Thursday, July 5, 2012

810. No Comment

When I was growing up, I was the type of person who had to have the last word.  If my sister and I got in a fight and my mom forced her to apologize, it would go something like this: 

Oakley:  MOV, I’m sorry that I stole all your favorite Barbies and ruined them by playing with them outside in the mud with scissors and matches.     
MOV:  I accept your apology.    

Oakley:  Good. 
MOV:  You shouldn’t have done it though. 

Oakley:  I know.  That’s why I just said I’m sorry. 
MOV:  Right. 

Oakley:  I will help you clean them off. 
MOV:  You should probably buy me new ones. 

Oakley:  I said I was sorry.  Are we done here? 
MOV:  Yeah, but I hope you feel bad. 

So it should come as no surprise that writing a blog was a perfect fit for me:  I would write a story, people would comment on it and then I would have a chance to comment back!  It was me and Oakley all over again but without the petty arson. 
People could give their opinions (something along the lines of “I used to read Hemingway, but I much prefer your writing style, MOV, and anyway Hemingway is dead so he is not producing much fresh material now”), and then I would say an effusive “Thank you!” complete with smiley face parenthesis mouth and colon eyeballs.  This would show them that I wasn’t being sarcastic and that the smiley face was real, and that if they were standing next to me by my desk and watching me read their comments and type my response on the keyboard, they would see that I was actually truly smiling.   
See?  You make me happy.  Your comments are like wine rolled in Nutella and Oreo cookie crumbs and sprinkled with hundred dollar bills.  But you know, not as sticky.

(And speaking of comments, I left that exact same comment on my friend Tracie at CRACK YOU WHIP ’s blog a few minutes ago.  Because she is that awesome.)
So comments are fabulous.  We all know that.  Unless they are spam.  And then they are written by recent college grads working in India for 50 cents a day at what their friends and family consider “a good job” when in fact all they do is cruise the Internet in an un-air-conditioned cubicle they share with five other people while doing key word searches and not even reading your blog post yet pasting in comments like “What you are saying is good and relevant, I will check into it, thank you for the information!  Please visit my website as well about how to invest in Poodles for television.” 

Who am I to tell the proud parents of Sanjay that their son has a job that is pretty much the cyber equivalent to picking up trash on the side of the freeway while wearing one of those orange polyester suits?  Only those people get to work outside and breathe in fresh sunshine while hogging up extra doses of natural Vitamin D and living longer, so that might actually be a better job come to think of it. 

My point is:  I will not be responding to all of your individual comments anymore. 
Please do not get the wrong idea about me.  I adore your comments.  When The Husband proposed to me at a fairy tale castle in Europe and I said yes and we immediately began planning our wedding?  Yes, I was happy.  And your comments on the happiness scale make me almost exactly that happy. 

But the commenting back to each and every one of your comments was taking up a lot of valuable time, time that might be better spent writing a new blog post or commenting on your blog.    
I did what I always do when faced with a potentially life-changing dilemma:  I went online to look at useless statistics to back me up.  It has been proven that 100% of little sisters steal their sister's Barbies and that less than 0% of commenters ever go back and read the response comments.  Less than zero!  That is like, if you had a room full of 1000 people:  no one. 

So, if you leave me a comment, know that there is a chance that I might comment back.  But please don’t have hurt feelings if I don’t.   It does not mean that I love you any less.  I actually love you MORE for being so understanding about it.  So the less I comment to your comments, the MORE I love you!  See how I have grown and matured and don't necessarily have to have the last word anymore?        
And, of course, I will still read and treasure every single comment.  Some I even print out, laminate, and frame or make into mini-keychains to remind me of your loyalty.  THANK YOU!!!  I LOVE MY READERS!!!   
p.s  Thank you to Stephanie at Clay Baboons for giving me the courage to write this.  At the end of her latest post, she reveals her similar "I am sorry I cannot comment on every comment" stance.


