MOVarazzi

Friday, June 8, 2012

790. First Swim of The Season

“Sweetie, I’m taking the boys to the pool,” says The Husband helpfully, “Come with us!

“Oh, the pool!  Is it that time of year already?” 

“The pool opened on Memorial Day.  You know that.  Get your stuff—let’s go.” 

“Okay, I’ll go.  I just need to shave my bikini line, find the sunscreen, and lose 30 pounds.” 

Oh, and get a tan.  I forgot that one.  This might take a few minutes. 


MOV  

25 comments:

  1. EXACTLY! Although if I actually drag my butt there, I usually feel better after seeing the confident ladies bigger than myself who wear bikinis. I like to also think that by not going to the pool with my girls, they might avoid acquiring my own body complexes. Wishful thinking I'm sure.
    midwesternberliners.blogspot.com

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    1. I just repeat my happy mantra all day long: I am Cindy Crawford I am Cindy Crawford I AM CINDY CRAWFORD.

      It does not make me more confident, but it does make other people at the pool back away. So they can't see my fat so close up.

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  2. I hear ya!

    Have a great day. :)

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  3. Lol, this is great and hilarious. You are really funny.

    I always enjoy reading a fellow humor blog :)

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    1. Thank you! And I just checked out your blog, fun stuff!

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  4. Ah yes. We've made our first foray to the lake. Thankfully I live in an area where many people are not overly body-conscious. Besides, it's a lake, not a fancy pool with chlorine and filters and such. You're there to get wet and cooled off. :-) Good luck with your preparations!

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    1. ah, I envy you going to a lake. Lakes are murky and can hide what chlorine can't (namely, cellulite).

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  5. The last time I went to the swimming pool there was a woman there who, I believe, was not in an actual bikini - she appeared to be wearing rather unclean underwear. YUGH! I can now comfort myself with the thought that no matter how appalling I look at the pool at least no one can accuse me of wearing my smalls as swimwear.

    I love your blog and so I've nominated you at mine for the Versatile Blogger Award - you don't have to take part if you don't want to, but I just wanted to include you in my links :-)

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    1. Thank you, Sue! What a thrill! :) I accept the award, and can I wear my diamond (faux) tiara when I give my speech?

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  6. If you drink a lot of alcohol, stand very far away, and poke your eyes a bit, that's exactly what I look like.

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    1. ha! You are my long-lost twin!!!! :)

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  7. The public pool??? I haven't done that shizzle for years. And at our pool, you cannot go into the pool area without a swimsuit on so the shorts and tank I wore once didn't cut it.

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    1. Ack, the swimsuit police! I knew they were out there!

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  8. Pretend? I've always imagined that's what you look like! Isn't that what we all look like on the internet?

    Princess WeeWee

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    1. Oh, and THIS is why I love you. Yes, I look EXACTLY like the picture. Especially the hat. The hat looks like me.

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  9. I will probably never go swimming in public...ever. I don't even want to think of what kind of swimsuit I would need to encourage my body to do what it used to do.

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    1. *sigh* And the sad part is, when we were 17 and hot we most likely thought we looked fat (I speak for myself here). Now I look back at the photos and want to yell, "I was HOT!"*

      *editor's note: I have since blown up those photos to 11 x 17 and they adorn our mantle. It is a public service thing to let people/ friends know that I used to be HOT.

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  10. For me, simply applying sunscreen is too much work. I'd much rather enjoy the AC.

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    1. You are my new best friend, Mike.

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  11. Ugh, I know the feeling. I like to go for laneswim in the evenings. Just me, the pool, and no Judgey McJudgersons.

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    1. The McJudgersons belong to my pool too! Unfortunately, they have lifetime passes.......

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When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)