Wednesday, December 7, 2011

594. Three Lies Before I Get Out of Bed

I believe in honesty and integrity. When I was dating, those were the characteristics that I looked for. I strive every day to instill in my children those same admirable qualities, and to let them know that nothing bad will ever happen to them if they just tell the truth.

But lying inserts itself into my life, like those Dots candy leftover from Halloween that get wedged in between my molars, stuck until I can get to a mirror armed with a toothpick and some patience.  Lying is there, whether I like it or not, reminding me of its cavity-inducing stickiness, yet so utterly irresistible and unavoidable.   

Three Lies Before I Get Out of Bed
  1. I will get up early and go for a five mile run
  2. I will get up early and start a load of laundry
  3. I will get up early and pack my children’s lunches so we don’t have to rush
Three Lies Before Breakfast

  1. Santa is watching you
  2. Yes, Hon, I will remember to take your dry cleaning in today, I promise
  3. You can definitely have a playdate with Billy, I adore him and he is such a good influence, especially when he throws rocks at passing cars
Three Lies Before We Get Out The Door
  1. Those socks look clean to me
  2. Santa is watching you
  3. If you kick your brother one more time, you will never get ice-cream again ever
Three Lies To Get Me Through The Day
  1. I do not look 43
  2. I look 35, maybe 34
  3. Gray is the new blond
Three Lies To The Boss
  1. I am not available to work this week-end because my sister will be in town
  2. Sure, I love mopping the back stock room!
  3. I would be happy to train the new employees for no extra pay
Three Lies At Work
  1. This is the best hot chocolate machine ever, it works great!
  2. You can’t live without the avocado pitter
  3. $900 for a set of knives is actually a really good price
Three Lies At School
  1. I would love to volunteer for the PTA fund-raiser, but I’m busy the next six months
  2. Of course I double-check the kids’ homework every night
  3. We don’t even watch TV
Three Lies To The Neighbors
  1. We can’t see in your windows at all
  2. Your music is not really that loud
  3. I would be happy to pick up your newspaper and mail for a week, I will definitely remember
Three Lies To Myself
  1. I love cleaning up other people’s messes all day
  2. Being a mom is easy
  3. I don’t miss staying in nice hotels with my previous airline job, not one bit
Some people my call it lying, I call it coping.

*with thanks to Marianne at We Band of Mothers for the concept/ idea


  1. If you want to appear to be busier than what you actually are with laundry wait until the last momemt before the spouse arrives home to have the machines making noises as they walk in the door. And Volume, bulk. Towels. They require the least amount of eFFort to fill up those metal swirly boxes.

  2. Ha! My favorite is the grey is the new blond one. Very admirable lies. xoxo The Muse

  3. I agree completely -- coping. Sometimes the truth hurts. ;-)

  4. Yes, that is definitely coping, or fibbing...not lying! Hey! I gave you a Sunshine Award--go grab it!

  5. Oh they aren't lies MOV, they are promises you don't keep to yourself. Oh wait...that doesn't sound good.
    They are hopeful wishes! That's it! Hopeful wishes that don't come true. You can't have everything you hope for after all.

  6. Since when has Santa is watching you been a lie OK I know he is busy at this time of year but he has help there are Elf's and reindeer, the odd fairy and the like (when I say odd fairy I don't mean the fairy is odd).

    I notice it is a close call on posts for the year so far but I am mad so I have an excuse (although I might be lying)

  7. esbboston--I am going to try the towel trick. thanks for that!

    marianne-- and what a good muse you are! (wasn't that a movie with Albert Brooks and Sharon Stone? are you really Sharon Stone?)

    couse--the truth DOES hurt (in face, there is a whole chapter in my book called "Painful").

    andrea--thank you for the Sunshine Award! (although I always thought I was more a cloudy skies, chance of drizzle kinda girl)

    kait--and I think I have my 2nd book title: "Hopeful Wishes." You will receive credit, but alas no money. I already paid out 50k to Haley and 35k to Marianne (and Haley spent hers at the casino, oh well).

    Rob Z Tobor--Santa is ALWAYS watching. (Except when he and the reindeer are plastered, you never hear about THAT.)


  8. You are the one who told me I NEEDED the avocado pitter/slicer!!! Lies, lies I tell you!

  9. oh, michael, OF COURSE you need the avocado pitter! who cares that you are allergic to avocadoes?

    and by the way, the high-end kitchen store is just not the same without you.......... (I might have to quit).



When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)