Oakley: MOV, I’m sorry that I stole all your favorite Barbies and ruined them by playing with them outside in the mud with scissors and matches.MOV: I accept your apology.
Oakley: Good.MOV: You shouldn’t have done it though.
Oakley: I know. That’s why I just said I’m sorry.MOV: Right.
Oakley: I will help you clean them off.MOV: You should probably buy me new ones.
Oakley: I said I was sorry. Are we done here?MOV: Yeah, but I hope you feel bad.
So it should come as no surprise that writing a blog was a perfect fit for me: I would write a story, people would comment on it and then I would have a chance to comment back! It was me and Oakley all over again but without the petty arson.
People could give their opinions (something along the lines of “I used to read Hemingway, but I much prefer your writing style, MOV, and anyway Hemingway is dead so he is not producing much fresh material now”), and then I would say an effusive “Thank you!” complete with smiley face parenthesis mouth and colon eyeballs. This would show them that I wasn’t being sarcastic and that the smiley face was real, and that if they were standing next to me by my desk and watching me read their comments and type my response on the keyboard, they would see that I was actually truly smiling.See? You make me happy. Your comments are like wine rolled in Nutella and Oreo cookie crumbs and sprinkled with hundred dollar bills. But you know, not as sticky.
(And speaking of comments, I left that exact same comment on my friend Tracie at CRACK YOU WHIP ’s blog a few minutes ago. Because she is that awesome.)So comments are fabulous. We all know that. Unless they are spam. And then they are written by recent college grads working in India for 50 cents a day at what their friends and family consider “a good job” when in fact all they do is cruise the Internet in an un-air-conditioned cubicle they share with five other people while doing key word searches and not even reading your blog post yet pasting in comments like “What you are saying is good and relevant, I will check into it, thank you for the information! Please visit my website as well about how to invest in Poodles for television.”
Who am I to tell the proud parents of Sanjay that their son has a job that is pretty much the cyber equivalent to picking up trash on the side of the freeway while wearing one of those orange polyester suits? Only those people get to work outside and breathe in fresh sunshine while hogging up extra doses of natural Vitamin D and living longer, so that might actually be a better job come to think of it.
My point is: I will not be responding to all of your individual comments anymore.Please do not get the wrong idea about me. I adore your comments. When The Husband proposed to me at a fairy tale castle in Europe and I said yes and we immediately began planning our wedding? Yes, I was happy. And your comments on the happiness scale make me almost exactly that happy.
But the commenting back to each and every one of your comments was taking up a lot of valuable time, time that might be better spent writing a new blog post or commenting on your blog.I did what I always do when faced with a potentially life-changing dilemma: I went online to look at useless statistics to back me up. It has been proven that 100% of little sisters steal their sister's Barbies and that less than 0% of commenters ever go back and read the response comments. Less than zero! That is like, if you had a room full of 1000 people: no one.
So, if you leave me a comment, know that there is a chance that I might comment back. But please don’t have hurt feelings if I don’t. It does not mean that I love you any less. I actually love you MORE for being so understanding about it. So the less I comment to your comments, the MORE I love you! See how I have grown and matured and don't necessarily have to have the last word anymore?
And, of course, I will still read and treasure every single comment. Some I even print out, laminate, and frame or make into mini-keychains to remind me of your loyalty. THANK YOU!!! I LOVE MY READERS!!!MOV
p.s Thank you to Stephanie at Clay Baboons for giving me the courage to write this. At the end of her latest post, she reveals her similar "I am sorry I cannot comment on every comment" stance.