MOVarazzi

Friday, November 25, 2011

586. Gift With Purchase

When I was in college in California, I worked briefly at the Clinique counter selling cosmetics at an upscale department store, I. Magnin. Clinique offered a promotional giveaway twice a year called Gift With Purchase, or GWP. If a customer spent a minimum amount, say $30, she would qualify for the “free” gift (a pink lipstick, sample-size hand lotion, pressed powder, waterproof mascara, and extra-emollient eye cream, all in a lovely cosmetics bag with a soothing green floral print) which would have a supposed value of $50.

Yesterday, I took my car to the repair shop because it was “making a funny noise.” I am not a big fan of funny noises, especially when they are coming from my primary mode of transportation. Sure enough, the mechanic called me several hours later to say, “Brakes. You need new brakes. That’ll cost $985.”

I wanted to throw down the phone in disgust and say, “Are you out of your mind—$985? Who has that kind of money just laying around? Brakes aren’t sexy, no one will even notice that I spent that much! If I got a fancy new watch for $985, I would at least get a lot of compliments! I refuse to pay it! It’s a rip off! I hate you!”

What I said instead, “That sounds great. Do you take American Express? And what time will the car be ready to pick up?”

I went over there exactly three hours later. The car was completely out of gas and filthy with empty water bottles, candy wrappers, and other random trash all over the inside, exactly as I’d left it.

The manager cheerfully swiped my credit card through the machine and I signed the receipt. I fondly thought back to my Clinique days, and wondered why the car repair shop did not fill up my tank or detail my car. $985 should get you a Gift With Purchase.

MOV
(“Mom’s Overpriced Vehicle”)

11 comments:

  1. Agreed! Even the oil change place vaccums and washes the windshield.

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  2. [offers the aformentioned Magical Chocolate Cake]
    Can I be your record-keeper NOW???
    -Motaki, Aspiring Falconer

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  3. I feel icky for you. Car repairs are always unexpected, expensive, and a big downer. Here's the universe paying you back soon for all the laughs.

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  4. kelly--thank god someone agrees with me (for once).

    taki--you are hired. when can you start?

    marianne--I do need a big payback right about now.

    best,
    MOV

    ps--kelly and marianne, are you the same person? a really really really fanatical christmas celebrator? (your blog kinda says you are, kell, and you are giving me a complex since I still have the skeleton people and pumpkins up, I gotta get with the program).

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  5. eXcuse me, 985 for brakes?!?!? I hope there was some serious damage for that much money, like, maybe, I dunno, somebody had completely stolen your brakes. And no, I am neither Kelly or Marianne. I believe they live in different states and different coasts, they are both a lot of fun to read. I decorated for Halloween by letting a spider spin something on the porch light. I noticed he was still there yesterday.

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  6. I agree with the last comment: those are some expensive breaks. They should have at least included a backrub for that price!

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  7. The dealer down here runs it through their carwash after raping you for a million dollars in repairs.

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  8. I can start anytime. I can start now!
    Can I be paid? $3-day would -definitely- get me my falconry materials, $2-day would -probably- get them all, but I'm not sure how much all of it will cost.
    -Motaki, Aspiring Falconer

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  9. Oh, and BTW- you haven't changed your subheader in FOREVER!
    How about a snippy little remark? Or are you attached to the little statement thing?
    We can totally work together on this.
    (By the way- e-mails addressed to wolf2407.kenaiphoenix@ gmail dot comme (spaces for ANTI-SPAMBOTS) will find me.)

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  10. And did you remember to send your 16 drafted emails?
    -Motaki, Awesome Aspiring Falconer

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  11. esbboston--I know, lotso money, right? And it is not like I drive a Ferrari or anything (I have a Toyota Highlander). Maybe my speedy nature caused those brakes to deteriorate to the point of disapperance.........

    kay--I would like a backrub. Or footrub. Whichever.

    Tuna--see? this is why I need to live near you. That, and the fact that you are a gourmet chef and you could take pity on my woeful lack of culinary skills and maybe teach me how to make one easy meal (I read your foodie blog, and you are a genius).

    taki--what do falconers need, besides a falcon I mean? And you are right, I have not changed my subheader lately because the pyromaniac in me likes the idea of the "spontaneous combustion". And no, I never sent all those emails, which is why I could use a personal assitant to keep me on track........ sigh.

    best,
    MOV

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When you write a comment, it makes me feel like I won the lottery or at the very least like I ate an ice-cream sundae. (This has nothing to do with the fact that I did just eat an ice-cream sundae.)