before that, we lived in three different apartments in three years.  Growing up, my step-dad was in the military which necessitated about 50 gazillion moves, plus corresponding schools and endless taunts of being the “New Girl.”  I transferred colleges twice, and I participated in study abroad in three different countries.      
I could pack a box.  I could zip an overstuffed suitcase.  I could weed through months and possibly years of accumulated possessions and make snap decisions about the worthiness of keeping specific items (“When in doubt, throw it out” became the mantra of my childhood).  I knew the best way to protect an antique armoire (by wrapping it in moving blankets and securing it with Saran Wrap purchased in industrial rolls).  I could Windex and Comet an apartment within an inch of its life to get my security deposit back.   

There were times when I knew I should turn pro. 


Yet I continued not to brag about my gift for finding free cardboard boxes in the Starbucks dumpster.  I never got out the stop-watch to time my box-taping skill.  I did not reveal to random strangers that I had a stack of Post Office official change of address forms permanently in my glove compartment, nor that Samsonite now gave me a frequent-buyer discount.  I was very good at blending in with the rest of the more stable population.

Most people did not know my secret.  As a United Airlines flight attendant, it was easy to hide my extensive training regime of Moving from my 10,000 co-workers, for the simple reason that I would most likely never fly with them again, and if I did, they certainly would not remember my unique living situation.  (Besides, most of them would not really be surprised to learn that I had been based in Denver, Newark, Seattle, Washington DC, San Francisco, and L.A.  If there had been a base on the Moon, I would have applied for it.)   
My family did nothing to deter my Moving addiction.  In fact, they fueled it.  My dad started cutting out “Home for Sale by Owner” ads in his local newspaper and mailing them to me, along with not-so-subtle notes:  “Have you considered buying property in Denver?” or “Do you like to ski?” 

Well-meaning friends would send me innocent postcards:  “Having a great time in Maui!  Wish you were here!”  The Husband began ripping these messages to shreds before I got to the mailbox.  He knew it would only be a matter of time before I was pricing out shipping charges on, well, a ship.
But there is one main reason I do not broadcast my God-given Olympic ability to Move.  Once everyone knows you area a Moving expert, they have one question for you and one question only: 

“Can I borrow your truck?”
MOV   

20 comments:

  1. Ahh, MOV, ya know I adore you but now it appears I am your biggest rival. We are the Lochte and Phelps of moving. I moved 36 times (can't match your 50 gazillion) as a kid but I think I have you beat on adult moves. I have 21 moves in 40 years. I have lost count as to the number of colleges I have attended classes in but it is a shit-load. (just a small example of my high level of language skills via attending multiple schools)

    I have progressed way past diving into dumpsters for boxes. I have developed a sob story that melts the hearts of retailers that makes them inclined to save boxes for weeks for me...even if it is against company policy.

    I buy rolls of white paper and rolls of moving tape in bulk. I now have enough to actually start my own moving company. (I won't as I am lazy and don't want to actually pick up something heavy)

    ALSO...we might be in a dead heat as far as packing up a house but I am confident that Hubby and I will kick your ass in unpacking and having the house completely in order in 48 hours or less. Our last move took two trucks. One 53 footer and one 48 footer. We had house beautiful in 46 hours. Bring it on MOV.

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  2. I've only moved 4 times in my entire life; I am certainly not an expert. If you need someone to pack a car for a camping trip though, I'm your girl. I am the champion of car trunk tetris-ing.

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  3. Or will you help pack me up! Sadly, I was the opposite and always longed to be transient. What adventures you've had and we could definitely live vicariously through you! More stories please!

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  4. I fear change...I am in awe!

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  5. Wow, moving is not my thing. I've not done it much, but the one I always remember is moving out of my student flat and in with my wife (fiancee at the time), because I cleaned harder than I ever have in my life. Yes, it was definitely a bachelor pad.

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  6. I already have the gold medal in that. Also the bronze. Oh, and the silver.

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    1. Tracie, I knew you would. You crack me up. :)

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  7. I'm not a mover, I still have boxes and pictures to hang from my last move which is over 2 years now from a house I lived in for 16 years but hey this is my last move so i am taking my time unpacking hahaha. i admire your ability to just roll with it all BRAVO

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  8. Very brave, I don't like moving at all. Mostly because of the packing/unpacking. I never seem to get to those last few boxes...

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  9. Packing and Unpacking....Moving.....Ugghh! NO LIKE!

    P.S.- I just went onto Amazon to order a new case for my phone, and also ordered a book. YOUR BOOK!!!! I have been meaning to do that since I started following you. Gotta show support ;)

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    1. J.R., Thank you! I hope you like it. I really appreciate your support.

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  10. I moved 15 times during 30 years of marriage. Now that I'm divorced, I might stay in one place. The dogs prefer it. Besides, the value of my house has dropped so much that I can't afford to sell it.

    Love,
    Janie

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  11. The idea of moving freaks me out. I have to much junk in my room to know what to do with! I find packing a suitcase hard enough :/

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  12. I have a hard time just moving from room to room.

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  13. And you just know that if Moving was an Olympic event it wouldn't be long before the Olympic committee cheapened it by adding a Synchronized Moving event.

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  14. I am very envious of your mad moving skillz because I DESPISE packing. There, I said it. I don't like moving, ever. But, if I have to move, maybe I could ply you with wine and chocolate and you'd pack for me? Pretty please? :-)

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    1. You just said the magic words (wine and chocolate). ha!

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  15. I once fit a two bedroom apartment (minus furniture) in a four door sedan! I had a perfectly carved out space that fit my 5'2" frame and nothing more as I drove 22 hours toward my new home. Each time I stopped for gas or food I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get back in the car!

    Princess WeeWee

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    1. OMG, been there! when I was moving away from college, I literally had to wedge myself in and out of the car when I would stop to buy gas or for a bathroom break. If the air bag had deployed, it would have killed me!

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When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)