MOVarazzi

Monday, April 30, 2012

760. TV Dinner

“So that’s two small sides of fruit for the kids, plus two house salads, and an order of bruschetta to start?  What do you want on your salads?” 

I knew The Husband would order either blue cheese or ranch, but then he surprised me by asking the girl what the other choices were. 
“Well, we have Italian, honey vinaigrette, TV, twitter, Facebook, and voice mail.”

The Husband looked just as surprised as I was:  who offers voice mail for dressing? 
I jumped in and answered for him.  “No dressing.  We’ll have a couple of slices of lemon on the side.” 

I could tell that the girl thought I was rude for not giving The Husband a chance to respond.  But then, the waitress wasn’t tipping me, was she? 
As I looked around the new restaurant (called “Strangely Enough”), I realized most of the diners had selected the other dressings.  Some were even having them for their main course. 

I was mentally congratulating myself that the kids were keeping busy drawing elaborate Crayola cities on their paper placemats when The Husband confided, “I might have a piece of email for dessert later.”
I glared at The Husband.  “You had some email for a snack before we even left the house.  Besides, I didn’t see it on the menu.” 

“You should talk.  How are you even hungry after you filled up on blogs all afternoon?” 
Right then, the busboy appeared to refill our water glasses.  “Do you need more email, sir?” 

“I didn’t order email, but do you offer it for dessert?” he asked, eager for the chance to clarify. 
“Let me get your server.” 

A few minutes later, the waitress came back, her tray weighted down with items.  “One order of Angry Birds, and who had Words With Friends?” 
A man at the next table flagged her down.  “Miss, that’s our order!” 

The kids looked up wistfully as the waitress walked off with things they didn’t even know were options.  “That’s what I’m having next time,” Tall whispered to Short. 
“No, you’re not,”  I interrupted.  “We’re just going to have grilled chicken with broccoli and call it a night.”  

“Everyone else has better stuff than us,” observed Short.  “Why don’t we have YouTube?” 
I just wanted a simple meal, a meal without media.  But we were surrounded.  I decided that next time, we’d eat the old-fashioned way, the same way people have for decades before us:  in the car.    

MOV

19 comments:

  1. Lol, I'm very confused by this one, although I can at least identify that it's witty ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bozo,

      Thank you. (I think.)

      best,
      MOV

      Delete
  2. LOL Loved this! My husband and I have "discussions" about this very thing. He's always reading Facebook when we eat dinner, and some nights, it just drives me insane. :)

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    Replies
    1. Dana,

      Oh, I get it. Seriously, the situation that inspired this post is we were out to dinner and literally EVERYONE around us had their iPhones out and they were all beeping away on them! It's like there was some sort of iPhone contest going on (there wasn't). Add to that that the restaurant had TVs everywhere. Ugh. We will not be going back there.

      best,
      MOV

      Delete
  3. I'm right there with you! Can't people just have a meal without all the intrusions? I don't like it when anyone reads the newspaper at the table -- while others are eating. I just think it's rude. It's like you don't care who is sitting there with you; the paper/media is much more important. Nope.

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    Replies
    1. Couse,

      I give people a free pass for the Sunday paper........

      best,
      MOV

      Delete
  4. I love it, but then again, my family hasn't been sucked into technology this far, yet. But my husband and I joke that we need phones to text each other across the table to be heard above the deafening noise of our children.

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    1. Tamara,

      We have not given in to the technology craze yet. i joke that we are practicing being Amish. The Husband and I SHARE a cell phone. One phone! We could buy two, but do we really need two? We are not on facebook. No twitter. I do not even know how to text! My phone rings...... and I answer it. Sometimes. If I don't accidentally take a picture of my steering wheel instead.

      best,
      MOV

      Delete
  5. Love the punchline. My husband orders pizzas and eats them in the car. Who can drive with a hot saucy pizza in their lap? But he doesn't own an iphone and can barely text. Says something I suppose.

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    1. Marianne,

      I knew you would appreciate the punchline (since you are a talented writer). It took me a while to come up with! My favorite thing to eat in the car (drink) is a milkshake. Yummmmmmmmmm.

      best,
      MOV

      Delete
  6. Genius post! That sums it up.....GENIUS!!

    *also witty,funny,true

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    Replies
    1. J.R.,

      Thank you! I appreciate your kind words. :) This was a super-fun essay to write.

      best,
      MOV

      Delete
  7. Email for dessert. Now I'm ready to unplug and grab the Ben & Jerry's.

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  8. Replies
    1. Youngman Brown,

      You know, the four food groups? Surely they taught you that in school. In case you forgot:

      1. chocolate
      2. vino
      3. ice cream
      4. shopping

      (Sorry that vino is not really a food group after all.)

      xxo
      MOV

      Delete
  9. Ha! Love this one MOV! I was confused for half a second when the waitress offered you twitter, but then I figured it out. Love the way this one ended! We never read or use technology at the table. But we're kind of old-fashioned that way...we don't watch TV during supper either. Check out this comic, it's hilarious: http://www.wastedtalent.ca/comic/smartphoniquette

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    Replies
    1. And also...LOVE your button!!

      Delete
    2. Stephanie,

      Glad you like the button! You are welcome to it, although I am sure you would come up with something better. :)

      We avoid TV at dinner, so that is why it is so frustrating if we go out to eat and are surrounded by TVs! I do not go back to a place like that.

      best,
      MOV

      Delete

When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)