  1. Yeah but...I totally just responded to your comment on my post about how I will no longer be responding to comments. Ha! Honestly, if you asked 100 commenters if they'd rather if you visited their blog or commented on their comment, 92 of them would choose the first option. Out of the other 8 people, 5 of them are spammers, 2 of them are anonymous and the last one is my dad. And I always comment back to my dad.

    1. wait-- your dad reads my blog??

    2. I always comment back to my dad, too. And anyone who says I'm pretty.

  2. While I can perfectly understand your situation and the time-suck it must be, I must admit I am a bit sad. I always, always check back to read your comments on the comments. I enjoy it because it's like a little conversation. However, I respect your decision and will simply go cry in my ice cream. ;-)

  3. Well, at least I know that you love me almost as much as ice cream. ":)

    It becomes an onerous task to respond to every comment.
    (....waiting....waiting....waiting...(No comment) .

    There, I feel even more loved. I hope this catches on. Wanna cookie to go with that ice cream? ":))

  4. I must be a freak because I do go back and check to see if there is a reply but it isn't obsessively or consistently. I imagine once a blog gets popular and more people are commenting the harder it is to keep with all the comments. But knowing as I do (because I'm a blogger too) that all the comments get read is just fine too!

  5. I admit that I sometimes go back and check to see if there was a reply to my comment, but that's usually just to confirm to my over-inflated ego that you thought my comment was as witty as I did. Seriously though, I'd much rather have you click through to my blog and maybe, if you are so inclined, leave a comment there, to which I may or may not reply. :)

  6. I understand. I try to go to every blog that has left me a comment but sometimes I don't always have the time.

  7. I struggle to find the time to respond to my comments. I much prefer to click on the commenter and visit their blog and that is my goal. We all need to find a balance or go crazy in the process. Thanks for the shoutout, but I am glad that you recycled my comment. Recycling is good for the environment.

    P.S. I LOVE Lucy...

    1. I love when you come over to my blog and comment :) I feel like I have this friend out there in the blogosphere that enjoys what I have to say as well.

  8. I have to confess, that while reading your blog post, my 3 y/o daughter just drew all over herself from head to toe in marker, and my dog managed to steal food off the dining room table, but I still took the time to comment :)Just thought you would like to know

  9. I understand, and I almost at that point. It takes about two hours to respond to comments, and that is time that could be spent reading blog posts.

  10. I think I need to make a similar post on my blog, because it is becoming somewhat overwhelming for me nowadays to respond to all of them.

  11. PS...took your advice about the paragraph style. If you get a minute, check out the edited version of the latest posts you commented on, and let me know if it has a better feel :) All advice is appreciated. I am still very new to this blog thing, and I tend to talk too much in person, so it's no surprise I talk too much on my blog as well.

  12. As a new blogger,I don't know too much about commenting etiquette so thanks for the tips. BTW, I really like your writing style but Hemingway is still high on my list. Thanks for commenting on my post...oh, maybe I'm overdoing the comment thing.

  13. Can you publish that link for that site about investing in Poodles for television? I'm looking to dump my life savings into something and that sounds pretty intriguing.

    P.S. Although I am one that comes back and checks to see if my comments were commented on, I totally understand those that don't comment back. You're right, it is better to actually spend that time visiting others people's blogs than adding more comments to your own. :)

  14. I am one to check back on comments but I did notice a few nights back I spent 3 hours commenting on mine and others and no writing was done so I get what you must do but it still makes me sad to think we are a tad closer to breaking-up I mean communication is a 2 way street right? I am going for the ice cream and buying a poodle! This is a sincere SMILE though :] Just keep writing your funny posts and I will get over this whole comment :))

  15. I must be in the umpteenth percentile 'cause I read every comment on my blog and comment on most of them...mostly while trying to avoid doing meaningful work...;o) I hope you comment on mine. It makes me feel validated for reading every post you write. I don't do that for very many besides you and Crack You Whip's and two others.

    As for poodles...aren't they basically the cat of the dog world? Pretty much worthless and full of themselves?


When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)